The Laws of Etiquette | Page 7

IV.

THE DRAWING-ROOM. COMPANY. CONVERSATION.
The grand object for which a gentleman exists, is to excel in company.
Conversation is the mean of his distinction,--the drawing-room the
scene of his glory.
When you enter a drawing-room, where there is a ball or a party, you
salute the lady of the house before speaking to any one else. Even your
most intimate friends are enveloped in an opaque atmosphere until you
have made your bow to your entertainer. We must take occasion here to
obelize a custom which prevails too generally in this country. The
company enter the back door of the back parlour, and the mistress of
the house is seated at the other extremity of the front parlour. It is
therefore necessary to traverse the length of two rooms in order to
reach her. A voyage of this kind is by no means an easy undertaking,
when there are Circes and Calypsos assailing one on every side; and
when one has reached the conclusion, one cannot perhaps distinguish
the object of one's search at a _coup d'oeil._ It would be in every point
of view more appropriate if the lady were to stand directly opposite to
the door of the back parlour. Such is the custom in the best companies
abroad. Upon a single gentleman entering at a late hour, it is not so
obligatory to speak first to the mistress of the ceremonies. He may be
allowed to converge his way up to her. When you leave a room before
the others, go without speaking to any one, and, if possible, unseen.
Never permit the sanctity of the drawing-room to be violated by a boot.
Fashionable society is divided into _sets,_ in all of which there is some
peculiarity of manner, or some dominant tone of feeling. It is necessary
to study these peculiarities before entering the circle.
In each of these sets there is generally some _gentleman,_ who rules,
and gives it its character, or, rather, who is not ruler, but the first and
most favoured subject, and the prime minister of the ladies' will. Him
you must endeavour to imitate, taking care not to imitate him so well as
to excel him. To differ in manner or opinion from him is to render
yourself unfit for that circle. To speak disrespectfully of him is to insult
personally every lady who composes it.

In company, though none are "free," yet all are "equal." All therefore
whom you meet, should be treated with equal respect, although interest
may dictate toward each different degrees of attention. It is
disrespectful to the inviter to shun any of her guests. Those whom she
has honoured by asking to her house, you should sanction by admitting
to your acquaintance.
If you meet any one whom you have never heard of before at the table
of a gentleman, or in the drawing-room of a lady, you may converse
with him with entire propriety. The form of "introduction" is nothing
more than a statement by a mutual friend that two gentlemen are by
rank and manners fit acquaintances for one another. All this may be
presumed from the fact, that both meet at a respectable house. This is
the theory of the matter. Custom, however, requires that you should
take the earliest opportunity afterwards to be regularly presented to
such an one.
Men of all sorts of occupations meet in society. As they go there to
unbend their minds and escape from the fetters of business, you should
never, in an evening, speak to a man about his professions. Do not talk
of politics with a journalist, of fevers to a physician, of stocks to a
broker,- -nor, unless you wish to enrage him to the utmost, of education
to a collegian. The error which is here condemned is often committed
from mere good nature and a desire to be affable. But it betrays to a
gentleman, ignorance of the world--to a philosopher, ignorance of
human nature. The one considers that "Tous les hommes sont ,gaux
devant la politesse:" the other remembers that though it may be
agreeable to be patronised and assisted, yet it is still more agreeable to
be treated as if you needed no patronage, and were above assistance.
Sir Joshua Reynolds once received from two noblemen invitations to
visit them on Sunday morning. The first, whom he waited upon,
welcomed him with the most obsequious condescension, treated him
with all the attention in the world, professed that he was so desirous of
seeing him, that he had mentioned Sunday as the time for his visit,
supposing him to be too much engaged during the week, to spare time
enough for the purpose, concluded his compliments by an eulogy on

painting, and smiled him affectionately to the door. Sir Joshua left him,
to call