The Follies of Love | Page 6

fangs--and so as not to fear their cruel fury, I intend to close all
parts of the sheep pen, to carefully surround my house with iron bars,
and to let in only a few people--and that by day. I have need of your
help at this juncture, so that the fencing will go as I intend.
Jenny Who, me?
Albert I don't wish this invention to appear to be the result of my
precaution. Arabella would be alarmed--with reason, to see my care
result in her being locked in--that might cause her to become cold to
me. But, with clever girls, one must gild the pill adroitly, and make her
understand that all that is being done is only to protect her--and that last
night a number of bandits got into a nearby house and left only the
walls standing.
Jenny But, sir, do you think with this trick--and many others of the
same type that you employ--do you believe that you will make her love

you?
Albert That's not your worry; suffice that I wish it.
Jenny Go on, at your age, to wish to taste of marriage a second time.
Crazier still, to be amorous of a fifteen year old, and yet crazier to plan
to cage her up. I count three extravagances in this plan--likely to be
funereal in its consequence--and the least of them leads straight to
Bedlam.
Albert I have excellent reasons for my conduct.
Jenny Thanks to the effects of celestial bounty, I have my virtue intact.
But, if I had a husband or a lover of your mind, they'd have horns all
over their heads, by God! If you choose me to take on this trouble, I tell
you plainly, your hope is vain. I don't intend to meddle in your
cowardly plans. The case is too villainous, and I wash my hands of it.
Albert Do you know that after having employed persuasion, I also
know how to employ intimidation?
Jenny Storm, swear, howl--go into a fit, you will only hear me repeat
again, that a jealous man is a frightful thing--a thing one would
cheerfully see buried a hundred feet underground. There is nothing
more hideous-- not Satan, Lucifer, and the many other
gentleman-inhabitants of hell. They are much more handsome,
charming, love-killers--less cruel and less insupportable--than certain
jealous creatures such as one sees about here. You understand me--I
have spoken and I will retire. Goodbye.
(Exit Jenny.)
Albert All the world is busy here plotting to betray me. One would
conclude they have no greater joy. Jenny's worth nothing, but from fear
of worse, I'll keep her. I will not let what people say, or their criticism
prevent me from accomplishing the plan my heart is bent on realizing.
(Enter Scratch.)
Scratch (aside) My master, Mr. Worthy, who is waiting for me at the
nearby inn, has sent me on before to sound the terrain. (seeing Albert)
There, I take it, is our man. I must dissemble.
Albert What are you doing here, by yourself and before my door?
Scratch Good day, sir.
Albert (sourly) Good day.
Scratch I--are you well?
Albert (grumpily) Yes.

Scratch Truly, that rejoices my heart.
Albert Rejoice or not rejoice--what brings you here? And who are you?
Scratch I would find it hard to say. I have so many jobs that I might call
myself a universal man. I have wandered the universe; the world is my
country. From lack of income, I lived by industry--as many others do.
According to the circumstances, sometimes an honest man, sometimes
a confidence man. I served unwillingly in the Navy--and realizing my
heart inclined to rapine after having spent eighteen months privateering.
I carried a musket in Flanders and Germany; I was wounded in the wars
with France.
Albert There are some fine jobs. (aside) From tip to toe, this fellow
seems to me to have the air of a rogue. (aloud) What are you doing here?
Speak!
Scratch I will retire.
Albert (holding him) No, no, you must speak.
Scratch (aside) I don't know what to say to him.
Albert You seem to me to have the air of one of those rogues who
prowl around to rob houses at night.
Scratch You don't know me, sir. I have other things on my mind. While
Fortune prevents me from having wealth, it has given me marvelous
secrets for curing ills. I amuse myself by seeking medicinal herbs
around here.
Albert (surprised) Medicinal herbs?
Scratch Yes, sir. All my life, I've made a profession of chemistry. As
sure as you see me, there are no diseases I cannot cure--stone, coughs,
vertigo, hysteria, heart disease, cancer. I've even been accused of using
magic. The only thing I lack is a degree to make me the happiest
physician living.
Albert Your clothes