School For Scandal | Page 7

to be moral, and forget
that you are among Friends.
SURFACE. Egad, that's true--I'll keep that sentiment till I see Sir Peter.
However it is certainly a charity to rescue Maria from such a Libertine
who--if He is to be reclaim'd, can be so only by a Person of your
Ladyship's superior accomplishments and understanding.
VERJUICE. 'Twould be a Hazardous experiment.
SURFACE. But--Madam--let me caution you to place no more
confidence in our Friend Snake the Libeller--I have lately detected him
in frequent conference with old Rowland [Rowley] who was formerly
my Father's Steward and has never been a friend of mine.
LADY SNEERWELL. I'm not disappointed in Snake, I never
suspected the fellow to have virtue enough to be faithful even to his
own Villany.
Enter MARIA
Maria my dear--how do you do--what's the matter?
MARIA. O here is that disagreeable lover of mine, Sir Benjamin
Backbite, has just call'd at my guardian's with his odious
Uncle
Crabtree--so I slipt out and ran hither to avoid them.

LADY SNEERWELL. Is that all?
VERJUICE. Lady Sneerwell--I'll go and write the Letter I mention'd to
you.
SURFACE. If my Brother Charles had been of the Party, madam,
perhaps you would not have been so much alarmed.
LADY SNEERWELL. Nay now--you are severe for I dare swear the
Truth of the matter is Maria heard YOU were here--but my dear--what
has Sir Benjamin done that you should avoid him so----
MARIA. Oh He has done nothing--but his conversation is a perpetual
Libel on all his Acquaintance.
SURFACE. Aye and the worst of it is there is no advantage in not
knowing Them, for He'll abuse a stranger just as soon as his best
Friend--and Crabtree is as bad.
LADY SNEERWELL. Nay but we should make allowance[--]Sir
Benjamin is a wit and a poet.
MARIA. For my Part--I own madam--wit loses its respect with me,
when I see it in company with malice.--What do you think,
Mr.
Surface?
SURFACE. Certainly, Madam, to smile at the jest which plants a Thorn
on another's Breast is to become a principal in the mischief.
LADY SNEERWELL. Pshaw--there's no possibility of being witty
without a little [ill] nature--the malice of a good thing
is the Barb that
makes it stick.--What's your opinion, Mr. Surface?
SURFACE. Certainly madam--that conversation where the Spirit of
Raillery is suppressed will ever appear tedious and insipid--
MARIA. Well I'll not debate how far Scandal may be allowable-- but in
a man I am sure it is always contemtable.--We have Pride, envy,

Rivalship, and a Thousand motives to depreciate each other-- but the
male-slanderer must have the cowardice of a woman before He can
traduce one.
LADY SNEERWELL. I wish my Cousin Verjuice hadn't left us--she
should embrace you.
SURFACE. Ah! she's an old maid and is privileged of course.
Enter SERVANT
Madam Mrs. Candour is below and if your Ladyship's at leisure will
leave her carriage.
LADY SNEERWELL. Beg her to walk in. Now, Maria[,] however here
is a Character to your Taste, for tho' Mrs. Candour is a little talkative
everybody allows her to be the best-natured and best sort of woman.
MARIA. Yes with a very gross affectation of good Nature and
Benevolence--she does more mischief than the Direct malice of old
Crabtree.
SURFACE. Efaith 'tis very true Lady Sneerwell--Whenever I hear the
current running again the characters of my Friends, I never think them
in such Danger as when Candour undertakes their Defence.
LADY SNEERWELL. Hush here she is----
Enter MRS. CANDOUR
MRS. CANDOUR. My dear Lady Sneerwell how have you been this
Century. I have never seen you tho' I have heard of you very often.--
Mr. Surface--the World says scandalous things of you--but indeed it is
no matter what the world says, for I think one hears nothing else but
scandal.
SURFACE. Just so, indeed, Ma'am.
MRS. CANDOUR. Ah Maria Child--what[!] is the whole affair off

between you and Charles? His extravagance; I presume--The Town
talks of nothing else----
MARIA. I am very sorry, Ma'am, the Town has so little to do.
MRS. CANDOUR. True, true, Child; but there's no stopping people's
Tongues. I own I was hurt to hear it--as I indeed was to learn from the
same quarter that your guardian, Sir Peter[,] and Lady Teazle have not
agreed lately so well as could be wish'd.
MARIA. 'Tis strangely impertinent for people to busy themselves so.
MRS. CANDOUR. Very true, Child; but what's to be done? People will
talk--there's no preventing it.--why it was but yesterday I was told that
Miss Gadabout had eloped with Sir Filagree Flirt. But, Lord! there is no
minding what one hears; tho' to be sure I had this from very good
authority.
MARIA. Such reports are highly scandalous.
MRS. CANDOUR. So they are Child--shameful! shameful! but the
world is so censorious no character escapes. Lord,