Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 3

that he is unable to let go--which
concludes the entertainment._
Spectators (_departing_). She may have 'ad one o' them galvanic belts
on for all you can tell. But, mind yer, there's a lot in it, all the same.
Look at the way he brought smoke out o' them clays!
_The C.C._ (to his Friend.) That was a lark, JIM! But look 'ere--don't
you go tellin' the Missus; she ain't on the Me'atmer lay--not _much_,
she ain't!
* * * * *
[Illustration: HONOURS EASY.
_Sir E.L._ (_gaily_). "BARONETTED? OF COURSE, MY
BOY--RIGHT THING TO DO! THANKS. TA-TA!" [_Careers away,
to keep up his circulation._
_Mr. P._ "AND _YOU_, MR. LABBY?"
_H.L._ (_languidly_). "OH--AH--AS FOR _ME_--I'M OUT OF
IT--THAT'S THE TRUTH."]
* * * * *
WOT CHER, LABBY?
["Mr. LABOUCHERE, so he says, has come to London to enjoy the

smiles of the new Ministry."--Morning Paper.]
Enjoy them, dear LABBY, smile back, if you can-- Though your lip
has a curl that portends something sinister-- It is painful, I take it, to
flash in the pan, While a rival goes off with a bang as a Minister.
But you (you're a cynic, that's one of the ways, And by no means the
worst, to get credit for kindness), You can smile at this struggle for
titles and praise, You can laugh at your friends while you envy their
blindness.
A time, so I fancy you saying, will come; They are not done with
LABBY, for all their sweet smiling; And they're vastly mistaken who
think he'll be dumb, Or abandon his amiable habit of riling.
* * * * *
"GREAT SCOTT!"--_Mr. Punch's_ congratulations to the new Bart. of
Scott's Bank, Cavendish Square, with the classic name of HORACE.
His friends will be able to adapt MACAULAY's lines, and tell--
"How well HORATIUS kept the Bank, In the brave days of old."
Of course, be it understood that "keeping the Bank" has nothing
whatever to do with Monte Carlo, or with any game of speculation.
_Ad multos annos!_ And to adapt again--
"On HORACE's head Honours accumulate!"
* * * * *
BALFOUR AND SALISBURY.--The late Government couldn't help
having a good dash of spirit in it, seeing it was a "B. and S." mixture.
Now, "B. and S."--off! Vide _Mr. Punch's_ Cartoon this week.
* * * * *
[Illustration: NEVER SATISFIED.

_Grumpy Husband._ "HOW BADLY INFORMED NEWSPAPERS
ARE! WHY, HERE THEY SAY, 'SIR THOMAS GRIMSBY
ENTERTAINED US AND A NUMBER OF OTHERS AT DINNER
LAST NIGHT!' ENTERTAINED! WHY, I NEVER WAS SO BORED
IN MY LIFE!"]
* * * * *
IN OFFICE WITH THE LABOUR VOTE.
(_HOW TO DEAL WITH AN AWKWARD MATTER, ACCORDING
TO PRECEDENT._)
SCENE--_A Smoking-Room and Lounge. Eminent Statesman
discovered filling a pipe. Private Secretary in attendance._
_Em. S._ Now I think all's ready to begin. Mind, my lad, and have the
tea and decanters in readiness when I ring for them. Enough chairs?
_Pri. Sec._ Only half-a-dozen expected, Sir; so I thought if I got six
that would be enough.
_Em. S._ Quite so. And now, my dear fellow, show in the Deputation.
[_Private Secretary opens door, when enter several Workmen in their
Sunday best, headed by Fussy M.P._
_Fussy M.P._ (_with effusion_). My dear Sir, this is a great pleasure. I
hope I see you well. (_Shakes the hand of Eminent Statesman with
profuse cordiality._) And now, if you will allow me, I will introduce
these Delegates. It would have pleased them better if they could have
had an Autumn Session, but they are quite prepared to be satisfied with
an interview, as it is in the Recess. (_Speaking in the soft tones of the
House at Westminster._) Sir! My Right Hon. Friend! It is my privilege
as well as my duty--a most pleasant one--to introduce what I may aptly
declare to be the most representative body of men it has ever been my
good fortune to meet. I, my dear Sir--

_Em. S._ (_interrupting_). Thank you very much, but I fancy we can
get on better by talking it over quietly. It's very hot, so if you don't
mind, I will take off my coat and sit in my shirt-sleeves.
[Illustration]
[_Removes his coat._
_Fussy. M.P._ (_taken aback_). My dear Sir!
Members of the Deputation. Thankee, Sir! We'll follow suit.
[_They remove their coats._
_Em. S._ Now you would like to smoke? Well, my Private Secretary
will hand round cigars, cigarettes, and tobacco. Don't be shy, Consider
my house Liberty Hall. Well, tell me--what's it all about?
_First Mem. of Dep._ (_pointing to Fussy M.P._) Why he said as how
he would do all the speaking.
_Em. S._ Very likely, and do it (_bowing to him_) very well. But I
would far rather that you should speak for yourselves. Come let us
meet as