The Good Housekeeping Marriage Book | Page 9

today cooperate so that the young couple do
not have to wait too long. In many cases the older generation, if it can
afford it, may give a small allowance to the recently married son or
daughter. Money thus given on a definite monthly basis for a
previously determined period means much more than a small bequest
when the father dies. Or the parents may agree, on a plan carefully
thought out, to help if unexpected financial problems beset the young
couple. Father may say that if illness overtakes either, or if the first

baby arrives earlier than planned, or if a sudden decrease in salary
comes, he will gladly help--not with a loan or as a grudging charity but
as an interested party to the success of the marriage.
If the man possibly can, he should take out some insurance, seeking
unprejudiced advice before choosing between the many kinds of
policies each company writes. Even if the policy is small, it is at least a
back log if tragedy comes; furthermore, meeting the insurance
premiums is a fine first step toward regular saving.
Marrying when either is in debt is to be avoided; such a weight hanging
over two young married people all too frequently mars the chances of
happiness. And if it is humanly possible, no man should marry while
others are dependent upon him.
One comment to engaged students: Unless the circumstances are
exceptional, do not marry until your professional training is done. If the
girl has her own income or an assured job, perhaps so; if parents will
help if an emergency arises, perhaps so; otherwise wait until you are
through professional school. Hospitals dislike to appoint married men
as internes; they are required to live in the hospital, which means no
home life. Law school and marriage do not usually mix well--nor
engineering school, nor any other form of post-graduate training. The
engaged man who is preparing for college teaching is usually wise if he
asks the girl to wait. Many of us know of graduate students who
married with only a fellowship or the wages of a wife as income, whose
marriages have been almost wrecked by sudden illness or a baby, with
resulting financial worries which have aged both the man and woman
prematurely. Late marriage for professionally trained men is,
apparently, one of the unfortunate results of the long period of
preparation for a calling.
* * * * *
The case for postponement is just as strong when one or both are
under-graduates in college, with no professional training planned.
College marriages are not so wise as marriage after college work is
finished. There are exceptions, however; one knows of cases where

marriage and return to college to finish was wise. It is unfortunate that
some colleges have rules debarring students who marry during the
course; secret marriages often result--and these are always to be
deplored.
Sometimes parental opposition, or other factors, seem to the young
couple to be sufficient justification for a secret marriage. The
circumstances which can make this a wise decision are very, very rare.
Marriage is a public matter; it should not be hidden. The couple may
feel that only their own lives are involved, but they are all too often
wrong. Even the best methods of birth control are far from 100 percent
dependable; if a baby is coming, the couple face announcements and
explanations and recriminations just at a time when serenity and
freedom from emotional strain are desirable, particularly for the bride.
Secrecy usually means hypocrisy; often it means deceit. Figures show
that secret marriages often produce marital unhappiness and an
abnormal number of divorces.
The wedding date is chosen by the bride; the honeymoon arrangements
are the responsibility of the groom. A wedding is fatiguing, particularly
to the girl; the thoughtful man will not plan a long train or motor trip or
tiring sightseeing or visits to new relatives; new in-laws can be visited
more wisely at a later time. These days should be a period of intimate
companionship; a summer camp, perhaps lent by a friend, is ideal. Here,
surrounded by nature and not mankind, relaxed honeymooners will find
the rest and privacy which should be theirs.
Where to live after the wedding? Obviously where the husband's job is.
No need to wait until his chance in the big city comes; the small town
is a better place to begin marriage. Friendships come easier, life is
simpler and usually cheaper. The divorce rate is much higher in the
cities than in small towns or rural regions. Fortunate that couple who
start their married life in a town small enough so that neighbors are
interested and helpful. The city apartment house is the most impersonal
form of dwelling mankind has devised. If the first home