The Devils Dictionary | Page 4

to cumber; they fertilize.
ABRACADABRA.
By Abracadabra we signify An infinite number of things. 'Tis the answer to What? and
How? and Why? And Whence? and Whither? -- a word whereby The Truth (with the
comfort it brings) Is open to all who grope in night, Crying for Wisdom's holy light.
Whether the word is a verb or a noun Is knowledge beyond my reach. I only know that
'tis handed down. From sage to sage, From age to age -- An immortal part of speech!
Of an ancient man the tale is told That he lived to be ten centuries old, In a cave on a
mountain side. (True, he finally died.) The fame of his wisdom filled the land, For his
head was bald, and you'll understand His beard was long and white And his eyes
uncommonly bright.
Philosophers gathered from far and near To sit at his feet and hear and hear, Though he
never was heard To utter a word But "Abracadabra, abracadab, Abracada, abracad,
Abraca, abrac, abra, ab!" 'Twas all he had, 'Twas all they wanted to hear, and each Made
copious notes of the mystical speech, Which they published next -- A trickle of text In the
meadow of commentary. Mighty big books were these, In a number, as leaves of trees; In
learning, remarkably -- very!
He's dead, As I said, And the books of the sages have perished, But his wisdom is
sacredly cherished. In Abracadabra it solemnly rings, Like an ancient bell that forever
swings. O, I love to hear That word make clear Humanity's General Sense of Things.
Jamrach Holobom
ABRIDGE, v.t. To shorten.
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for people to abridge their
king, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the

causes which impel them to the separation.
Oliver Cromwell
ABRUPT, adj. Sudden, without ceremony, like the arrival of a cannon- shot and the
departure of the soldier whose interests are most affected by it. Dr. Samuel Johnson
beautifully said of another author's ideas that they were "concatenated without
abruption."
ABSCOND, v.i. To "move in a mysterious way," commonly with the property of another.
Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; The trees are leaving and cashiers
abscond.
Phela Orm
ABSENT, adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the
wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.
To men a man is but a mind. Who cares What face he carries or what form he wears? But
woman's body is the woman. O, Stay thou, my sweetheart, and do never go, But heed the
warning words the sage hath said: A woman absent is a woman dead.
Jogo Tyree
ABSENTEE, n. A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself
from the sphere of exaction.
ABSOLUTE, adj. Independent, irresponsible. An absolute monarchy is one in which the
sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute
monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the
sovereign's power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are
governed by chance.
ABSTAINER, n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a
pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and
especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.
Said a man to a crapulent youth: "I thought You a total abstainer, my son." "So I am, so I
am," said the scapegrace caught -- "But not, sir, a bigoted one."
G.J.
ABSURDITY, n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
ACADEME, n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.
ACADEMY, n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.

ACCIDENT, n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.
ACCOMPLICE, n. One associated with another in a crime, having guilty knowledge and
complicity, as an attorney who defends a criminal, knowing him guilty. This view of the
attorney's position in the matter has not hitherto commanded the assent of attorneys, no
one having offered them a fee for assenting.
ACCORD, n. Harmony.
ACCORDION, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.
ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.
"My accountability, bear in mind," Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes, yes," Said the Shah: "I
do -- 'tis the only kind Of ability you possess."
Joram Tate
ACCUSE, v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of
ourselves for having wronged him.
ACEPHALOUS, adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at
his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had, unconsciously to him, passed
through his neck, as related by de