Punch, Or The London Charivari | Page 3

on a "snorter" clear and
bold (As when a party-procession rejoice With drums, and trumpets,
and with banners of gold), Until the Canoeist's blood ran cold, And
over his paddle he crouched and rolled; And he wished himself from
that nook afar (If it were but reading the evening star): And the Swan
he ruffled his plumes and hissed, And with sounding buffets, which
seldom missed, He walloped into that paddler gay (Bent on enjoying
his holiday). He smote him here, and he spanked him there, Upset his
"balance," rumpled his hair. "I'll teach you," he cried, with pounding
pinions, "To come intruding in my dominions!" And the frightened
flags, and the startled reeds, And the willow-branches hoar and dank,
And the shaking rushes and wobbling weeds, And the wave-worn horns
of the echoing bank, And the Grand Old Swan's admiring throng (Who
yelled at seeing him going so strong) Were flooded and fluttered by
that Stentor song!
* * * * *
THE PROPOSED OLD ETONIAN BANQUET.--"_Floreat Etona!_"
by all means, and may "HENRY's holy shade" never be less! But
doesn't it seem rather like a contradiction in terms, for Old Etonians to
sit down to an Eaten Dinner?--Yours, once removed,
A SIXTH-FORMOSUS PUER.
* * * * *
[Illustration: FORM!
"GOOD HEAVENS! WHAT A SWELL! WHAT IS IT? TEA-FIGHT?
WEDDING BREAKFAST?"
"OH NO; ONLY GOING TO MY TAILOR'S. MUST BE DECENTLY
DRESSED WHEN I GO TO SEE HIM. HE'S SO BEASTLY
CRITICAL!"]

* * * * *
ABOUT THE COURT.
At the Royal Court Theatre, which, as I read on the illustrated House
Programme, is "Licensed by the London County Council to the
Proprietors, Mrs. JOHN WOOD and Mr. A. CHUDLEIGH,"--is the
LORD CHAMBERLAIN out of it in this quarter? (how can there be a
Court without a Lord Chamberlain?), and, "under which king,
Bezonian?" Was it in the days of _The Happy Land?_--but no matter.
To resume. At the aforesaid Court Theatre is now being performed an
original Farce, in Three Acts, written by Mr. R.R. LUMLEY. Ah! Ah!
LUMLEY, this isn't quite up to your other piece, _Aunt Jack._ Mrs.
JOHN WOOD is invaluable, and keeps the game alive throughout;
while ARTHUR CECIL's _Duke of Donoway_--not a Comedy Duke,
but a Duke in farcical circumstances--is excellent. WEEDON
GROSSMITH is funny, but in make-up, tone of voice, and mannerisms,
the part seems mixed up with one or two others that he has played, and
is very far from being in the same category with _Aunt Jack's_ crushed
Solicitor. BRANDON THOMAS as _Captain Roland Gurney, R.N._, is
very natural. The Office Boy of Master WILSON and the little Gridd of
Master WESTGATE (very near Birchington when the boy is in Mrs.
WOOD's hands), are capital. Miss CARLOTTA LECLERCQ's
Duchess is equal to the occasion. The two girls' parts are unnatural and
uninteresting. What ought to make the success of the piece is the scene
where WEEDON GROSSMITH volunteers to sing "The Wolf," and
everyone talks and chatters until the Babel ends in an explosion. It
convulses the house with laughter; and if this situation had been so
contrived,--as it might have been, allow me to say,--as to end the Act,
the Curtain falling on the climax, the dashing down of the enraged
musician's song and the exit of the Duke, the run of The Volcano would
have been insured from now to Christmas. Is it too late to retrieve this?
To quote the title of one of ANTHONY TROLLOPE's novels, "I say
No!" There is so much that is genuinely funny in the piece, that if the
alteration is done with a will, hic et nunc, why within a week the piece
could be fixed securely in its place for the London season, and beyond
it. Let funny little WEEDON reconsider his make-up, and come out as

the flaxen-headed M.P. of a Saxon constituency. And a word in his
ear,--SOTHERN fashioned Lord Dundreary out of a worse part than
this. The Volcano shouldn't "bust up." That's my opinion, as
A FRIEND AT COURT.
* * * * *
A SCHOOL OF CRITICISM.
From the Queen. A Correspondent writes:--
"JOURNALISM.--I want to become a Dramatic Critic; how should I
begin? I am fond of going to the theatre, but find it difficult to
remember the plot of the play afterwards. What kind of notices do
Editors prefer?--Histrionica."
Isn't it Mr. DAVID ANDERSON who has set up a flourishing School
for Journalists? Why shouldn't there be a School for Critics? The
Master would take his pupils to the Theatre regularly, and could lecture
on the Play as it proceeded. Should Managers and Actors be so blind to
the best interests of their Art as to refuse to allow the play to be stopped
from time to time to allow of the Instructor's