School For Scandal | Page 8

now! who would
have suspected your friend, Miss Prim, of an indiscretion Yet such is
the ill-nature of people, that they say her unkle stopped her last week
just as she was stepping into a Postchaise with her Dancing-master.
MARIA. I'll answer for't there are no grounds for the Report.
MRS. CANDOUR. Oh, no foundation in the world I dare swear[;] no
more probably than for the story circulated last month,
of Mrs.
Festino's affair with Colonel Cassino--tho' to be sure that matter was
never rightly clear'd up.
SURFACE. The license of invention some people take is monstrous
indeed.
MARIA. 'Tis so but in my opinion, those who report such things are
equally culpable.

MRS. CANDOUR. To be sure they are[;] Tale Bearers are as bad as the
Tale makers--'tis an old observation and a very true one--but what's to
be done as I said before--how will you prevent People from
talking--to-day, Mrs. Clackitt assured me, Mr. and Mrs. Honeymoon
were at last become mere man and wife--like [the rest of their]
acquaintance--she likewise hinted that a certain widow in the next
street had got rid of her Dropsy and recovered her shape in a most
surprising manner--at the same [time] Miss Tattle, who was by affirm'd,
that Lord Boffalo had discover'd his Lady at a house of no
extraordinary Fame--and that Sir Harry Bouquet and Tom Saunter were
to measure swords on a similar Provocation. but--Lord! do you think I
would report these Things--No, no[!] Tale Bearers as I said before are
just as bad as the talemakers.
SURFACE. Ah! Mrs. Candour, if everybody had your Forbearance and
good nature--
MRS. CANDOUR. I confess Mr. Surface I cannot bear to hear People
traduced behind their Backs[;] and when ugly circumstances come out
against our acquaintances I own I always love to think the best--by the
bye I hope 'tis not true that your Brother is absolutely ruin'd--
SURFACE. I am afraid his circumstances are very bad indeed, Ma'am--
MRS. CANDOUR. Ah! I heard so--but you must tell him to keep up
his Spirits--everybody almost is in the same way--Lord Spindle, Sir
Thomas Splint, Captain Quinze, and Mr. Nickit--all up, I hear, within
this week; so, if Charles is undone, He'll find half his Acquaintance
ruin'd too, and that, you know, is a consolation--
SURFACE. Doubtless, Ma'am--a very great one.
Enter SERVANT
SERVANT. Mr. Crabtree and Sir Benjamin Backbite.
LADY SNEERWELL. Soh! Maria, you see your lover pursues you--
Positively you shan't escape.

Enter CRABTREE and SIR BENJAMIN BACKBITE
CRABTREE. Lady Sneerwell, I kiss your hand. Mrs. Candour I don't
believe you are acquainted with my Nephew Sir Benjamin Backbite--
Egad, Ma'am, He has a pretty wit--and is a pretty Poet too isn't He Lady
Sneerwell?
SIR BENJAMIN. O fie, Uncle!
CRABTREE. Nay egad it's true--I back him at a Rebus or a Charade
against the best Rhymer in the Kingdom--has your Ladyship heard the
Epigram he wrote last week on Lady Frizzle's Feather catching
Fire--Do Benjamin repeat it--or the Charade you made last Night
extempore at Mrs. Drowzie's conversazione--Come now your first is
the Name of a Fish, your second a great naval commander--and
SIR BENJAMIN. Dear Uncle--now--prithee----
CRABTREE. Efaith, Ma'am--'twould surprise you to hear how ready
he is at all these Things.
LADY SNEERWELL. I wonder Sir Benjamin you never publish
anything.
SIR BENJAMIN. To say truth, Ma'am, 'tis very vulgar to Print and as
my little Productions are mostly Satires and Lampoons I find they
circulate more by giving copies in confidence to the Friends of the
Parties--however I have some love-Elegies, which, when favoured with
this lady's smile I mean to give to the Public. [Pointing to MARIA.]
CRABTREE. 'Fore Heaven, ma'am, they'll immortalize you--you'll be
handed down to Posterity, like Petrarch's Laura, or Waller's Sacharissa.
SIR BENJAMIN. Yes Madam I think you will like them--when you
shall see in a beautiful Quarto Page how a neat rivulet of Text shall
meander thro' a meadow of margin--'fore Gad, they will be the most
elegant Things of their kind--

CRABTREE. But Ladies, have you heard the news?
MRS. CANDOUR. What, Sir, do you mean the Report of----
CRABTREE. No ma'am that's not it.--Miss Nicely is going to be
married to her own Footman.
MRS. CANDOUR. Impossible!
CRABTREE. Ask Sir Benjamin.
SIR BENJAMIN. 'Tis very true, Ma'am--everything is fixed and the
wedding Livery bespoke.
CRABTREE. Yes and they say there were pressing reasons for't.
MRS. CANDOUR. It cannot be--and I wonder any one should believe
such a story of so prudent a Lady as Miss Nicely.
SIR BENJAMIN. O Lud! ma'am, that's the very reason 'twas believed
at once. She has always been so cautious and so reserved, that
everybody was sure there was some reason for it at bottom.
LADY SNEERWELL. Yes a Tale of Scandal is as fatal to the