The Unforseen Return | Page 8

about!
Andre: A mere business of one hundred pounds owed to me for which I have a receipt and a judgement which I intend to put into execution.
Richly: What's he talking about, Roger?
Roger: He's a fiend who will do just what he says.
Richly: Edward owes you--?
Andre: Yes, indeed, Mr. Edward Richly, a child whose father is off somewhere and who will be pleasantly surprised on his return when he learns of the life his son has led in his absence.
Roger: This doesn't look too good.
Andre: The son is a gambler, a spendthrift, and a wencher, while they say the father is a villain, a miser, and a tightass.
Richly: What do you intend to say to this miser and tightass?
Andre: I don't want to talk to you, I want to speak to the father of Mr. Edward Richly who is in two words an imbecile and a fool.
Richly: Roger--
Roger: He's telling you the truth, sir. Mr. Edward does owe him--
Richly: And you told me of his exemplary conduct.
Roger: Yes, sir. It's a result of his careful management that he owes this money.
Richly: What--borrow money from a loan shark.
(To Mr. Andre) I see by looking at you, sir, that you're in the right line.
Andre: Yes, sir, and I believe that you are also in the same profession.
Roger: (aside) How easily honest men recognize each other.
Richly: You dare to say this is the result of his superior management!
Roger: Peace! Don't say a word. When you know the bottom of this thing you will be enchanted. He has bought a house--a mansion for ten thousand pounds--
Richly: A house for ten thousand?
Roger: And easily worth fifteen. He didn't have enough cash, so in order not to lose the bargain, he borrowed money from this honest swindler you see here. You are not so angry as you were, I bet.
Richly: On the contrary, I'm overjoyed. Oh, sir, this Mr. Edward who owes you the money is my son.
Roger: And this gentleman is the father--got it?
Andre: I've overjoyed as well.
Richly: Don't worry about your money. I approve what my son has done. Come back tomorrow and you will have your money--in cash.
Andre: I'm your servant, sir.
(Exit Mr. Andre, delighted)
Richly: Now tell me in what part of town is the house located?
Roger: In what part of town?
Richly: Yes, there are several neighborhoods. This one here for example.
Roger: Well, indeed, it's also located in this quarter.
Richly: Good--so much the better. Where exactly?
Roger: Hold on--(pointing) Do you see that house with an arbor where the windows have been repainted?
Richly: Yes, well--?
Roger: That's not it. But a little farther off. The one with the big gatehouse which is right next to the other one. Well, it's a little behind that on the next street. Cattycornered to it.
Richly: I don't see that one from here.
Roger: I can't help that.
Richly: Isn't that the home of Mrs. Prim?
Roger: Right. Mrs. Prim. Couldn't remember her name. Good buy, isn't it?
Richly: Absolutely. But why did the stupid woman sell off her inheritance?
Roger: One can't foresee everything that will happen in life as the philosophers say. She's been very unfortunate--she's gone plum crazy.
Richly: Gone crazy?
Roger: Raving. Her family tried to stop her. And her son who is a rake gave his house for a fraction of the money hers was worth.
(Low) I'm getting in deeper and deeper.
Richly: But she doesn't have any son that I know of.
Roger: She doesn't have a son?
Richly: No. I'm sure of it.
Roger: Must have been her daughter then.
Richly: I'm irritated by this mischance. But I've amused myself long enough. Open the door for me, will you?
Roger: (low) Ouf! Now we've reached the crisis.
Richly: What's the matter? Has something happened to my son?
Roger: No, sir.
Richly: Has someone stolen something in my absence?
Roger: Not at all.
(Low) What will I tell him?
Richly: Explain everything. Speak.
Roger: I an hardly keep from crying. Don't go in, sir. Your house--this dear house--which you love--has for the last six months--
Richly: Well--my house--for the last six months--
Roger: The devil is haunting the place, sir. He made us take up residence elsewhere.
Richly: The devil is in my house?
Roger: Yes, sir. Haunts the place. In fact, that's what has forced your son to buy another house. We couldn't live there any more.
Richly: You're kidding me. It isn't possible.
Roger: There's no sort of malicious trick they haven't put on me. Sometimes they mock me when I'm unable to move my feet. Sometimes they shave my beard with a red hot razor--and without fail every night they affront me with the stench of sulfur.
Richly: And now I say again, you're putting me on.
Roger: Not at all, sir. What hasn't happened to me? We've brought the best exorcists in London. There's no way to force them out; this spirit is furiously tenacious--he's the one that possesses women when they have the devil in them.
Richly: A horrible