Routledges Manual of Etiquette | Page 2

chivalry of etiquette assumes that the lady is invariably the superior in right of her sex,
and that the gentleman is honoured in the introduction. This rule is to be observed even
when the social rank of the gentleman is higher than that of the lady.
Where the sexes are the same, always present the inferior to the superior.
Never present a gentleman to a lady without first asking her permission to do so.
When you are introduced to a gentleman, never offer your hand. When introduced,
persons limit their recognition of each other to a bow. On the Continent, ladies never
shake hands with gentlemen unless under circumstances of great intimacy.
Never introduce morning visitors who happen to encounter each other in your
drawing-room, unless they are persons whom you have already obtained permission to
make known to each other. Visitors thus casually meeting in the house of a friend should
converse with ease and freedom, as if they were acquainted. That they are both friends of
the hostess is a sufficient guarantee of their respectability. To be silent and stiff on such
an occasion would show much-ignorance and ill-breeding.
Persons who have met at the house of a mutual friend, without being introduced, should
not bow if they afterwards meet elsewhere. A bow implies acquaintance; and persons
who have not been introduced are not acquainted.
If you are walking with one friend, and presently meet with, or are joined by, a third, do
not commit the too frequent error of introducing them to each other. You have even less
right to do so than if they encountered each other at your house during a morning call.
There are some exceptions to the etiquette of introductions. At a ball, or evening party
where there is dancing, the mistress of the house may introduce any gentleman to any
lady without first asking the lady's permission. But she should first ascertain whether the
lady is willing to dance; and this out of consideration for the gentleman, who may
otherwise be refused. No man likes to be refused the hand of a lady, though it be only for
a quadrille.
A sister may present her brother, or a mother her son, without any kind of preliminary;
but only when there is no inferiority on the part of her own family to that of the

acquaintance.
Friends may introduce friends at the house of a mutual acquaintance; but, as a rule, it is
better to be introduced by the mistress of the house. Such an introduction carries more
authority with it.
Introductions at evening parties are now almost wholly dispensed with. Persons who
meet at a friend's house are ostensibly upon an equality, and pay a bad compliment to the
host by appearing suspicious and formal. Some old-fashioned country hosts yet persevere
in introducing each new comer to all the assembled guests. It is a custom that cannot be
too soon abolished, and one that places the last unfortunate visitor in a singularly
awkward position. All that she can do is to make a semicircular courtesy, like a concert
singer before an audience, and bear the general gaze with as much composure as possible.
If, when you enter a drawing-room, your name has been wrongly announced, or has
passed unheard in the buzz of conversation, make your way at once to the mistress of the
house, if you are a stranger, and introduce yourself by name. This should be done with
the greatest simplicity, and your rank made as little of as possible.
An introduction given at a ball for the mere purpose of conducting a lady through a dance
does not give the gentleman any right to bow to her on a future occasion. If he commits
this error, she may remember that she is not bound to see, or return, his salutation.
* * * * *
II.--LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION.
Do not lightly give or promise letters of introduction. Always remember that when you
give a letter of introduction you lay yourself under an obligation to the friend to whom it
is addressed. If she lives in a great city, such as Paris or London, you in a measure
compel her to undergo the penalty of escorting the stranger to some of those places of
public entertainment in which the capital abounds. If your friend be a married lady, and
the mistress of a house, you put her to the expense of inviting the stranger to her table.
We cannot be too cautious how we tax the time and purse of a friend, or weigh too
seriously the question of mutual advantage in the introduction. Always ask yourself
whether the person introduced will be an acceptable acquaintance to the one to whom you
present her; and whether the pleasure of knowing her