The Devils Dictionary | Page 5

Joinville.
ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.
ACKNOWLEDGE, v.t. To confess. Acknowledgement of one another's faults is the
highest duty imposed by our love of truth.
ACQUAINTANCE, n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not
well enough to lend to. A degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or
obscure, and intimate when he is rich or famous.
ACTUALLY, adv. Perhaps; possibly.
ADAGE, n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.
ADAMANT, n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of
gold.
ADDER, n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the
other expenses of living.
ADHERENT, n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.
ADMINISTRATION, n. An ingenious abstraction in politics, designed to receive the
kicks and cuffs due to the premier or president. A man of straw, proof against bad-egging
and dead-catting.

ADMIRAL, n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the figure-head does
the thinking.
ADMIRATION, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
ADMONITION, n. Gentle reproof, as with a meat-axe. Friendly warning.
Consigned by way of admonition, His soul forever to perdition.
Judibras
ADORE, v.t. To venerate expectantly.
ADVICE, n. The smallest current coin.
"The man was in such deep distress," Said Tom, "that I could do no less Than give him
good advice." Said Jim: "If less could have been done for him I know you well enough,
my son, To know that's what you would have done."
Jebel Jocordy
AFFIANCED, pp. Fitted with an ankle-ring for the ball-and-chain.
AFFLICTION, n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter
world.
AFRICAN, n. A nigger that votes our way.
AGE, n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by
reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.
AGITATOR, n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors -- to dislodge the
worms.
AIM, n. The task we set our wishes to. "Cheer up! Have you no aim in life?" She tenderly
inquired. "An aim? Well, no, I haven't, wife; The fact is -- I have fired."
G.J.
AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the
poor.
ALDERMAN, n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of
open marauding.
ALIEN, n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
ALLAH, n. The Mahometan Supreme Being, as distinguished from the Christian, Jewish,
and so forth.

Allah's good laws I faithfully have kept, And ever for the sins of man have wept; And
sometimes kneeling in the temple I Have reverently crossed my hands and slept.
Junker Barlow
ALLEGIANCE, n.
This thing Allegiance, as I suppose, Is a ring fitted in the subject's nose, Whereby that
organ is kept rightly pointed To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed.
G.J.
ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so
deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
ALLIGATOR, n. The crocodile of America, superior in every detail to the crocodile of
the effete monarchies of the Old World. Herodotus says the Indus is, with one exception,
the only river that produces crocodiles, but they appear to have gone West and grown up
with the other rivers. From the notches on his back the alligator is called a sawrian.
ALONE, adj. In bad company.
In contact, lo! the flint and steel, By spark and flame, the thought reveal That he the metal,
she the stone, Had cherished secretly alone.
Booley Fito
ALTAR, n. The place whereupon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the
sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is
now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a
male and a female tool.
They stood before the altar and supplied The fire themselves in which their fat was fried.
In vain the sacrifice! -- no god will claim An offering burnt with an unholy flame.
M.P. Nopput
AMBIDEXTROUS, adj. Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
AMBITION, n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made
ridiculous by friends when dead.
AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too
expensive to punish.
ANOINT, v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.
As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood, So pigs to lead the populace are greased
good.

Judibras
ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.
APHORISM, n. Predigested wisdom.
The flabby wine-skin of his brain