Punch, or The London Charivari | Page 4

old friends. Now--what do you want?
_Second Mem. of Dep._ Why, Sir, if you put it in that pleasant way, I
may say, payment for hours of labour put in by some one else.
_Em. S._ Yes, very good. Capital notion. But how are you to manage
it?
_Third Mem. of Dep._ (_roughly_). That's your business, and not ours.
We tell you what we want, and you have to carry out our wishes.
_Em. S._ (_smiling_). You mean the wishes of your class--your order?
_Second Mem._ Well, that's about it. We do represent them. Why we
are sent to you by over 100,000!

_Em. S._ And what is the full complement of your combined trades?
_Second Mem._ About nine millions, but that has nothing to do with it.
_Em. S._ With it! Do with what?
_First Mem. of Dep._ Why, what we require, Right Hon. Sir--what we
require!
_Em. S._ (_amiably_). And that is--?
_First Mem. of Dep._ (_triumphantly_). Oh, you must tell us that! It is
not our place, but yours--see?
_Em. S._ Not exactly. But will you not join me? (_Offers cigarettes._)
And now let us get at the heart of the question. Who is to do your work
for you?
_First Mem. of Dep._ (_puffing at the tobacco_). Don't you think that
could be done by the Government?
_Em. S._ I don't know. I am delighted to see you, because it is with
your assistance that I propose mastering the details of the matter. But
you really must help me.
_Second Mem. of Dep._ (_taken aback_). But, I say, Sir, is this quite
fair? We are accustomed to put up someone such as he (pointing to the
Fussy M.P.), and leave it to him to do all the talking.
_Em. S._ Yes, I know the old-fashioned plan; but I prefer the new. Pray
go on. How will you get your work done gratuitously?
_Fourth Mem._ Oh, come! That's putting it a little too strong! We are
not accustomed to it. What does it all mean?
_Em. S._ I think I can answer you. My good friends, until you can get
an idea of what you really want, you can do nothing--nor can I. So now,
if you have another appointment to keep, please don't let me detain you.
All I can wish you I do wish you. May you all prosper in your

undertakings. And now, farewell!
_First Mem._ Well, Sir, if you won't see us any more, good-bye!
_Em. S._ Good-bye! Mind the steps! Good-bye! [_The Deputation
leave._ Eminent Statesman _turns his attention to other matters with a
smile of satisfaction._
* * * * *
"EXCELSIOR! OR STRAIGHT UP!"--Sir DOUGLAS STRAIGHT
was knighted last week. N.B.--Would have been mentioned earlier, if
we had had the straight tip.
* * * * *
'ARRY IN VENICE.
[Illustration]
DEAR CHARLIE,--'Ow 'ops it, my 'earty? Yours truly's still stived up
in Town. Won't run to a 'oliday yet, mate. I'm longing to lay on the
brown By a blow from the briny, but, bless yer, things now is as bad as
they're made. Hinfluenzas, Helections, and cetrer, has bloomin' nigh
bunnicked up Trade.
My screw's bin cut down by a dollar; along of 'ard times, sez our bloke.
I did mean doin' It'ly this year; but sez Luck, "Oh, go 'ome and eat
coke!" Leastways, that's as I hunderstand 'er. A narsty one, Luck, and
no kid; Always gives yer the rough of 'er tongue when you're quisby, or
short of a quid.
When I 'eard about Venice in London, I thinks to myself, mate, thinks I,
'Ere's a 'oliday tour on the cheap! 'Ere's a barney as 'ARRY must try.
No Continong this year, that's certain, old man, for the likes of poor me;
But whilst I've a bob I've a chance for a boss at the Bride o' the Sea.
Them posters of IMRE KIRALFY's for gorgeousness quite takes the
cake. Friend IMRE's a spanker, you bet, and quite fly to the popular

fake. "Stupendious work," IMRE calls it, and I.K. is O.K. no doubt.
Your old Country Fair Show takes a back seat when ikey young I.K.'s
about.
Oh, the jam and the mustard, my pippin, the crimsing, the blue, and the
gold! Scissorree, CHARLIE, rainbows ain't in it, and prisums is out in
the cold. I do like a picteresk poster, as big as a bloomin' back yard,
With the colour slopped on quite regardless; if that ain't 'Igh 'Art, wy
it's 'ard.
'Owsomever I mustn't feeloserphise. Off to Olympia I 'ooks, To see
Venice the Bride of the Sea, as set forth in them sixpenny books. Bless
his twirly merstache, he's a twicer, this IMRE KIRALFY, dear boy,
And he give me a two hours' spektarkle old LEIGHTON hisself might
enjoy.
Bit puzzling the "Pageant" is,