Signora Fantastic | Page 4

KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What do you mean, Madame de
Kriegschenmahl?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Don't be upset, Mr. de
Kriegschenmahl; I have a bounty to ask of you. For twenty-five years
we've made a party of whist every night. I'd like to try this French game
they say is so gay: Reversi. Do you consent to it, my dear husband? I
wouldn't permit myself to do it without your approval.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: I give it to you.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah, how good you are! We
could try it with our two sons.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Yes. That will be a family match.
That's always a pleasure. But haven't you noticed that for some time
your cherished son, the one you named Licidas, is 24 years old? On
account of this English novel you haven't had time to finish. Well!
Licidas de Kriegschenmahl is very rarely at home. Where's this
leading?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Licidas is too well brought up
for me to suspect his conduct. I'm sure he's busy with the new
agricultural course which has just started up. He loves the country,
solitude; he's modest and timid. Not the same as your Corporal
Rodolphe. Truly, as for me, his mother, he frightens me when he talks.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: He's a man of sense, my younger son
is. He doesn't have the complexion of roses and lillies like your Licidas.
He isn't made for domestic life like you and your son; but he's
reasonable and I'll go so far as to bet that your Licidas will commit
more stupidities than Rodolphe.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Stupidities! What do you mean?
My son, who's never left my home and who's decided never to leave us,
while Rodolphe spends his life, will I dare say it? in the guard room.
Yes, I blush when I think of it.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: And where would you have him be?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Around his mother, sir.
Around his mother.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Do you imagine so? But here's
Licidas.--What's wrong with him today?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: His hair is all undone. He
staggers as he walks. My God! Could some misfortune have happened
to him?

MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: This son, so modest, so timid: would
he be drunk somewhere?
LICIDAS: (entering, reciting from the role of Hippolytus) Friends,
what say you? You who've known my heart since my birth. Can you
ask me the sentiments of a heart so proud, so disdainful?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What's happened to you my
son? How bold your looks are. You make me lower my eyes.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son. Have you lost your good
senses?
LICIDAS: Mother, Father, pardon. But you don't know how beautiful
the part is that I was just rehearsing; you don't know the Signora
Fantastici and her charming daughter Zepherina. How I pity you!
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son, what are you saying to us?
These are names I've never heard mentioned and yet I wandered about
the country when I was young.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My son, I fear the people of
whom you are speaking are not of a society suitable to a well brought
up young man.
LICIDAS: Mother, they are two charming Italians, mother and
daughter. They arrived a few days ago, and I've never been so amused
until I became acquainted with them.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What are you saying, Licidas?
Amused! Is their company worth that of your aunt Ehrenschwand to
whose home we go every Monday?
LICIDAS: A thousand times better, mother.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Better than the Tuesday soirees
at your cousin Cunegonde's?
LICIDAS: Even better.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Is it credible?
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: You will never persuade me that it's
more amusing at her place than at this club where we smoke by day
sometimes three, sometimes six, sometime nine pipes?
LICIDAS: Yes, father.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: And what's done there?
LICIDAS: They're putting on a play there.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah! My God! That's ruinous.
A young man of 24 acting in a play.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: It's fine for a woman to act in a play;
but a man must make war, always war.
LICIDAS: But father--when we are at peace?
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: That makes no difference.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: I would be very upset if you
were making war. That's much too rough for my darling son. But act in
a play! Truly, that makes me shudder! Never would my mother or my
grand-mother have imagined such a thing.
LICIDAS: If you were to see Signora Fantastici she would please you.
She's so animated, so lively! She recites verses, she sings. Her daughter
does the same thing. And as for me, I already know the responses;
they've taught me to declaim the way they do.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Ah, my God!