What Every Woman Knows | Page 7

glasses and decanter from the sideboard, which
JAMES calls the chiffy. DAVID and ALICK, in the most friendly
manner, also draw up to the table.]

You're not a totaller, I hope?
JOHN [guardedly]. I'm practically a totaller.
DAVID. So are we. How do you take it? Is there any hot water,
Maggie?
JOHN. If I take it at all, and I haven't made up my mind yet, I'll take it
cold.
DAVID. You'll take it hot, James?
JAMES [also sitting at the table but completely befogged]. No, I--
DAVID [decisively] I think you'll take it hot, James.
JAMES [sulking]. I'll take it hot.
DAVID. The kettle, Maggie.
[JAMES has evidently to take it hot so that they can get at the business
now on hand, while MAGGIE goes kitchenward for the kettle.]
ALICK. Now, David, quick, before she comes back.
DAVID. Mr. Shand, we have an offer to make you.
JOHN [warningly]. No patronage.
ALICK. It's strictly a business affair.
DAVID. Leave it to me, father. It's this--[But to his annoyance the
suspicious MAGGIE has already returned with the kettle.] Maggie,
don't you see that you're not wanted?
MAGGIE [sitting down by the fire and resuming her knitting]. I do,
David.
DAVID. I have a proposition to put before Mr. Shand, and women are

out of place in business transactions.
[The needles continue to click.]
ALICK [sighing]. We'll have to let her bide, David.
DAVID [sternly]. Woman. [But even this does not budge her.] Very
well then, sit there, but don't interfere, mind. Mr. Shand, we're willing,
the three of us, to lay out L300 on your education if--
JOHN. Take care.
DAVID [slowly, which is not his wont]. On condition that five years
from now, Maggie Wylie, if still unmarried, can claim to marry you,
should such be her wish; the thing to be perfectly open on her side, but
you to be strictly tied down.
JAMES [enlightened]. So, so.
DAVID [resuming his smart manner]. Now, what have you to say?
Decide.
JOHN [after a pause]. I regret to say--
MAGGIE. It doesn't matter what he regrets to say, because I decide
against it. And I think it was very ill-done of you to make any such
proposal.
DAVID [without looking at her]. Quiet, Maggie.
JOHN [looking at her]. I must say, Miss Maggie, I don't see what
reasons YOU can have for being so set against it.
MAGGIE. If you would grow a beard, Mr. Shand, the reasons wouldn't
be quite so obvious.
JOHN. I'll never grow a beard.
MAGGIE. Then you're done for at the start.

ALICK. Come, come.
MAGGIE. Seeing I have refused the young man--
JOHN. Refused!
DAVID. That's no reason why we shouldn't have his friendly opinion.
Your objections, Mr. Shand?
JOHN. Simply, it's a one-sided bargain. I admit I'm no catch at present;
but what could a man of my abilities not soar to with three hundred
pounds? Something far above what she could aspire to.
MAGGIE. Oh, indeed!
DAVID. The position is that without the three hundred you can't soar.
JOHN. You have me there.
MAGGIE. Yes, but--
ALICK. You see YOU'RE safeguarded, Maggie; you don't need to take
him unless you like, but he has to take you.
JOHN. That's an unfair arrangement also.
MAGGIE. I wouldn't dream of it without that condition.
JOHN. Then you ARE thinking of it?
MAGGIE. Poof!
DAVID. It's a good arrangement for you, Mr. Shand. The chances are
you'll never have to go on with it, for in all probability she'll marry
soon.
JAMES. She's tremendous run after.
JOHN. Even if that's true, it's just keeping me in reserve in case she

misses doing better.
DAVID [relieved]. That's the situation in a nutshell.
JOHN. Another thing. Supposing I was to get fond of her?
ALICK [wistfully]. It's very likely.
JOHN. Yes, and then suppose she was to give me the go-by?
DAVID. You have to risk that.
JOHN. Or take it the other way. Supposing as I got to know her I
COULD NOT endure her?
DAVID [suavely]. You have both to take risks.
JAMES [less suavely]. What you need, John Shand, is a clout on the
head.
JOHN. Three hundred pounds is no great sum.
DAVID. You can take it or leave it.
ALICK. No great sum for a student studying for the ministry!
JOHN. Do you think that with that amount of money I would stop short
at being a minister?
DAVID. That's how I like to hear you speak. A young Scotsman of
your ability let loose upon the world with L300, what could he not do?
It's almost appalling to think of; especially if he went among the
English.
JOHN. What do you think, Miss Maggie?
MAGGIE [who is knitting]. I have no thoughts on the subject either
way.

JOHN [after looking her over]. What's her