Who Was Who: 5000 B. C. to Date | Page 7

to horses, and one of her paintings is
considered fair.
BOOTH, General William, founder of a vast army which never fought
a battle, made a retreat, or surrendered. Conducted campaigns in Great
Britain and the United States, with brass bands and collection devises.
The army later became a suffragette institution when women were
admitted as recruits, and placed as sentries to guard the
Christmas-Easter collection forts. Publication: War Cry. Recreation:
Reviewing troopers and troopesses.
BOSWELL, Dr. Johnson's press agent (see the Doctor).
BRADSTREET, author. Wrote a book in which he described your bank
account and told how you paid your bills. His complimentary
comments are highly valued.
BRIEUX, Eugene, a seller of damaged goods who got away with it
without being fined or driven out of business.
BROWN, John, an American who helped start the Civil War by
espousing the cause of the negro. This resulted in his body moulding in
the grave.
BROWN, Thomas, an Englishman who reversed the usual procedure of
life by springing into print when young, and keeping out of it when old.
BROWNING, Robert, a cryptogram writer whose poems are

deciphered by the Bostonese and cultured English people. It has been
estimated that B. could say more with fewer words and conceal his
meaning better than any writer since the adaptation of the alphabet as a
means of expression.
BROWNING, Mrs., Bob's wife. She also wrote poems. They were
easily understood, and consequently seldom read.
BRUMMELL, Beau, a man whose thoughts were more for the crease in
his pantaloons than for his head.
BRUTUS, Et Tu, a Roman murderer.
BRYAN, William Jennings, a famous Chatauqua lecturer who ran a
newspaper and the State Department on the side. Archaeologists claim
B. formed a passion to rule the nation when a child. He only got as far
as the Democratic party and platforms. Became a golden orator with a
silver speech and offered himself as a rectifier of all things not Bryan.
For ages his name was placed on the presidential ballot and later
removed. Made a fortune by telling people why they did not elect him.
Also toured the world, but shot no game in Africa or Monte Carlo. Was
the father of Bryanism, an odious word meaning things Bryan. Later
secured one Wilson to attend to Washington detail work. Motto: All
things come to him with bait. Ambition: Short ballot with one name.
Publications: The Commoner, a newspaper devoted to Bryan
advertisements. Address: Mail forwarded from Washington. Epitaph:
He Will Rise Again.
BUCHANAN, J. C., manufacturer of the Scotchman's delight and
weakness. He showed the world the excellence of two colors, and
caused many a man to lose the keyhole.
BUDDHA, a prince of India who tired of good times and turned
reformer. Advised his congregations to adopt the recall and referendum.
Nailed several anti-saloon and burlesque planks in his platform. After
B.'s death his friends filled the Orient with his bronzes. He was fat and
wore a fascinating wart on his forehead.
BULL, John, a fine, fat, American-beef fed individual who inhabits a
suffragette-infested island somewhere in the North Atlantic. Born
several hundred years ago and is beginning to show his age. Is fond of
the sea and is said to have a fine fleet. This has had off years, notably
1812. B. has had trouble with a son who wishes to leave the paternal
protection. Is fearless except when faced by a hunger strike, the

Pankhurst family, and thoughts of Germany. Patronizes a costly social
organization known as the Royal Family, or a reception committee for
American heiresstocracy, which also dedicates buildings, poses for
stamps, post-cards, motion pictures and raises princesses of Wales for
magazine articles and crowning purposes. B. is a monitor of English
style; wears a monocle, spats, 'i 'at, cane, pipe, awful accent, and never
makes his appearance without a cawld bawth. He detests the word
"egotism." Is a celebrated humorist, seeing through all jokes but
himself. Ambition: 'Ome sweet 'Ome. Recreation: Tea, Week Ends.
Address: Hingland. Clubs: Policemen's, Golf, Jockey, and Suffrage.
Epitaph: See Emperor William Again.
BURNS, Robert, surnamed "Bobby," a Scotch bard who wrote love
poems about his sweetheart. He thus performed two remarkable feats--
making poetry in the Scotch language, and finding a girl in Scotland
who was as beautiful as his lines declare.
BUTTERFLY, Madame, a little Japanese lady whose child has
remained the same size and age for the past eight years.
BYRON, Lord, an Englishman who swam rivers, was wise enough to
get away from the London weather, helped kindle Greek fire, and wrote
poems.

C
CAESAR, Julius, school book writer, river crosser, and a great
politician who was not born in Ireland. Entered Roman politics as the
leader of the Gang. Was active in military affairs. Became a fair
general despite his poor