The Silly Syclopedia | Page 6

up and leaves the room.
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### E: The fifth letter of the alphabet which is usually silent at the end
of a word--quite unlike some women you know of, eh! ###
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EAR. A place which hears a great many things which should never
have been said.
[Illustration]
EARTH. An orange-shaped ball hanging in space and inhabited by two
classes of people, to wit: kickers and more kickers.
EDEN. The garden where Adam and Eve baked the first apple pie and
pied the human race.
ECSTASY. A state in which the mind is carried away. For instance, if

you are in a runaway automobile, you are in ecstasy until you hit a
telegraph pole; after that you're in a hospital.
EGOTIST. A man who uses his brain for the purpose of believing that
he is the greatest ever.
ELBOW. Something you give a man you don't like.
EASTER. A season of the year devoted to new bonnets, overcoatless
young men and pneumonia. A tide in the affairs of women which, taken
at the pocketbook, leads on to the milliners.
ELOPE. A hurried trip taken by two lovers for the purpose of wiring
Papa for funds to get home.
[Illustration]
ELOCUTION. A disease which breaks out among students, but which
is fatal only to the spectators.
EMPLOYER. A man who has a soft spot for a hard worker.
ENVY. The root of much criticism.
ECONOMY. A system practiced by some men which permits their
wives to wear last year's dresses so that they can buy better cigars.
EXPERIENCE. The best of all teachers, because it's impossible for the
scholar to run away from school.

[Illustration: "F--There's only one thing to do however."]
Fine feathers make fine birds take to the woods.
Failures made by other people pave the road to your Success.
Fortune wears rubber shoes and a feather pillow on each hand when she
knocks on your door.
Fair play is a jewel, but so many people can't afford jewelry.
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### F: The sixth letter of the alphabet. It is formed by the passage of
the breath between the lower lip and the upper incisive teeth, but that
doesn't seem to worry it any. ###
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FABLE. The story a man thinks his wife believes--and she lets him
think it.
FAD. See hobby.
[Illustration]
FADE. To gradually disappear. For example: "I had ten plunks when I
went out last night, but they faded away." (Lord Palmerston, page 21.)

FAKE. Something we buy to make sure it isn't on the level.
FAITH. Something which is said to move mountains, but the railroad
contractors always mix in a little dynamite to help matters along.
FAULT. Something which is so easy to find, but it is so hard to give it
when we find it.
FAMILY. The only cure for race suicide.
FAVOR. Something we do for a friend so he can forget about it.
FLATTERER. A man who makes friends until he begins to talk about
himself.
FORGER. A man who tries to make a name for himself, but who picks
out the wrong name.
FRIEND. A man who knows you are a liar, but hopes otherwise.
FRIENDSHIP. The name of the handle some people put on other
people for the purpose of using them.
[Illustration]
FOOTBALL. A system of manslaughter very fashionable with boys.
From the Latin words "footibus," meaning "put the boots to him," and
"balloona," meaning "up in the air, or, who hit me with a public
building?" A body of college students surrounded by ambulances. For
instance:
Sing a song of football Pockets full of salve; Four and twenty legs all
Punctured at the calve. Captain in the hospital Fullback in the soup,
Twenty-seven faces Broken in the group. Sophomores and Freshmen
Punched around the ring; When the war was over The boys began to
sing!
Raw! Raw! Raw! Raw! Raw! Raw! Stew them! Fry them! Raw! Raw!
Raw! Oysters!

[Illustration: "G--The friends that Gold buys shake hands with two
fingers."]
Great oaths from little aching corns do grow.
Great minds run in the same channel--especially if they are sea
captains.
Gold is a dull metal, but it can cut friendship quicker than a knife.
Good names are better than great riches and that is why so many of us
have names without price.
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### G: The seventh letter of the alphabet. Used by the ancients as an
expression of surprise, thus: Hully Gee! ###
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GAB. The product of a ball-bearing chin.
GAG. A joke rendered insensible by a third-rail comedian.
GAS. A substance we make light of until the bill comes in. _"You may
hide your light under a bushel,