Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 2

pass the River Crowe, in plan coloured red, by
a bridge?
Expert Witness. On the contrary, I say that if the Swashbuckler Estate,
&c., &c. [_Repeats his answer for the third time._
_Third C.-E. Q.C._ (_entering hurriedly, as his predecessor resumes his
seat_). And now, Sir, that my learned friends have asked you their
questions, I have to ask you mine. Be kind enough to say, for the
benefit of the Right Hon. Chairman and the Hon. Members of the
Committee, whether, in your opinion, in the construction of the
proposed line, where the road reaches the neighbourhood
of--(_consulting plan_)--Market Goosebury, coloured blue in the plan,
and, as you will see, runs through the--(_inspects plan
closely_)--Swashbuckler Estate--yes, the Swashbuckler Estate--and
comes, as you will see, if you refer to the chart, near
Twaddlecomb--having now sufficiently indicated the locality, I repeat,
will you be kind enough to say whether, in your opinion, the necessity
of building a bridge over the River Raven--(_is prompted by Junior_)--I
should say, over the River Crowe--could be avoided?
Chairman of Committee (_interposing_). I would suggest that, as this

question has been answered three times, the witness be excused further
examination at the hands of Counsel not present at the
examination-in-chief.
_First C.-E. Q.C._ (_warmly_). I consider this an infringement of the
privileges of the Bar. The Right Hon. Chairman must remember that it
is possible that a single reference in the examination-in-chief may only
require cross-examination on the part of the Clients whom we represent.
Besides, an expert witness's examination-in-chief is very seldom
shaken, and all we can possibly want is a note taken by a learned friend
who has acted as a Junior. All of us are occasionally wanted elsewhere.
_Second C.-E. Q.C._ (_indignantly_). Yes; and how can we attend to
our Clients' interests if we are not allowed to be in two places at once?
_Third C.-E. Q.C._ (_furiously_). You have no right to act upon an old
ruling that was never enforced. Why, such a regulation would ruin
us--and many of us have wives and children!
[_Exeunt defiantly, to return, later on, ready to brave imprisonment in
the Clock Tower, if necessary, N.B.--Up to date the Tower is
untenanted._
* * * * *
"IN THE NAME OF THE LAW--PHOTOGRAPHS!"--MR. A.
BRIEFLESS, Junr., having received a respectful invitation from some
Brook Street Photographers to favour them (without charge) with a
sitting, "to enable them to complete their series of portraits of
distinguished legal gentlemen," regrets to say that, as he has already sat
for another Firm making the same request (see _Papers from
Pump-handle Court_), he is unable to comply with their courteous
request. However, he is pleased to hear that a similar petition has been
forwarded to others of his learned friends, one of whom writes to say,
he "possesses a wig, and the right to wear it, but that there his
connection with the Law begins and ends." Mr. A. BRIEFLESS, Junr.,
wishes the industrious Firm every success in their public-spirited
undertaking.

* * * * *
GOSCHEN CUM DIG.; OR, THE (FAR FROM) DYING SWAN.
(A LONG WAY AFTER LORD TENNYSON.)
[Illustration: "WHAT I LIKE ABOUT THIS RECESS IS ITS
PERFECT QUIET!"]
"Were I to go further into detail, I should show you that the floodgates
of (financial) abuse have been opened even to a much larger extent than
I have described. We are getting into a system under which Parliament
is treated, and the country is treated, to the exhibition of fictitious
surpluses of revenue over expenditure."--_Mr. Gladstone (at Hastings)
on Mr. Goschen's Finance._
I.
The backwater was snug and fair, And the gay Canoeist cavorted there.
Thinks he, "I have built up everywhere A reputation for pluck and
stay!" Amidst the reeds the river ran; Behind them floated a Grand Old
Swan, And loudly did lament The better deeds of a better day; Ever the
gray Canoeist went on, Making his memos. as he went.
II.
"My foes are piqued, I must suppose, But cannot see their way to a
'Cry.'" (So mused the man with the Semite nose, As up the backwater
he swept.) "What I like" (said he) "in this nook so shy, Is that I am
quiet, and free as a swallow, Squaring accounts at my own sweet will.
With never a fear of the Big Swan's Bill! The Swan's as quiet as though
he slept. I fancy I've funked the fierce old fellow!"
III.
The Grand Old Swan came out of his hole, Snorting with furious joy.
Hidden by rushes he yet drew near, Behind the Canoeist, until on his
ear Those snortings fell, both full and clear. Floating about the

backwater shy, Stronger and stronger the shindy stole, Filling the
startled Canoeist with fear; And the jubilant jobating voice, With
menaces meaning and manifold, Flowed forth