Songs of a Savoyard | Page 6

fleeting?
Fickle moment, prithee stay!

What though mortal joys be hollow?
Pleasures come, if sorrows
follow.
Though the tocsin sound, ere long,
Ding dong! Ding dong!

Yet until the shadows fall
Over one and over all,
Sing a merry
madrigal -
Fal la!
Let us dry the ready tear;
Though the hours are surely creeping,

Little need for woeful weeping
Till the sad sundown is near.
All
must sip the cup of sorrow,
I to-day and thou to-morrow:
This the
close of every song -
Ding dong! Ding dong!
What though solemn
shadows fall,
Sooner, later, over all?
Sing a merry madrigal -
Fal
la!
Ballad: The Duke And The Duchess

[THE DUKE.]
Small titles and orders
For Mayors and Recorders

I get - and they're highly delighted.
M.P.s baronetted,
Sham
Colonels gazetted,
And second-rate Aldermen knighted.

Foundation-stone laying
I find very paying,
It adds a large sum to
my makings.
At charity dinners
The best of speech-spinners,
I get
ten per cent on the takings!
[THE DUCHESS.]
I present any lady
Whose conduct is shady

Or smacking of doubtful propriety;
When Virtue would quash her
I
take and whitewash her
And launch her in first-rate society.
I
recommend acres
Of clumsy dressmakers -
Their fit and their
finishing touches;
A sum in addition
They pay for permission
To
say that they make for the Duchess!
[THE DUKE.]
Those pressing prevailers,
The ready-made tailors,

Quote me as their great double-barrel;
I allow them to do so,

Though ROBINSON CRUSOE
Would jib at their wearing apparel!

I sit, by selection,
Upon the direction
Of several Companies bubble;

As soon as they're floated
I'm freely bank-noted -
I'm pretty well
paid for my trouble!
[THE DUCHESS.]
At middle-class party
I play at ECARTE -

And I'm by no means a beginner;
To one of my station
The
remuneration -
Five guineas a night and my dinner.
I write letters
blatant

On medicines patent -
And use any other you mustn't;
And
vow my complexion
Derives its perfection
From somebody's soap -
which it doesn't.
[THE DUKE.]
We're ready as witness
To any one's fitness
To fill
any place or preferment;
We're often in waiting
At junket FETING,

And sometimes attend an interment.
In short, if you'd kindle
The
spark of a swindle,
Lure simpletons into your clutches,
Or
hoodwink a debtor,
You cannot do better
Than trot out a Duke or a
Duchess!

Ballad: Eheu Fugaces -!
The air is charged with amatory numbers -
Soft madrigals, and
dreamy lovers' lays.
Peace, peace, old heart! Why waken from its
slumbers
The aching memory of the old, old days?
Time was when Love and I were well acquainted;
Time was when we
walked ever hand in hand;
A saintly youth, with worldly thought
untainted,
None better loved than I in all the land!
Time was, when
maidens of the noblest station,
Forsaking even military men,
Would
gaze upon me, rapt in adoration -
Ah me, I was a fair young curate
then!
Had I a headache? sighed the maids assembled;
Had I a cold? welled
forth the silent tear;
Did I look pale? then half a parish trembled;

And when I coughed all thought the end was near!
I had no care - no
jealous doubts hung o'er me -
For I was loved beyond all other men.

Fled gilded dukes and belted earls before me -
Ah me, I was a pale
young curate then!
Ballad: They'll None Of 'Em Be Missed
As some day it may happen that a victim must be found,
I've got a
little list - I've got a little list
Of social offenders who might well be
underground,
And who never would be missed - who never would be
missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who write for autographs -
All people who have flabby hands and irritating laughs -
All children
who are up in dates, and floor you with 'em flat - All persons who in
shaking hands, shake hands with you like THAT - And all third persons
who on spoiling TETE-E-TETES insist - They'd none of 'em be missed
- they'd none of 'em be missed!
There's the nigger serenader, and the others of his race,
And the piano
organist - I've got him on the list!
And the people who eat peppermint
and puff it in your face, They never would be missed - they never

would be missed!
Then the idiot who praises, with enthusiastic tone,

All centuries but this, and every country but his own;
And the lady
from the provinces, who dresses like a guy,
And who "doesn't think
she waltzes, but would rather like to try"; And that FIN-DE-SIECLE
anomaly, the scorching motorist -
I don't think he'd be missed - I'm
SURE he'd not be missed!
And that NISI PRIUS nuisance, who just now is rather rife,
The
Judicial humorist - I've got HIM on the list!
All funny fellows, comic
men, and clowns of private life -
They'd none of 'em be missed -
they'd none of 'em be missed! And apologetic statesmen of the
compromising kind,
Such as - What-d'ye-call-him - Thing'em-Bob,
and likewise - Nevermind,
And 'St - 'st - 'st - and What's-his-name, and also - You-know-who -

(The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to YOU!) But it really
doesn't matter whom you put upon the list,
For they'd none of 'em be
missed - they'd none of 'em be missed!
Ballad: Girl Graduates
They intend to send