The Foolish Dictionary | Page 7

and a joy forever; if from Paris, generally an article of some Worth.
* * * * *
=GUNPOWDER= A black substance much employed in marking the boundary lines of nations.
* * * * *
=GUM= A substance for sticking.
=GUM-GAME= A game in which some one is stuck.
* * * * *
=GUTTER= A school in which we may study the dregs of humanity or read the reflection of the stars.

There's many a slip twixt the toe and the heel.
H
Where there's a will there's a lawsuit.

=HAIR-DRESSER= A linguist whose position in life enables him to do his head-work with his hands.
* * * * *
=HAMMER= A small, busy implement carried by blacksmiths, geologists and Knockers for breaking iron, rock or friendship.
* * * * *
=HAMMOCK= From the Lat. hamus, hook, and Grk. makar, happy. Happiness on hooks. Also, a popular contrivance whereby love-making may be suspended but not stopped during the picnic season.
* * * * *
=HAND= A much desired possession, supplied by The Damsel or The Dealer. =GLAD HAND=. The beggar's plea, the politician's sceptre and the drummer's ablest assistant.
* * * * *
=HANDMAIDEN= A manicure.
* * * * *
=HARANGUE= The tiresome product of a tireless tongue. From Eng. hear, and Lat. angor, pain. Painful to hear.
* * * * *
=HARMONY= From the Grk. arnumi, strain. Hence, full of strains.
* * * * *
=HASH=?
* * * * *
=HATCH= To develop eggs.
=HATCHWAY= Place for developing eggs; a hen-coop.
* * * * *
=HAY-FEVER= A heart trouble caused by falling in love with a grass widow.
* * * * *
=HEARSE= Seen on the dead.
=HEARSAY= Heard on the dead.
* * * * *
=HEARSE= A handsome vehicle in which the man who has always been a tail-ender is finally permitted to lead the procession.
* * * * *
=HEART= A bloody organ, kept in a trunk, played by beats, and enjoyed only after it is lost or given away.
* * * * *
=HEAVE= To raise.
=HEAVEN= A good place to be raised to.
* * * * *
=HEDGE= A fence.
=HEDGEHOG= One who hogs the fences. A Bill-Poster.
* * * * *
=HELL= Poverty.
* * * * *
=HEREDITY= The cause of all our faults. From Fr. here, wretch, and Eng. ditty, song. The song of the wretched.
* * * * *
=HEROISM=
[Illustration]
A transferable ticket to the Haul of Fame. Once held by Hobson and Dewey, now carried by Mother Eddy and Brother Dowie.
* * * * *
=HIP= A popular location for the retail liquor business.
* * * * *
=HISTORY= The evil that men do.
* * * * *
=HIT= A chance for first place, first base or first blood.
* * * * *
=HOCK= v. t. To "soak" what we least need. In Germany, they generally "Hock the Kaiser."
* * * * *
=HOMOEOPATHY= See Allopathy.
* * * * *
=HOOT MON=! The Scottish National Hymn.
* * * * *
=HOP= To skip.
=HOPPER= A skipper.
* * * * *
=HOPE= A desire for better things to come that makes a grass widow willing to try it again. Also, a draft on futurity, sometimes honored, but generally extended.
* * * * *
[Illustration]
=HORN= A sharp point.
=HORNET= Still sharper.
* * * * *
=HORSE-SENSE= A degree of wisdom that keeps one from betting on the races.
* * * * *
=HOSE= Man's excuse for wetting the walk.
=HOSIERY= Woman's excuse for walking in the wet.
* * * * *
=HOTEL= A place where a guest often gives up good dollars for poor quarters.
* * * * *
=HOUSECLEANING= A domestic upheaval that makes it easy for the government to enlist all the soldiers it needs.
* * * * *
=HUG= A roundabout way of expressing affection.
* * * * *
=HUMOR= An outbreak, either of skin or brains frequently branded as Rash.
* * * * *
=HUNGER= Ability to eat in a Night Lunch Cart.
* * * * *
=HUSBAND= The next thing to a wife. From Eng. hussy, woman, and bond, tie. Tied to a woman.
* * * * *
=HYDRANT= From Grk. hudros, water, and Eng. ante, to give up. Something that gives up water. (A good synonym for Dipsomaniac).
* * * * *
=HYPOCRITE= A horse dealer. From Grk. hippos, horse, and kroteo, to beat. One who beats you on a horse trade.

Home is where the mortgage is.
I
Aim at a chorus-girl and you may hit a star.--Stage-Door Secrets.

=ICE= A substance frequently associated with a tumble in winter, a tumbler in summer, and a skate the year around.
* * * * *
=ICEMAN= A cool proposition who has Axe-cess to the best families, makes his Weigh in every home and can take his Pick in the kitchen, if he leaves his Chips in the street. "How'd You Like to be The Iceman?"
* * * * *
=IDIOT= From Eng. idea, and out. One who is just out of ideas.
* * * * *
=IDLE= Useless.
=IDOLIZE= To make useless.
* * * * *
=IMPECUNIOUS= To be in a state of poverty. From Eng. in, and Lat. pecco,