Uncle Josh Weathersbys Punkin Centre Stories | Page 6

look up his

name in the city almanac, and he showed me whar Henry lived, away
up on a street called avenue five. Wall when I seen Henry's house it jist
about took my breath away, I wuz that clar sot back. Henry's house is a
good deal bigger'n the court house at Punkin Centre. Wall at first I
didn't know whether to go in or not, but finally I mustered up my
courage, and I went up and rang some new fangled door bell, when a
feller with knee britches on cum out and wanted to know who it wuz I
wanted to see. Gosh I couldn't say anything fer about a minnit, that
feller jist looked to me like a picter I'd seen in a story book. Wall
finally I told him I wanted to see Henry Higgins, if it wuz the same
Henry I used to know down home at Punkin Centre. Wall I guess
Henry he must a heered me talkin', cause he jist cum out and grabbed
me by both hands and sed, "why Josh Weathersby, how do you do, cum
right in." Wall he took me into the house and introduced me to more
wimmin folks than I ever seen before in all my life at one time. I guess
they were havin' some kind of society doins at Henry's house, one old
lady sed to me, "my dear Mr. Weathersby, I am so pleased to meet you,
I've heered Mr. Higgins speak about you so often." Wall by chowder, I
got to blushin' so it cum pretty near settin' my hair on fire, but I sed,
wall now I'm right glad to know you, you kind-er put me in mind of old
Nancy Smith down hum, and Nancy, she's bin tryin' to git married past
forty seasons that I kin remember on. Wall Henry took me off into a
room by myself, and when I got on my store clothes and my new calf
skin boots, I tell you I looked about as scrimptious as any of them. Wall
they had a dance, I think they called it a cowtillion, and that wuz whar I
wuz right to hum, I jist hopped out on the floor, balanced to partners,
swung on the corners, and cut up more capers than any young feller
thar, it jist looked as if all the ladies wanted to dance with me. One lady
wanted to know if I danced the german, but I told her I only danced in
English.
Wall after that we had something to eat in the dinin' room, and I hadn't
any more'n got sot down and got to eatin right good, when that durn
fool with the knee britches on insulted me, he handed me a little wash
bowl with a towel round it, and I told him he needn't cast any
insinuations at me, cause I washed my hands afore I cum in. If it hadn't
a bin in Henry's house I'd took a wrestle out of him. Wall they had a lot
of furrin dishes, sumthin what they called beef all over mud, and

another what they called a-charlotte russia-a little shavin' mug made out
of cake and full of sweetened lather, wall that was mighty good eatin',
though it took a lot of them, they wasn't very fillin'. Then they handed
me somethin' what they called ice cream, looked to me like a hunk of
casteel soap, wall I stuck my fork in it and tried to bite it, and it slipped
off and got inside my vest, and in less than a minnit I wuz froze from
my chin to my toes. I guess I cut a caper at Henry's house.
Uncle Josh in a Chinese Laundry
I S'POSE I got tangled up the other day with the dogondest lookin'
critter I calculate I ever seen in all my born days, and I've bin around
purty considerable. I'd seen all sorts of cooriosoties and monstrosities
in cirkuses and meenagerys, but that wuz the fust time I'd ever seen a
critter with his head and tail on the same end. You see I sed to a feller,
now whar abouts in New York do you folks git your washin' done;
when I left hum to come down here I lowed I had enuff with me to do
me, but I've stayed here a little longer than I calculated to, and if I don't
git some washin' done purty soon, I'll have to go and jump in the river.
Wall he wuz a bligin sort of a feller, and he told me thar wuz a place
round the corner whar a feller done all the washin', so I went round, and
there was a sine on the winder what sed Hop Quick, or