Uncle Josh Weathersbys Punkin Centre Stories | Page 7

Hop Soon, or
jump up and hop, or some other kind of a durned hop; and then thar
wuz a lot of figers on the winder that I couldn't make head nor tail on; it
jist looked to me like a chicken with mud on its feet had walked over
that winder.
Wall I went in to see bout gittin' my washin' done, and gosh all spruce
gum, thar was one of them pig tailed heathen Chineeze, he jist looked
fer all the world like a picter on Aunt Nancy Smith's tea cups. I wuz
sort of sot back fer a minnit, coz 'I sed to myself--I don't spose this
durned critter can talk English; but seein' as how I'm in here, I might as
well find out. So I told him I'd like to git him to do some washin' fer me,
and he commenced a talkin' some outlandish lingo, sounded to me like
cider runnin' out of a jug, somethin' like--ung tong oowong fang kai
moi oo ung we, velly good washee. Wall I understood the last of it and
jist took his word fer the rest, so I giv him my clothes and he giv me a
little yeller ticket that he painted with a brush what he had, and I'll jist
bet a yoke of steers agin the holler in a log, that no livin' mortal man
could read that ticket; it looked like a fly had fell into the ink bottle and

then crawled over the paper. Wall I showed it to a gentleman what was
a standin' thar when I cum out, and I sed to him--mister, what in
thunder is this here thing, and he sed "Wall sir that's a sort of a lotery
ticket; every time you leave your clothes thar to have them washed you
git one of them tickets, and then you have a chance to draw a prize of
some kind." So I sed--wall now I want to know, how much is the
blamed thing wuth, and he sed "I spose bout ten cents," and I told him
if he wanted my chants for ten cents he could hav it, I didn't want to get
tangled up in any lotery gamblin' bizness with that saucer faced scamp.
So he giv me ten cents and he took the ticket, and in a couple of days I
went round to git my washin', and that pig tailed heathen he wouldn't
let me hev em, coz I'd lost that lotery ticket. So I sed--now look here
Mr. Hop Soon, if you don't hop round and git me my collars and ciffs
and other clothes what I left here, I'll be durned if I don't flop you in
about a minnit, I will by chowder. Wall that critter he commenced
hoppin around and a talkin faster 'n a buzz saw could turn, and all I
could make out wuz--mee song lay tang moo me oo lay ung yong wo
say mee tickee. Wall I seen jist as plain as could be that he wuz a tryin'
to swindle me outen my clothes, so I made a grab fer him, and in less 'n
a minnit we wuz a rollin' round on the floor; fust I wuz on top, and then
Mr. Hop Soon wuz on top, and you couldn't hav told which one of us
the pig tail belonged to. We upset the stove and kicked out the winder,
and I sot Mr. Hop Soon in the wash tub, and when I got out of thar I
had somebody's washin' in one hand and about five yards of that pig
tail in tother, and Mr. Hop Soon, he wuz standin' thar yellin'--ung wa
moo ye song ki le yung noy song oowe pelecee, pelecee, pelecee. I had
quite a time with that heathen critter.

Uncle Josh in a Museum
WHEN I wuz in New York one day I wuz a walkin' along down the
street when I cum to a theater or play doins' of some kind or other, so I
got to lookin' at the picters, and I noticed whar it sed it only cost ten
cents to go in, and I alowed I might as well go in and see it. Wall I don't
spose I'd bin in thar over five minutes afore I made myself the laffin'
stock of every one in thar. I noticed a feller a sottin' thar gittin' his
boots blacked, and thar was a durned little pick pockit a pickin' his
pockits. Wall I didn't want to see him git robbed, so I went right up to

him and I sed--look out mister, you air gittin' your pockits picked, wall
sir, that durned cuss never sed a word and every body commenced to
laff, and I looked