The Foolish Dictionary | Page 6

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=FAITH= A mental accomplishment whereby an ear-ache becomes a Symphony Concert, a broken finger a diamond ring and a "touch" an invitation to dine.
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=FAKE= A false report.
=FAKIR= A false reporter.
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=FAME= Having a brand of cigars named after you.
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=FAMILY=
[Illustration]
Originally a wife and several children, a matter of pride to the possessor. Now obsolete among the careful, or confined to the wife, a bull pup and a canary bird.
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=FARE.= The cost of a ride. See old adage, "Only the brave can work their fare."
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=FAULT= About the only thing that is often found where it does not exist.
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=FICTION.= The Constitutional fiat that "all men are created equal."
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=FIDDLER= A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso who refuses to play a real tune.
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=FIRMNESS= That admirable quality in ourselves that is detestable stubbornness in others.
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=FIG= Nothing. Note, "I don't care a fig," etc.
=FIG LEAF= A small outer garment, next to nothing, worn by Adam 4000 B.C. and occasionally revived by Bostonian Art Committees.
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=FISHING= An heroic treatment tried by some laymen to avoid falling asleep in church on Sunday.
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=FLAT= A series of padded cells, commonly found in cities, in which are confined harmless monomaniacs who imagine Home to be a Sardine Box.
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=FLATTERY= Cologne water, to be smelled of but not swallowed.
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=FLUE= An escape for hot air.
=FLUENCY= The art of releasing the same.
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=FLUSH= From Grk. phlox, heat. A rush of color to the cheek, or hand, caused by bodily--or poker--heat.
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=FLY= A familiar summer boarder who mingles with the cream of society, gets stuck on the butter and leaves his specs behind.
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=FLY-SCREEN= An arrangement for keeping flies in the house.
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=FOOT= The understanding of a girl from the west.
=FOOT-PATH= Chicago, Ill.
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=FOOTBALL= A clever subterfuge for carrying on prize-fights under the guise of a reputable game.
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=FOREIGNER=
[Illustration]
One who is eligible to the police force. From Grk. fero, to carry off, and enara, spoils. One who carries off the spoils.
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=FORBEARANCE= The spirit of toleration shown when a man who knows, patiently listens to a fool who does not.
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=FRANC= Twenty cents, in French.
=FRANKFURTERS= Four for twenty, in German. Derived from frank, open, and fortitude, meaning brave. Sold in the open and eaten by the brave.
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=FROST= An old flame after the engagement is broken off.
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=FUN= Joy.
=FUNCTION= Devoid of joy.

As ye sew, so shall ye rip.
G
Money makes the mayor go.--Proverbs of Politics.

=GALLON= From the Fr. galonner, to make tight. Note, one is sufficient.
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=GALLANTRY= This word is now almost obsolete. It was formerly employed to express a deferential attention on the part of the man who in a crowded car gave up his seat to the ladies.
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=GAMBLER= From the Grk. gumnos, stripped to the skin. And the gambler's the one that does it.
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=GARDEN= From the Fr. garantir, to make good. Hence, a place where lovers make good.
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=GARLIC= From Grk. gar, for, and Lat. liceor, to bid. Good for the biddies.
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=GEM= A breakfast muffin. With the newly married, syn. for "a precious stone."
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=GERM= A bit of animal life living in water.
=GERMAN=
[Illustration]
More animal life, living on beer.
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=GIRAFFE= The champion rubber-neck of the world, and the longest thirst on record.
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=GLOBE= An all-round proposition which has furnished its shareholders a living for several thousand years, though its stock is two-thirds water.
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=GOAT= The honored founder and oldest inhabitant of Harlem, N.Y. Elsewhere, not in good odor.
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=GOLF= An excuse for carrying unconcealed weapons and a Scotch breath.
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=GONDOLA= A pleasure craft which plies in Venice, at World's Fairs and other popular watering places. From Eng. gone, and Lat. dolor, sadness, or Eng. dollar. Sadness gone; also, a gone dollar.
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=GORE= Blood. Shed daily in Chicago abattoirs but never spilled in French duels.
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=GOSSIP= Derived either from the Grk. gups, vulture, or Fr. gosier, wind-pipe. Hence, a vulture that tears its prey to bits, or an exercise of the wind-pipe from which every victim gets a blow.
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=GOUT= The undesirable scion of High Living, which frequent the lowest joints and is mentioned only in the Invalid's Foot-Notes.
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=GOWN= From Lat. gaudium, joy. A thing of beauty