Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 2

is a
deception, and I produce the smoke from my throat in some manner,
will you kindly try my esoteric tobacco, Sir? (_To a bystander, who,

not without obvious misgivings, takes a few whiffs and produces
smoke, as well as a marked impression upon the most sceptical
spectators._) Having thus proved to you the existence of a Spirit World,
allow me to inform you that this is nothing to the marvels to be seen
inside for the small sum of twopence, where I shall have the honour of
introducing to you Mlle. SCINTILLA, who is not only the most
extraordinary Scientific Wonder of the World, but also the loveliest
woman now living!
_The C.C._ 'Ere, _I'm_ comin' in, I am. I'm on to this. Where's my
friend? he'll pay for me. He promised to take care o' me, and I can't
trust myself anywhere without 'im.
[_He enters the Show, followed by the Tall Nonentity, and the bulk of
the bystanders, who feel that the veil is about to be lifted, and that
twopence is not an exorbitant fee for initiation. Inside is a low Stage,
with a roughly painted Scene, and a kind of small Cabinet, the interior
of which is visible and vacant; behind the barrier which, separates the
Stage from the Audience stands Mlle. SCINTILLA, a young lady in a
crimson silk blouse and a dark skirt, who if not precisely a Modern
Helen, is distinctly attractive and reassuringly material._
_The C.C._ Oh, I say, if this is a Mahatma, I like 'em!
[_The Sibyl receives this tribute with a smile._
_The Sp. G._ (_appearing on the Stage as Showman_). Now, Ladies
and Gentlemen! (_There is one Lady present, who stands at the side, by
way of indicating that she declines to give the proceedings any moral
support whatever._) You all know that Adepts have the power of
disintegrating material objects and re-integrating them when they
please. I have here a hollow mask. (_He exhibits a Pantomime demon
head._) I place it upon the roof of this cabinet, which as you perceive is
empty. I raise it--and underneath you will see materialised a wonderful
young lady who consists of a head and nothing else. (_He discovers the
head of a very human young person with short curly hair._) Now those
of you who are unmarried would find this young lady an admirable
wife for a man of small income, for, having no body, she will cost him

nothing whatever for her food or frocks.
_The C.C._ (_with a touch of cynicism_). She'd make it up in 'ats and
bonnets, though; trust _'er_!
The Showman. She is extremely sweet-tempered; and, when she
observes a number of good-looking gentlemen in the front row, as there
are to-night, she will smile affectionately at them.
[_The Head gives a very practical confirmation of this assertion, and
the Lady in the corner sniffs with strong disapproval._
_The C.C._ 'Ere, I say--where's my friend? I want to take my 'ook out o'
this--the young Lady's 'ed is a smilin' at me, and it ain't good enough,
yer know--she's left too much of herself at 'ome to suit _me_!
The Showman (_after extinguishing the Head, which is giggling
helplessly, in the Mask_). Now this other, young Lady, Mlle.
SCINTILLA, known to her friends as "SPARKS," is equally wonderful
in her way. It may surprise you when I inform you--(_here he puts his
arm affectionately round the Sibyl's neck_)--that, beautiful as she is,
she has never been kissed in her whole life!
_The C.C._ (_with chivalrous indignation_). What? Ere, if _that's_
all!--
[_He intimates, in pantomime, his perfect readiness to repair this
omission at once._
The Showman. This is owing to the fact that she is impregnated with
electricity to such an extraordinary degree, that any contact with her
lips will produce a shock which would probably prove fatal!
_The C.C._ Oh, where is that friend o' mine? (To the Sibyl.) I come out
without my lightnin' conductor this evenin', Miss; but I've got a friend
somewhere in 'ere as 'll be 'appy to represent me.
[_The Tall Nonentity tries to efface himself, but is relieved to find that

the Sibyl does not take the offer seriously._
The Showman. As a proof that I am not speaking without foundation,
this young lady will allow you to feel her hands, when you will at once
become aware of the electric current. [_The Sibyl leans across the
barrier, and tenders a decidedly pretty palm for public pressure, but
there is the usual reluctance at first to embrace the opportunity. At
length a seeker after truth grasps the hand, and reports that he "can feel
a somethink," whereupon his example is followed by the others,
including the_ C.C., _who, finding the sensation agreeable, pretends to
be electrified to such an extent