The Devils Dictionary | Page 3

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The Internet Wiretap 1st Online Edition of

THE DEVIL'S DICTIONARY by AMBROSE BIERCE

Entered by Aloysius of &tSftDotIotE [email protected]

AUTHOR'S PREFACE
The Devil's Dictionary was begun in a weekly paper in 1881, and was continued in a
desultory way at long intervals until 1906. In that year a large part of it was published in
covers with the title _The Cynic's Word Book_, a name which the author had not the
power to reject or happiness to approve. To quote the publishers of the present work:

"This more reverent title had previously been forced upon him by the religious scruples
of the last newspaper in which a part of the work had appeared, with the natural
consequence that when it came out in covers the country already had been flooded by its
imitators with a score of 'cynic' books -- The Cynic's This, The Cynic's That, and The
Cynic's t'Other. Most of these books were merely stupid, though some of them added the
distinction of silliness. Among them, they brought the word 'cynic' into disfavor so deep
that any book bearing it was discredited in advance of publication."
Meantime, too, some of the enterprising humorists of the country had helped themselves
to such parts of the work as served their needs, and many of its definitions, anecdotes,
phrases and so forth, had become more or less current in popular speech. This
explanation is made, not with any pride of priority in trifles, but in simple denial of
possible charges of plagiarism, which is no trifle. In merely resuming his own the author
hopes to be held guiltless by those to whom the work is addressed -- enlightened souls
who prefer dry wines to sweet, sense to sentiment, wit to humor and clean English to
slang.
A conspicuous, and it is hoped not unpleasant, feature of the book is its abundant
illustrative quotations from eminent poets, chief of whom is that learned and ingenius
cleric, Father Gassalasca Jape, S.J., whose lines bear his initials. To Father Jape's kindly
encouragement and assistance the author of the prose text is greatly indebted.
A.B.

A

ABASEMENT, n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth of
power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.
ABATIS, n. Rubbish in front of a fort, to prevent the rubbish outside from molesting the
rubbish inside.
ABDICATION, n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature
of the throne.
Poor Isabella's Dead, whose abdication Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.
For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her: She wisely left a throne too hot to hold
her. To History she'll be no royal riddle -- Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the
griddle.
G.J.
ABDOMEN, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights,
all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent.
They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true

reverence for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a free
hand in the world's marketing the race would become graminivorous.
ABILITY, n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner
ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is
commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps, however, this
impressive quality is rightly appraised; it is no easy task to be solemn.
ABNORMAL, adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct, to be
independent is to be abnormal, to be abnormal is to be detested. Wherefore the
lexicographer adviseth a striving toward the straiter [sic] resemblance of the Average
Man than he hath to himself. Whoso attaineth thereto shall have peace, the prospect of
death and the hope of Hell.
ABORIGINIES, n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly
discovered country. They soon cease