Sketches of Young Couples | Page 8

that it made her ill, and she was always sorry for it afterwards, which
afforded Mrs. Leaver an opportunity of pretending to be cross, and
showing many other prettinesses. But this was merely the smiling
surface of their loves, not the mighty depths of the stream, down to
which the company, to say the truth, dived rather unexpectedly, from
the following accident. It chanced that Mr. Leaver took upon himself to
propose the bachelors who had first originated the notion of that
entertainment, in doing which, he affected to regret that he was no
longer of their body himself, and pretended grievously to lament his
fallen state. This Mrs. Leaver's feelings could not brook, even in jest,
and consequently, exclaiming aloud, 'He loves me not, he loves me
not!' she fell in a very pitiable state into the arms of Mrs. Starling, and,
directly becoming insensible, was conveyed by that lady and her

husband into another room. Presently Mr. Leaver came running back to
know if there was a medical gentleman in company, and as there was,
(in what company is there not?) both Mr. Leaver and the medical
gentleman hurried away together.
The medical gentleman was the first who returned, and among his
intimate friends he was observed to laugh and wink, and look as
unmedical as might be; but when Mr. Leaver came back he was very
solemn, and in answer to all inquiries, shook his head, and remarked
that Augusta was far too sensitive to be trifled with--an opinion which
the widow subsequently confirmed. Finding that she was in no
imminent peril, however, the rest of the party betook themselves to
dancing on the green, and very merry and happy they were, and a vast
quantity of flirtation there was; the last circumstance being no doubt
attributable, partly to the fineness of the weather, and partly to the
locality, which is well known to be favourable to all harmless
recreations.
In the bustle of the scene, Mr. and Mrs. Leaver stole down to the boat,
and disposed themselves under the awning, Mrs. Leaver reclining her
head upon Mr. Leaver's shoulder, and Mr. Leaver grasping her hand
with great fervour, and looking in her face from time to time with a
melancholy and sympathetic aspect. The widow sat apart, feigning to
be occupied with a book, but stealthily observing them from behind her
fan; and the two firemen-watermen, smoking their pipes on the bank
hard by, nudged each other, and grinned in enjoyment of the joke. Very
few of the party missed the loving couple; and the few who did,
heartily congratulated each other on their disappearance.

THE CONTRADICTORY COUPLE

One would suppose that two people who are to pass their whole lives
together, and must necessarily be very often alone with each other,
could find little pleasure in mutual contradiction; and yet what is more
common than a contradictory couple?

The contradictory couple agree in nothing but contradiction. They
return home from Mrs. Bluebottle's dinner-party, each in an opposite
corner of the coach, and do not exchange a syllable until they have
been seated for at least twenty minutes by the fireside at home, when
the gentleman, raising his eyes from the stove, all at once breaks
silence:
'What a very extraordinary thing it is,' says he, 'that you WILL
contradict, Charlotte!' 'I contradict!' cries the lady, 'but that's just like
you.' 'What's like me?' says the gentleman sharply. 'Saying that I
contradict you,' replies the lady. 'Do you mean to say that you do NOT
contradict me?' retorts the gentleman; 'do you mean to say that you
have not been contradicting me the whole of this day?' 'Do you mean to
tell me now, that you have not? I mean to tell you nothing of the kind,'
replies the lady quietly; 'when you are wrong, of course I shall
contradict you.'
During this dialogue the gentleman has been taking his brandy-and-
water on one side of the fire, and the lady, with her dressing-case on the
table, has been curling her hair on the other. She now lets down her
back hair, and proceeds to brush it; preserving at the same time an air
of conscious rectitude and suffering virtue, which is intended to
exasperate the gentleman--and does so.
'I do believe,' he says, taking the spoon out of his glass, and tossing it
on the table, 'that of all the obstinate, positive, wrong-headed creatures
that were ever born, you are the most so, Charlotte.' 'Certainly,
certainly, have it your own way, pray. You see how much I contradict
you,' rejoins the lady. 'Of course, you didn't contradict me at
dinner-time--oh no, not you!' says the gentleman. 'Yes, I did,' says the
lady. 'Oh, you did,' cries the gentleman 'you admit that?' 'If you call that