School For Scandal | Page 6

I have since known no Pleasure equal to the reducing
others to the Level of my own injured Reputation.
VERJUICE. Nothing can be more natural--But my dear Lady
Sneerwell There is one affair in which you have lately employed me,
wherein, I confess I am at a Loss to guess your motives.
LADY SNEERWELL. I conceive you mean with respect to my
neighbour, Sir Peter Teazle, and his Family--Lappet.--And has my
conduct in this matter really appeared to you so mysterious?
[Exit MAID.]
VERJUICE. Entirely so.
LADY SNEERWELL. [VERJUICE.?] An old Batchelor as Sir Peter
was[,] having taken a young wife from out of the Country--as Lady
Teazle is--are certainly fair subjects for a little mischievous raillery--
but here are two young men--to whom Sir Peter has acted as a kind of
Guardian since their Father's death, the eldest possessing the most
amiable Character and universally well spoken of[,] the youngest the
most dissipated and extravagant young Fellow in the Kingdom, without
Friends or caracter--the former one an avowed admirer of yours and
apparently your Favourite[,] the latter attached to Maria Sir Peter's

ward--and confessedly beloved by her. Now on the face of these
circumstances it is utterly unaccountable to me why you a young
Widow with no great jointure--should not close with the passion of a
man of such character and expectations as Mr. Surface--and more so
why you should be so uncommonly earnest to destroy the mutual
Attachment subsisting between his Brother Charles and Maria.
LADY SNEERWELL. Then at once to unravel this mistery--I must
inform you that Love has no share whatever in the intercourse between
Mr. Surface and me.
VERJUICE. No!
LADY SNEERWELL. His real attachment is to Maria or her Fortune--
but finding in his Brother a favoured Rival, He has been obliged to
mask his Pretensions--and profit by my Assistance.
VERJUICE. Yet still I am more puzzled why you should interest
yourself in his success.
LADY SNEERWELL. Heavens! how dull you are! cannot you surmise
the weakness which I hitherto, thro' shame have concealed even from
you--must I confess that Charles--that Libertine, that extravagant, that
Bankrupt in Fortune and Reputation--that He it is for whom I am thus
anxious and malicious and to gain whom I would
sacrifice--everything----
VERJUICE. Now indeed--your conduct appears consistent and I no
longer wonder at your enmity to Maria, but how came you and Surface
so confidential?
LADY SNEERWELL. For our mutual interest--but I have found out
him a long time since[,] altho' He has contrived to deceive everybody
beside--I know him to be artful selfish and malicious-- while with Sir
Peter, and indeed with all his acquaintance, He passes for a youthful
Miracle of Prudence--good sense
and Benevolence.
VERJUICE. Yes yes--I know Sir Peter vows He has not his equal in

England; and, above all, He praises him as a MAN OF SENTIMENT.
LADY SNEERWELL. True and with the assistance of his sentiments
and hypocrisy he has brought Sir Peter entirely in his interests with
respect to Maria and is now I believe attempting to flatter Lady Teazle
into the same good opinion towards him--while poor Charles has no
Friend in the House--though I fear he has a powerful one in Maria's
Heart, against whom we must direct our schemes.
SERVANT. Mr. Surface.
LADY SNEERWELL. Shew him up. He generally calls about this
Time. I don't wonder at People's giving him to me for a Lover.
Enter SURFACE
SURFACE. My dear Lady Sneerwell, how do you do to-day--your
most obedient.
LADY SNEERWELL. Miss Verjuice has just been arraigning me on
our mutual attachment now; but I have informed her of our real views
and the Purposes for which our Geniuses at present co-operate. You
know how useful she has been to us--and believe me the confidence is
not ill-placed.
SURFACE. Madam, it is impossible for me to suspect that a Lady of
Miss Verjuice's sensibility and discernment----
LADY SNEERWELL. Well--well--no compliments now--but tell me
when you saw your mistress or what is more material to me your
Brother.
SURFACE. I have not seen either since I saw you--but I can inform
you that they are at present at Variance--some of your stories have
taken good effect on Maria.
LADY SNEERWELL. Ah! my dear Verjuice the merit of this belongs
to you. But do your Brother's Distresses encrease?

SURFACE. Every hour. I am told He had another execution in his
house yesterday--in short his Dissipation and extravagance exceed
anything I have ever heard of.
LADY SNEERWELL. Poor Charles!
SURFACE. True Madam--notwithstanding his Vices one can't help
feeling for him--ah poor Charles! I'm sure I wish it was in my Power to
be of any essential Service to him--for the man who does not share in
the Distresses of a Brother--even though merited by his own
misconduct--deserves----
LADY SNEERWELL. O Lud you are going