Signora Fantastic | Page 3

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SIGNORA FANTASTICI (A DRAMATIC PROVERB)
BY MADAME DE STAEL (1811)
Translated and adapted by F. J. Morlock

CHARACTERS: Mr. De Kriegschenmahl, former Swiss officer Mrs.
De Kriegschenmahl, his wife Licidas Rodolphe Signora Fantastici
Zepherina, her daughter A Commissioner who stutters

The action takes place in a town in the German parts of Switzerland.

NOTE: MR. de Kriegschenmahl and Rodolphe are played with a
German accent. Madame de Kriegschenmahl has an English accent.

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My friend, if you could stop
smoking that pipe you would please me greatly, in truth, greatly. It
spoils the odor of the tea. The smoke soils my white dress. In truth, it's
quite disagreeable.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What do you want, my wife? Each
country has its customs. In England you drink warm water all day. It's
tasteless, it's insipid! The pipe is more military; it reminds me of my
youth. I've been married to you for twenty-five years, Madame de
Kriegschenmahl. Can't you get used to me?

MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: For twenty five years your
customs have revolted me.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: For twenty-five yeas your prudery has
annoyed me.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: That's really polite.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: It's quite complaisant.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: When you were in love with
me--
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: When you wanted to marry me--
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: I was greatly trifled with.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: I was indeed less annoyed.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: We are still happy together.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Yes, quite happy.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: But sometimes, I should like--
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: Something else.
MR. DE