The Laws of Etiquette | Page 6

you must pay
the full amount. The two best-bred men in England, Charles the Second
and George the Fourth, never failed to take off their hats to the meanest
of their subjects.
Avoid condescending bows to your friends and equals. If you meet a
rich parvenu, whose consequence you wish to reprove, you may salute
him in a very patronizing manner: or else, in acknowledging his bow,
look somewhat surprised and say, "Mister--eh--eh?"
If you have remarkably fine teeth, you may smile affectionately upon
the bowee, without speaking.
In passing ladies of rank, whom you meet in society, bow, but do not
speak.

If you have anything to say to any one in the street, especially a lady,
however intimate you may be, do not stop the person, but turn round
and walk in company; you can take leave at the end of the street.
If there is any one of your acquaintance, with whom you have a
difference, do not avoid looking at him, unless from the nature of
things the quarrel is necessarily for life. It is almost always better to
bow with cold civility, though without speaking.
As a general rule never cut any one in the street. Even political and
steamboat acquaintances should be noticed by the slightest movement
in the world. If they presume to converse with you, or stop you to
introduce their companion, it is then time to use your eye-glass, and say,
"I never knew you."
If you address a lady in the open air, you remain uncovered until she
has desired you twice to put on your hat. In general, if you are in any
place where etiquette requires you to remain uncovered or standing,
and a lady, or one much your superior, requests you to be covered or to
sit, you may how off the command. If it is repeated, you should comply.
You thereby pay the person a marked, but delicate, compliment, by
allowing their will to be superior to the general obligations of etiquette.
When two Americans, who "have not been introduced," meet in some
public place, as in a theatre, a stagecoach, or a steamboat, they will sit
for an hour staring in one another's faces, but without a word of
conversation. This form of unpoliteness has been adopted from the
English, and it is as little worthy of imitation as the form of their
government. Good sense and convenience are the foundations of good
breeding; and it is assuredly vastly more reasonable and more agreeable
to enjoy a passing gratification, when no sequent evil is to be
apprehended, than to be rendered uncomfortable by an ill-founded
pride. It is therefore better to carry on an easy and civil conversation. A
snuff-box, or some polite accommodation rendered, may serve for an
opening. Talk only about generalities,--the play, the roads, the weather.
Avoid speaking of persons or politics, for, if the individual is of the
opposite party to yourself, you will be engaged in a controversy: if he
holds the same opinions, you will be overwhelmed with a flood of

vulgar intelligence, which may soil your mind. Be reservedly civil
while the colloquy lasts, and let the acquaintance cease with the
occasion.
When you are introduced to a gentleman do not give your hand, but
merely bow with politeness: and if you have requested the introduction,
or know the person by reputation, you may make a speech. I am aware
that high authority might easily be found in this country to sanction the
custom of giving the hand upon a first meeting, but it is undoubtedly a
solecism in manners. The habit has been adopted by us, with some
improvement for the worse, from France. When two Frenchmen are
presented to one another, each presses the other's hand with delicate
affection. The English, however, never do so: and the practice, if
abstractly correct, is altogether inconsistent with the caution of manner
which is characteristic of their nation and our own. If we are to follow
the French, in shaking hands with one whom we have never before seen,
we should certainly imitate them also in kissing our intimate male
acquaintances. If, however, you ought only to bow to a new
acquaintance, you surely should do more to old ones. If you meet an
intimate friend fifty times in a morning, give your hand every time,--an
observance of propriety, which, though worthy of universal adoption, is
in this country only followed by the purists in politeness. The
requisitions of etiquette, if they should be obeyed at all, should be
obeyed fully. This decent formality prevents acquaintance from being
too distant, while, at the same time, it preserves the "familiar" from
becoming "vulgar." They may be little things, but
"These little things are great to little men."
Goldsmith.



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