The Good Housekeeping Marriage Book | Page 8

trait is a fundamental one, marriage should be even more
searchingly questioned, although the wedding date may be only a few
weeks off. Much has been written about the girl who marries a man to
reform him; if the reformation is not completed during the engagement,
the chances of success after marriage are small.
Yes, this new intimacy of the engagement period may indeed be trying.
Tact is required to avoid fault-finding, nagging, and jealousy. A few
"lovers' quarrels" do not matter--they give flavor to a romance--but
scolding and criticism do. Romance dies when thoughtless quarreling
enters. An engaged man should be even more of a gentleman than the
courting swain; the girl with a ring on the third finger of her left hand
should strive to be even more charming and feminine than the

heart-free lass.
Besides the problems of personality adjustment that propinquity
presents, there are such questions as these to look into: Is one standard
of moral conduct after marriage to apply to both? How free is each
partner to be? What opportunity is the girl to have to be herself, have
her own interests and friends and money? How soon is the first child
wanted? Further--and just as important--the problems of the financial
outlook can be worked on during the engagement period.
The wise couple discuss thoroughly their financial setup, draw up a
budget, and use their present resources to acquire equipment for the
new home. They decide questions which are to form the basis of the
marriage and largely influence its success: Is the wife to have her own
share of the family income, her own checking account? Must she ask
her husband for money for each household expense, or will she have an
allowance on which to run the home? In addition, is she to have money
for her own personal uses, with no more accounting required than is
expected of the husband's expenditures for tobacco and other personal
whims?
While such matters are being talked over and decided with mutual
consideration, training for marriage itself is under way. The engaged
couple may well learn to put into practice two simple yet very helpful
suggestions for married people: never both lose your temper at the
same time; make the other laugh once daily. They may also acquire an
art which contributes definitely to happiness in marriage: playing
together.
I think this is sound advice for brides-to-be: If he is a golfer, try to learn
enough about the game at least to respond to his enthusiasm. If he
fishes, encourage him and try to learn why such a simple sport thrills
him. If baseball is his game, do not disdain his choice for an afternoon's
relaxation; if he wants you to join him, go and learn enough to enjoy
the game with him; if he wants to go with men friends, encourage him,
and do not fear this means his love is cooling! (Romance thrives on
occasional separations, even occasional vacations from marriage.) Be
interested in his doings, but do not be a nuisance.

* * * * *
Grooms-to-be: If she likes bridge, improve your game and avoid
embarrassing her by dumb bids and play. If she enjoys art and finds an
art exhibit worth while, do not be the dumb male and say that this
means nothing to you; let her teach you what pictures can mean--and to
real he men, too. If she enjoys good music--going to concerts or
listening to the radio--try to share her pleasure and discover what it is
that really gives her such satisfaction. In other words, if either has a
favorite sport or a hobby, the other should try to join in--at least in the
evident satisfaction it gives. Just going to the movies, or sitting on the
sidelines watching others play, is not the ideal joint use of leisure;
young couples should actually do something together.
Exercise--active sports--helps keep every one up to par physically;
good health is one of the surest foundations for a happy marriage.
Divorce thrives among those below par; mental health, serenity, poise,
and mutual consideration are all aided by good physical condition.
And remember that mental energy needs an outlet, too. The stimulation
of good conversation in mixed groups has a favorable effect on the
emotional life of women as well as men. American husbands often err
in not drawing out their womenfolk; contempt for their ideas is too
frequent.
Those who are wisest about successful marriages advise against long
engagements. A hasty marriage and a short engagement are not the
same thing. An engaged couple who are sure of their hearts and minds
should be helped to marry as soon as the plans for the marriage can be
wisely worked out. This usually involves finances--"How soon can we
afford it?" Wise parents