The Little Man | Page 5

AMERICAN. Well, that's quite in the prospectus--very stimulating
party--old Nietch--virgin mind. But give me Leo! [He turns to the
red-cheeked YOUTH] What do you opine, sir? I guess by your labels
you'll be Dutch. Do they read Tolstoi in your country?
[The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]

AMERICAN. That is a very luminous answer.
GERMAN. Tolstoi is nothing. Man should himself express. He must
push--he must be strong.
AMERICAN. That is so. In America we believe in virility; we like a
man to expand. But we believe in brotherhood too. We draw the line at
niggers; but we aspire. Social barriers and distinctions we've not much
use for.
ENGLISHMAN. Do you feel a draught?
ENGLISHWOMAN. [With a shiver of her shoulder toward the
AMERICAN] I do--rather.
GERMAN. Wait! You are a young people.
AMERICAN. That is so; there are no flies on us. [To the LITTLE
MAN, who has been gazing eagerly from face to face] Say! I'd like to
have you give us your sentiments in relation to the duty of man.
[The LITTLE MAN, fidgets, and is about to opens his mouth.]
AMERICAN. For example--is it your opinion that we should kill off
the weak and diseased, and all that can't jump around?
GERMAN. [Nodding] 'Ja, ja'! That is coming.
LITTLE MAN. [Looking from face to face] They might be me.
[The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]
AMERICAN. [Reproving him with a look] That's true humility. 'Tisn't
grammar. Now, here's a proposition that brings it nearer the bone:
Would you step out of your way to help them when it was liable to
bring you trouble?
GERMAN. 'Nein, nein'! That is stupid.

LITTLE MAN. [Eager but wistful] I'm afraid not. Of course one wants
to--There was St Francis d'Assisi and St Julien L'Hospitalier, and----
AMERICAN. Very lofty dispositions. Guess they died of them. [He
rises] Shake hands, sir--my name is--[He hands a card] I am an
ice-machine maker. [He shakes the LITTLE MAN's hand] I like your
sentiments--I feel kind of brotherly. [Catching sight of the WAITER
appearing in the doorway] Waiter; where to h-ll is that glass of beer?
GERMAN. Cigarren!
WAITER. 'Komm' gleich'!
ENGLISHMAN. [Consulting watch] Train's late.
ENGLISHWOMAN. Really! Nuisance!
[A station POLICEMAN, very square and uniformed, passes and
repasses.]
AMERICAN. [Resuming his seat--to the GERMAN] Now, we don't
have so much of that in America. Guess we feel more to trust in human
nature.
GERMAN. Ah! ha! you will bresently find there is nothing in him but
self.
LITTLE MAN. [Wistfully] Don't you believe in human nature?
AMERICAN. Very stimulating question.
[He looks round for opinions. The DUTCH YOUTH laughs.]
ENGLISHMAN. [Holding out his half of the paper to his wife] Swap!
[His wife swaps.]
GERMAN. In human nature I believe so far as I can see him--no more.

AMERICAN. Now that 'pears to me kind o' blasphemy. I believe in
heroism. I opine there's not one of us settin' around here that's not a
hero--give him the occasion.
LITTLE MAN. Oh! Do you believe that?
AMERICAN. Well! I judge a hero is just a person that'll help another at
the expense of himself. Take that poor woman there. Well, now, she's a
heroine, I guess. She would die for her baby any old time.
GERMAN. Animals will die for their babies. That is nothing.
AMERICAN. I carry it further. I postulate we would all die for that
baby if a locomotive was to trundle up right here and try to handle it.
[To the GERMAN] I guess you don't know how good you are. [As the
GERMAN is twisting up the ends of his moustache--to the
ENGLISHWOMAN] I should like to have you express an opinion,
ma'am.
ENGLISHWOMAN. I beg your pardon.
AMERICAN. The English are very humanitarian; they have a very
high sense of duty. So have the Germans, so have the Americans. [To
the DUTCH YOUTH] I judge even in your little country they have that.
This is an epoch of equality and high-toned ideals. [To the LITTLE
MAN] What is your nationality, sir?
LITTLE MAN. I'm afraid I'm nothing particular. My father was
half-English and half-American, and my mother half-German and
half-Dutch.
AMERICAN. My! That's a bit streaky, any old way. [The
POLICEMAN passes again] Now, I don't believe we've much use any
more for those gentlemen in buttons. We've grown kind of mild--we
don't think of self as we used to do.
[The WAITER has appeared in the doorway.]

GERMAN. [In a voice of thunder] 'Cigarren! Donnerwetter'!
AMERICAN. [Shaking his fist at the vanishing WAITER] That flash
of beer!
WAITER. 'Komm' gleich'!
AMERICAN. A little more, and he will join George Washington! I was
about to remark when he intruded: In this year of grace 1913 the
kingdom of Christ is quite a going concern. We are mighty near
universal brotherhood. The colonel here [He indicates the