Signora Fantastic | Page 6

come. She's staying in the street to
purchase some helmets and some armor in a shop.

RODOLPHE: Helmets and armor! And what's she intend to do with
'em?
ZEPHERINA: The first play that we will perform will be entirely
military.
RODOLPHE: Entirely military! My pretty child; and how will you set
about it?
ZEPHERINA: Licidas will be a cavalry man. And you? Why wouldn't
you make a second?
RODOLPHE: Me! Ah--for goodness sake!
ZEPHERINA: And why not? You think perhaps you have bad form?
RODOLPHE: No, truly. I don't think that.
ZEPHERINA: My mother will correct you.
RODOLPHE: And in what, Miss--if you please?
ZEPHERINA: To march straight ahead as you are doing, from being
rough, clumsy.
RODOLPHE: Miss, I intend to remain as I am.
ZEPHERINA: Sir, you are wrong. Look here. Your brother had the air
of a ninny.
RODOLPHE: Oh, that's true.
ZEPHERINA: Well. Now he has a free and easy bearing.
RODOLPHE: Not so much so as yet.
ZEPHERINA: That will come. But let's see what can be made of you.
RODOLPHE: Nothing.

ZEPHERINA: What! You cling to minor roles? Would you like to be a
guard at the back of the stage?
RODOLPHE: No, Miss.
ZEPHERINA: Perhaps you would simply play the bear in The Hunters
and the Milkmaid.
RODOLPHE: Miss--
ZEPHERINA: One of my mother's friends has that part; he won't let
you have it.
RODOLPHE: Miss. I don't wish to play a thing. Not to play anything at
all. Do you understand?
ZEPHERINA: Not possible! What would you do then?
RODOLPHE: What would I do? By Jove, I'd do what I am. Captain
Rodolphe Kriegschenmahl.
ZEPHERINA: Now that's fine. My mother is also Signora Fantastici;
me--Zepherina Fantastici. But you need to be good for something. My
job is that of young female leads. And you sir, would you believe it? I
think well enough of you to give you the role of Renaldo in Armida.
LICIDAS: Ah, Zepherina. What are you thinking of? That's mine.
ZEPHERINA: Let me do it, let me do it. It's necessary to attract
beginners. The role will revert to you.
RODOLPHE: Renaldo and Armida? What's that? That doesn't relate to
someone in our social circle? I don't wish to shock anyone.
ZEPHERINA: No, I assure you, don't worry. But look--try--
RODOLPHE: This child amuses me; I'd really like to act with her.
ZEPHERINA: Take off your big boots.

RODOLPHE: I never take them off. Not even at night.
ZEPHERINA: Still. Take them off.
RODOLPHE: I'd really like to, but I'll get cold in my legs.
ZEPHERINA: Take off your saber.
RODOLPHE: Miss.
ZEPHERINA: You will take it back.
RODOLPHE: Soon! You cannot leave your saber to trifle.
ZEPHERINA: I would like you to shave your mustaches.
RODOLPHE: Ah! that no. For goodness sakes, that's contrary to
regulations.
ZEPHERINA: But when I have to put a crown of roses on your head,
how's that going to look with mustaches?
RODOLPHE: Oh! That's true; that will go ill. And yet I love roses,
after the smell of tobacco, it's the best odor I know of.
ZEPHERINA: Seem to go to sleep.
RODOLPHE: Sometimes I sleep. Often, actually. But I don't seem to
be asleep. Must I close my eyes for that?
ZEPHERINA: Yes, without doubt; I am coming to kill you when you
are asleep.
RODOLPHE: Then return my saber to me, Miss. For in the end that's
not fair.
ZEPHERINA: Your face pleases me. Touch me, and prepared to strike
you, I will let the poignard fall.

RODOLPHE: Ah, now that's charming. If my face pleases you, I can
kiss you.
ZEPHERINA: Ah, no!
RODOLPHE: So much the worse.
ZEPHERINA: You are waking up.
RODOLPHE: I'm awake.
ZEPHERINA: You rise.
RODOLPHE: Here I am standing.
ZEPHERINA: Ah. Not like that. Your actions must be soft, smooth.
RODOLPHE: But my uniform is so tight that I cannot move my arms
except to exercise.
ZEPHERINA: Exercise! How dreadful! Take off your shirt and put on
my shawl in its place.
RODOLPHE: Your shawl? What's this signify, little witch?
ZEPHERINA: Obey!
RODOLPHE: Why look at that! She talks to me like my general.
ZEPHERINA: I am that, your general. You belong to us.
RODOLPHE: Me! I am not engaged. I didn't sign my enlistment.
ZEPHERINA: Dance with me. Hold the end of this shawl. Come
on--turn.
(Rodolphe dances with Zepherina; Licidas watches them laughing.)
RODOLPHE: Brother, you are laughing. I'm going. (gets wrapped up

in the shawl and falls down) Ah, cursed shawl.
(The door opens; Mr. and Mrs. Kriegschenmahl enter with the
Commissioner.)
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son. What a state you are
in! Has your brother fought with you?
LICIDAS: No, mother. It's Signora Zepherina who was making him
rehearse a lesson in dancing. She was Armida, he was Renaldo.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son;