Songs of a Savoyard | Page 7

a wire
To the moon;
And they'll set the Thames
on fire
Very soon;
Then they learn to make silk purses
With their
rigs
From the ears of LADY CIRCE'S
Piggy-wigs.
And weasels
at their slumbers
They'll trepan;
To get sunbeams from cuCUMbers

They've a plan.
They've a firmly rooted notion
They can cross the
Polar Ocean,
And they'll find Perpetual Motion
If they can!
These are the phenomena
That every pretty domina
Hopes that we
shall see
At this Universitee!
As for fashion, they forswear it,
So they say,
And the circle - they
will square it
Some fine day;
Then the little pigs they're teaching

For to fly;
And the niggers they'll be bleaching
By-and-by!
Each
newly joined aspirant

To the clan
Must repudiate the tyrant


Known as Man;
They mock at him and flout him,
For they do not
care about him,
And they're "going to do without him"
If they can!
These are the phenomena
That every pretty domina
Hopes that we
shall see
At this Universitee!
Ballad: Braid The Raven Hair
Braid the raven hair,
Weave the supple tress,
Deck the maiden fair

In her loveliness;
Paint the pretty face,
Dye the coral lip,

Emphasise the grace
Of her ladyship!
Art and nature, thus allied,

Go to make a pretty bride!
Sit with downcast eye,
Let it brim with dew;
Try if you can cry,

We will do so, too.
When you're summoned, start
Like a frightened
roe;
Flutter, little heart,
Colour, come and go!
Modesty at
marriage tide
Well becomes a pretty bride!
Ballad: The Working Monarch
Rising early in the morning,
We proceed to light the fire,
Then our
Majesty adorning
In its work-a-day attire,
We embark without
delay
On the duties of the day.
First, we polish off some batches
Of political despatches,
And
foreign politicians circumvent;
Then, if business isn't heavy,
We
may hold a Royal LEVEE,
Or ratify some Acts of Parliament:
Then
we probably review the household troops -
With the usual "Shalloo
humps" and "Shalloo hoops!"
Or receive with ceremonial and state

An interesting Eastern Potentate.
After that we generally
Go and
dress our private VALET -
(It's a rather nervous duty - he a touchy little man) -
Write some
letters literary
For our private secretary -
(He is shaky in his
spelling, so we help him if we can.)
Then, in view of cravings inner,


We go down and order dinner;
Or we polish the Regalia and the
Coronation Plate -
Spend an hour in titivating
All our
Gentlemen-in-Waiting;
Or we run on little errands for the Ministers
of State.
Oh, philosophers may sing
Of the troubles of a King,
Yet
the duties are delightful, and the privileges great;
But the privilege
and pleasure
That we treasure beyond measure
Is to run on little
errands for the Ministers of State!
After luncheon (making merry
On a bun and glass of sherry),
If
we've nothing in particular to do,
We may make a Proclamation,
Or
receive a Deputation -
Then we possibly create a Peer or two.
Then
we help a fellow-creature on his path
With the Garter or the Thistle or
the Bath:
Or we dress and toddle off in semi-State
To a festival, a
function, or a FETE.
Then we go and stand as sentry
At the Palace
(private entry),
Marching hither, marching thither, up and down and
to and fro, While the warrior on duty
Goes in search of beer and
beauty
(And it generally happens that he hasn't far to go).
He
relieves us, if he's able,
Just in time to lay the table.
Then we dine and serve the coffee; and at half-past twelve or one, With
a pleasure that's emphatic;
Then we seek our little attic
With the
gratifying feeling that our duty has been done.
Oh, philosophers may
sing
Of the troubles of a King,
But of pleasures there are many and
of troubles there are none; And the culminating pleasure
That we
treasure beyond measure
Is the gratifying feeling that our duty has
been done!
Ballad: The Ape And The Lady
A LADY fair, of lineage high,
Was loved by an Ape, in the days gone
by -
The Maid was radiant as the sun,
The Ape was a most
unsightly one -
So it would not do -
His scheme fell through;
For
the Maid, when his love took formal shape,
Expressed such terror

At his monstrous error,
That he stammered an apology and made his

'scape,
The picture of a disconcerted Ape.
With a view to rise in the social scale,
He shaved his bristles, and he
docked his tail,
He grew moustachios, and he took his tub,
And he
paid a guinea to a toilet club.
But it would not do,
The scheme fell
through -
For the Maid was Beauty's fairest Queen,
With golden
tresses,
Like a real princess's,
While the Ape, despite his razor keen,

Was the apiest Ape that ever was seen!
He bought white ties, and he bought dress suits,
He crammed his feet
into bright tight boots,
And to start his life on a brand-new plan,
He
christened himself Darwinian Man!
But it would not do,
The
scheme fell through -
For the Maiden fair, whom the monkey craved,

Was a radiant Being,
With a brain far-seeing -
While a Man,
however well-behaved,
At best is only a monkey shaved!
Ballad: Only Roses
To a garden full of posies
Cometh one to gather flowers;
And he
wanders through its bowers
Toying with the wanton roses,
Who,
uprising from their beds,
Hold on high their shameless heads
With
their pretty lips a-pouting,
Never doubting - never doubting
That
for