The Jest Book | Page 7

sir," replied the lady,
"it is I that have dropt it."
LX.--ALONE IN HIS GLORY.
A FACETIOUS fellow having unwittingly offended a conceited puppy,
the latter told him he was no "gentleman."--"Are you a gentleman?"
asked the droll one. "Yes, sir," bounced the fop. "Then, I am very glad I
am not," replied the other.
LXI.--A CAPITAL LETTER.
DR. LLOYD, Bishop of Worcester, so eminent for his prophecies,
when by his solicitations and compliance at court he got removed from
a poor Welsh bishopric to a rich English one, a reverend dean of the
Church said, that he found his brother Lloyd spelt Prophet with an F.
LXII.--A GOOD PARSON.
DR. HICKRINGAL, who was one of King Charles the Second's
chaplains, whenever he preached before his Majesty, was sure to tell
him of his faults from the pulpit. One day his Majesty met the doctor in
the Mall, and said to him, "Doctor, what have I done to you that you are
always quarrelling with me?"--"I hope your Majesty is not angry with
me," quoth the doctor, "for telling the truth."--"No, no," says the king,

"but I would have us for the future be friends."--"Well, well," quoth the
doctor, "I will make it up with your Majesty on these terms,--as you
mend I'll mend."
LXIII.--SUBTRACTION AND ADDITION.
A CHIMNEY-SWEEPER'S boy went into a baker's shop for a
twopenny loaf, and conceiving it to be diminutive in size, remarked to
the baker that he did not believe it was weight. "Never mind that," said
the man of dough, "you will have the less to carry."--"True," replied
the lad, and throwing three half-pence on the counter left the shop. The
baker called after him that he had not left money enough. "Never mind
that," said young sooty, "you will have the less to count."
LXIV.--THE DOCTRINE OF CHANCES.
LORD KAMES used to relate a story of a man who claimed the honor
of his acquaintance on rather singular grounds. His lordship, when one
of the justiciary judges, returning from the north circuit to Perth,
happened one night to sleep at Dunkeld. The next morning, walking
towards the ferry, but apprehending he had missed his way, he asked a
man whom he met to conduct him. The other answered with much
cordiality: "That I will do, with all my heart, my lord; does not your
lordship remember me? My name's John ----; I have had the honor to
be before your lordship for stealing sheep?"--"Oh, John, I remember
you well; and how is your wife? she had the honor to be before me, too,
for receiving them, knowing them to be stolen."--"At your lordship's
service. We were very lucky, we got off for want of evidence; and I am
still going on in the butcher trade."--"Then," replied his lordship, "we
may have the honor of meeting again."
LXV.--A LATE EDITION.
IT was with as much delicacy as satire that Porson returned, with the
manuscript of a friend, the answer, "That it would be read when Homer
and Virgil were forgotten, but not till then."
LXVI.--VERSES WRITTEN ON A WINDOW IN THE HIGHLANDS

OF SCOTLAND.
SCOTLAND! thy weather's like a modish wife, Thy winds and rains
for ever are at strife; So termagant awhile her thunder tries, And when
she can no longer scold, she cries.
LXVII.--THREE TOUCHSTONES.
AN ancient sage uttered the following apothegm:--"The goodness of
gold is tried by fire, the goodness of women by gold, and the goodness
of men by the ordeal of women."
LXVIII.--A DIALOGUE.
Pope.
SINCE my old friend is grown so great, As to be minister of state, I'm
told (but 'tis not true I hope) That Craggs will be ashamed of Pope.
Craggs.
ALAS! if I am such a creature, To grow the worse for growing greater,
Why, faith, in spite of all my brags, 'Tis Pope must be ashamed of
Craggs.
LXIX.--BEAR AND VAN.
THE facetious Mr. Bearcroft told his friend Mr. Vansittart, "Your name
is such a long one, I shall drop the sittart, and call you Van for the
future."--"With all my heart," said he: "by the same rule, I shall drop
croft, and call you Bear!"
LXX.--EPITAPH FOR SIR JOHN VANBRUGH.
LIE heavy on him, Earth! for he Laid many heavy loads on thee!
LXXI.--PROVING THEIR METAL.
WHEN the Prince of Orange, afterwards William the Third, came over

to this country, five of the seven bishops who were sent to the Tower
declared for his highness; but the other two would not come into the
measures. Upon which Dryden said, that "the seven golden candlesticks
them proved prince's metal."
LXXII.--A DISTANT PROSPECT.
THROUGH an avenue of trees, at the back of Trinity College, a church
may be seen at a considerable distance, the approach to which affords
no very pleasing scenery. Porson, walking that way