The Little Man | Page 4

an Austrian railway station. At
several little tables outside the buffet persons are taking refreshment,
served by a pale young waiter. On a seat against the wall of the buffet a
woman of lowly station is sitting beside two large bundles, on one of
which she has placed her baby, swathed in a black shawl.
WAITER. [Approaching a table whereat sit an English traveller and his
wife] Two coffee?
ENGLISHMAN. [Paying] Thanks. [To his wife, in an Oxford voice]
Sugar?
ENGLISHWOMAN. [In a Cambridge voice] One.
AMERICAN TRAVELLER. [With field-glasses and a pocket camera
from another table] Waiter, I'd like to have you get my eggs. I've been
sitting here quite a while.

WAITER. Yes, sare.
GERMAN TRAVELLER. 'Kellner, bezahlen'! [His voice is, like his
moustache, stiff and brushed up at the ends. His figure also is stiff and
his hair a little grey; clearly once, if not now, a colonel.]
WAITER. 'Komm' gleich'!
[The baby on the bundle wails. The mother takes it up to soothe it. A
young, red-cheecked Dutchman at the fourth table stops eating and
laughs.]
AMERICAN. My eggs! Get a wiggle on you!
WAITER. Yes, sare. [He rapidly recedes.]
[A LITTLE MAN in a soft hat is seen to the right of tables. He stands a
moment looking after the hurrying waiter, then seats himself at the fifth
table.]
ENGLISHMAN. [Looking at his watch] Ten minutes more.
ENGLISHWOMAN. Bother!
AMERICAN. [Addressing them] 'Pears as if they'd a prejudice against
eggs here, anyway.
[The ENGLISH look at him, but do not speak. ]
GERMAN. [In creditable English] In these places man can get nothing.
[The WAITER comes flying back with a compote for the DUTCH
YOUTH, who pays.]
GERMAN. 'Kellner, bezahlen'!
WAITER. 'Eine Krone sechzig'.
[The GERMAN pays.]

AMERICAN. [Rising, and taking out his watch--blandly] See here. If I
don't get my eggs before this watch ticks twenty, there'll be another
waiter in heaven.
WAITER. [Flying] 'Komm' gleich'!
AMERICAN. [Seeking sympathy] I'm gettin' kind of mad!
[The ENGLISHMAN halves his newspaper and hands the
advertisement half to his wife. The BABY wails. The MOTHER rocks
it.]
[The DUTCH YOUTH stops eating and laughs. The GERMAN lights a
cigarette. The LITTLE MAN sits motionless, nursing his hat. The
WAITER comes flying back with the eggs and places them before the
AMERICAN.]
AMERICAN. [Putting away his watch] Good! I don't like trouble. How
much?
[He pays and eats. The WAITER stands a moment at the edge of the
platform and passes his hand across his brow. The LITTLE MAN eyes
him and speaks gently.]
LITTLE MAN. Herr Ober!
[The WAITER turns.]
Might I have a glass of beer?
WAITER. Yes, sare.
LITTLE MAN. Thank you very much.
[The WAITER goes.]
AMERICAN. [Pausing in the deglutition of his eggs--affably] Pardon
me, sir; I'd like to have you tell me why you called that little bit of a
feller "Herr Ober." Reckon you would know what that means? Mr.

Head Waiter.
LITTLE MAN. Yes, yes.
AMERICAN. I smile.
LITTLE MAN. Oughtn't I to call him that?
GERMAN. [Abruptly] 'Nein--Kellner'.
AMERICAN. Why, yes! Just "waiter."
[The ENGLISHWOMAN looks round her paper for a second. The
DUTCH YOUTH stops eating and laughs. The LITTLE MAN gazes
from face to face and nurses his hat.]
LITTLE MAN. I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
GERMAN. Gott!
AMERICAN. In my country we're very democratic--but that's quite a
proposition.
ENGLISHMAN. [Handling coffee-pot, to his wife] More?
ENGLISHWOMAN. No, thanks.
GERMAN. [Abruptly] These fellows--if you treat them in this manner,
at once they take liberties. You see, you will not get your beer.
[As he speaks the WAITER returns, bringing the LITTLE MAN'S beer,
then retires.]
AMERICAN. That 'pears to be one up to democracy. [To the LITTLE
MAN] I judge you go in for brotherhood?
LITTLE MAN. [Startled] Oh, no!
AMERICAN. I take considerable stock in Leo Tolstoi myself. Grand

man--grand-souled apparatus. But I guess you've got to pinch those
waiters some to make 'em skip. [To the ENGLISH, who have carelessly
looked his way for a moment] You'll appreciate that, the way he acted
about my eggs.
[The ENGLISH make faint motions with their chins and avert their
eyes.]
[To the WAITER, who is standing at the door of the buffet]
Waiter! Flash of beer--jump, now!
WAITER. 'Komm' gleich'!
GERMAN. 'Cigarren'!
WAITER. 'Schon'!
[He disappears.]
AMERICAN. [Affably--to the LITTLE MAN] Now, if I don't get that
flash of beer quicker'n you got yours, I shall admire.
GERMAN. [Abruptly] Tolstoi is nothing 'nichts'! No good! Ha?
AMERICAN. [Relishing the approach of argument] Well, that is a
matter of temperament. Now, I'm all for equality. See that poor woman
there--very humble woman--there she sits among us with her baby.
Perhaps you'd like to locate her somewhere else?
GERMAN. [Shrugging]. Tolstoi is 'sentimentalisch'. Nietzsche is the
true philosopher, the only one.