The Inca of Perusalem | Page 8

PRINCESS. How I wish I could! The most dreadful thing of all I
have to go through myself.
ERMYNTRUDE. Dare I ask what it is, Your Highness?
THE PRINCESS. I'm going to be married. I'm to be met here and

married to a man I never saw. A boy! A boy who never saw me! One of
the sons of the Inca of Perusalem.
ERMYNTRUDE. Indeed? Which son?
THE PRINCESS. I don't know. They haven't settled which. It's a
dreadful thing to be a princess: they just marry you to anyone they like.
The Inca is to come and look at me, and pick out whichever of his sons
he thinks will suit. And then I shall be an alien enemy everywhere
except in Perusalem, because the Inca has made war on everybody.
And I shall have to pretend that everybody has made war on him. It's
too bad.
ERMYNTRUDE. Still, a husband is a husband. I wish I had one.
THE PRINCESS. Oh, how can you say that! I'm afraid you're not a
nice woman.
ERMYNTRUDE. Your Highness is provided for. I'm not.
THE PRINCESS. Even if you could bear to let a man touch you, you
shouldn't say so.
ERMYNTRUDE. I shall not say so again, Your Highness, except
perhaps to the man.
THE PRINCESS. It's too dreadful to think of. I wonder you can be so
coarse. I really don't think you'll suit. I feel sure now that you know
more about men than you should.
ERMYNTRUDE. I am a widow, Your Highness.
THE PRINCESS [overwhelmed]. Oh, I BEG your pardon. Of course I
ought to have known you would not have spoken like that if you were
not married. That makes it all right, doesn't it? I'm so sorry.
The Manager returns, white, scared, hardly able to speak.
THE MANAGER. Your Highness, an officer asks to see you on behalf
of the Inca of Perusalem.
THE PRINCESS [rising distractedly]. Oh, I can't, really. Oh, what shall
I do?
THE MANAGER. On important business, he says, Your Highness.
Captain Duval.
ERMYNTRUDE. Duval! Nonsense! The usual thing. It is the Inca
himself, incognito.
THE PRINCESS. Oh, send him away. Oh, I'm so afraid of the Inca. I'm
not properly dressed to receive him; and he is so particular: he would
order me to stay in my room for a week. Tell him to call tomorrow: say

I'm ill in bed. I can't: I won't: I daren't: you must get rid of him
somehow.
ERMYNTRUDE. Leave him to me, Your Highness.
THE PRINCESS. You'd never dare!
ERMYNTRUDE. I am an Englishwoman, Your Highess, and perfectly
capable of tackling ten Incas if necessary. I will arrange the matter. [To
the Manager.] Show Her Highness to her bedroom; and then show
Captain Duval in here.
THE PRINCESS. Oh, thank you so much. [She goes to the door.
Ermyntrude, noticing that she has left her hat and gloves on the table,
runs after her with them.] Oh, THANK you. And oh, please, if I must
have one of his sons, I should like a fair one that doesn't shave, with
soft hair and a beard. I couldn't bear being kissed by a bristly person.
[She runs out, the Manager bowing as she passes. He follows her.]
Ermyntrude whips off her waterproof; hides it; and gets herself swiftly
into perfect trim at the mirror, before the Manager, with a large jewel
case in his hand, returns, ushering in the Inca.
THE MANAGER. Captain Duval.
The Inca, in military uniform, advances with a marked and imposing
stage walk; stops; orders the trembling Manager by a gesture to place
the jewel case on the table; dismisses him with a frown; touches his
helmet graciously to Ermyntrude; and takes off his cloak.
THE INCA. I beg you, madam, to be quite at your ease, and to speak to
me without ceremony.
ERMYNTRUDE [moving haughtily and carelessly to the table]. I
hadn't the slightest intention of treating you with ceremony. [She sits
down: a liberty which gives him a perceptible shock.] I am quite at a
loss to imagine why I should treat a perfect stranger named Duval: a
captain! almost a subaltern! with the smallest ceremony.
THE INCA. That is true. I had for the moment forgotten my position.
ERMYNTRUDE. It doesn't matter. You may sit down.
THE INCA [frowning.] What!
ERMYNTRUDE. I said, you...may...sit...down.
THE INCA. Oh. [His moustache droops. He sits down.]
ERMYNTRUDE. What is your business?
THE INCA. I come on behalf of the Inca of Perusalem.
ERMYNTRUDE. The Allerhochst?

THE INCA. Precisely.
ERMYNTRUDE. I wonder does he feel ridiculous when people call
him the Allerhochst.
THE INCA [surprised]. Why should he? He IS the Allerhochst.
ERMYNTRUDE. Is he nice looking?
THE INCA. I--er. Er--I. I--er. I am not a good judge.
ERMYNTRUDE. They say he