Signora Fantastic | Page 5

He's ruined!
LICIDAS: I intend to follow Signora Fantastici. I intend to go to Italy
with her.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah, Heaven!

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Why what's all this, Mr. Licidas?
LICIDAS: Father, I'm too bored here. Everyone says the same thing
here, from the beginning of the year until the end. How are you? they
say to Mother. Very well, she replies. The weather's indeed cold today.
It's true but last year, about the same time it was much worse. Do you
think so, says my old cousin. I am of your opinion, replies my aunt.
And the next day it starts all over.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Behold the impertinent!
LICIDAS: Father is always telling us about the same siege. The one at
Troy didn't last as long.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Will you stop! If I--
LICIDAS: Signora Fantastici has a new idea every day. Music, pictures,
poetry fill and vary her life. Father and Mother, I really ask your
forgiveness but I intend to follow Signora Fantastici.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah! We shall know how to prevent
you. But here is your brother Rodolphe who will set you straight.
RODOLPHE: (entering) Hello Father--how's the pipe going? Hello
Mother, how are your nerves? I pity the fact you have such things. As
for me, I don't have nerves, I've got devilishly good health. And you,
brother, I find you even more jolly than usual. Would you like to enlist?
Here I am quite ready to get you into my regiment.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Do you know what he wants to enlist
in? It's a troupe of actors.
RODOLPHE: What? An actor! That's abominable. If he had such an
idea I'd run him through with my sword. I don't know much about
acting but I imagine that it's unworthy of a soldier. And I don't want to
hear it spoken of.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: That's well reasoned.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son, you see what you are
exposing us to? Now here's your brother going to pass for someone
wiser than you.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Come, come, Madame. Don't you
lament; he's going to set the lad straight. I am going to find my friend
the Commissioner. And he will make this Signora Fantastici who puts
trouble in all heads--leave.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My dear friend, don't get so
excited.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My wife, have a care of restraining
me, for By Jove, when I set myself to it, I frighten myself.
(to Rodolphe) So watch over your brother and don't let him leave here.
RODOLPHE: That's fine, papa.
(Exit Mr. and Mrs. De Kriegschenmahl)
RODOLPHE: Ah, brother mine, so you are playing pranks, too. You
who my mother was always citing to me as a model? So at the moment
it is I who am your mentor.
LICIDAS: What do you want, brother? I thought there were only two
ways of living in this world. Like my father or like my mother; like you
or like me. And I much preferred mine. But since I became acquainted
with Signora Fantastici I would really like to resemble her. Come see
her with me.
RODOLPHE: Me? Desert my post! How can you think of it? I am
remaining steady here until my father's return. And indeed I will
prevent you from leaving.
LICIDAS: Ah, my God! What a bore! Suppose I were to rehearse
during this time the verse that the Signora gave me to learn. It's the
declaration of Hippolytus. But it has to be addressed to Aricie. Fine.

My brother is precisely at my right. He's what's needed. Stay there
Rodolphe, stay there.
RODOLPHE: Surely I'm staying here. Why are you commanding me to
do what I wish?
LICIDAS: "You see before you a lamentable prince."
RODOLPHE: Why's he saying "lamentable?" Isn't that the same thing
as pitiful? Why are you saying that about yourself? That's very modest.
LICIDAS: "My bow, my javelins, my chariot all importune me And my
idle horses.--"
RODOLPHE: What? What chariot, what horses are you talking about?
You always go by foot.
LICIDAS: Leave me alone; it's in my part. Shut up!
RODOLPHE: And what does the princess say to your love?
LICIDAS: Ah! Do you want me to teach you the reply? That would be
charming. You will say to me the word of reclama.
RODOLPHE: The word of reclama! What the devil sort of statement is
that? Isn't it rather the pass word you mean? Every day, I say it to the
patrol.-- Who's this little girl who's coming towards us? She's dressed
funny, but she's pretty. On my oath, she's pretty!
LICIDAS: It's the charming daughter of Signora Fantastici, Miss
Zepherina. They will have pity on my captivity.
ZEPHERINA: (entering) Hello, Licidas.
LICIDAS: Hello, Zepherina. Where is Signora Fantastici?
ZEPHERINA: She's going to