Routledges Manual of Etiquette | Page 3

will compensate for the time or
money which it costs to entertain her. If the stranger is in any way unsuitable in habits or
temperament, you inflict an annoyance on your friend instead of a pleasure. In questions
of introduction never oblige one friend to the discomfort of another.
Those to whom letters of introduction have been given, should send them to the person to
whom they are addressed, and enclose a card. Never deliver a letter of introduction in
person. It places you in the most undignified position imaginable, and compels you to
wait while it is being read, like a servant who has been told to wait for an answer. There
is also another reason why you should not be yourself the bearer of your introduction; i.e.,
you compel the other person to receive you, whether she chooses or not. It may be that
she is sufficiently ill-bred to take no notice of the letter when sent, and in such case, if
you presented yourself with it, she would most probably receive you with rudeness. It is,
at all events, more polite on your part to give her the option, and, perhaps, more pleasant.
If the receiver of the letter be a really well-bred person, she will call upon you or leave
her card the next day, and you should return her attentions within the week.
If, on the other hand, a stranger sends you a letter of introduction and her card, you are
bound by the laws of politeness and hospitality, not only to call upon her the next day,

but to follow up that attention with others. If you are in a position to do so, the most
correct proceeding is to invite her to dine with you. Should this not be within your power,
you can probably escort her to some of the exhibitions, bazaars, or concerts of the season;
any of which would be interesting to a foreigner or provincial visitor. In short, etiquette
demands that you shall exert yourself to show kindness to the stranger, if only out of
compliment to the friend who introduced her to you.
If you invite her to dine with you, it is a better compliment to ask some others to meet her
than to dine with her _tête-à-tête_. You are thereby giving her an opportunity of making
other acquaintances, and are assisting your friend in still farther promoting the purpose
for which she gave her the introduction to yourself.
Be careful at the same time only to ask such persons as she will feel are at least her own
social equals.
A letter of introduction should be given unsealed, not alone because your friend may
wish to know what you have said of her, but also as a guarantee of your own good faith.
As you should never give such a letter unless you can speak highly of the bearer, this rule
of etiquette is easy to observe. By requesting your friend to fasten the envelope before
forwarding the letter to its destination, you tacitly give her permission to inspect its
contents.
Let your note-paper be of the best quality and the proper size. Albert or Queen's size is
the best for these purposes.
It has been well said that "attention to the punctilios of politeness is a proof at once of
self-respect, and of respect for your friend." Though irksome at first, these trifles soon
cease to be matters for memory, and become things of mere habit. To the thoroughly
well-bred they are a second nature. Let no one neglect them who is desirous of pleasing
in society; and, above all, let no one deem them unworthy of attention. They are precisely
the trifles which do most to make social intercourse agreeable, and a knowledge of which
distinguishes the gentlewoman from the parvenue.
* * * * *
III.--VISITING.--MORNING CALLS.--CARDS.
A morning visit should be paid between the hours of two and four p.m., in winter, and
two and five in summer. By observing this rule you avoid intruding before the luncheon
is removed, and leave in sufficient time to allow the lady of the house an hour or two of
leisure for her dinner toilette.
Be careful always to avoid luncheon hours when you pay morning visits. Some ladies
dine with their children at half-past one, and are consequently unprepared for the early
reception of visitors. When you have once ascertained this to be the case, be careful never
again to intrude at the same hour.
A good memory for these trifles is one of the hall-marks of good breeding.
Visits of ceremony should be short. If even the conversation should have become
animated, beware of letting your call exceed half-an-hour's length. It is always better to
let your friends regret than desire your withdrawal.
On