Perfect Behavior | Page 5

to her and touching your hat politely, you say,
in a well modulated voice, "I beg your pardon, Miss Doe, but I cannot
help noticing that you are lying prone on the sidewalk." If she is well
bred, she will not at first speak to you, as you are a perfect stranger.
This silence, however, should be your cue to once more tip your hat

and remark, "I realize, Miss Doe, that I have not had the honor of an
introduction, but you will admit that you are lying prone on the
sidewalk. Here is my card--and here is one for Mrs. Doe, your mother."
At that you should hand her two plain engraved calling cards, each
containing your name and address. If there are any other ladies in her
family--aunts, grandmothers, et cetera--it is correct to leave cards for
them also. Be sure that the cards are clean, as the name on the calling
card is generally sufficient for identification purposes without the
addition of the thumbprint.
When she has accepted your cards, she will give you one of hers, after
which it will be perfectly correct for you to assist her to rise from the
sidewalk. Do not, however, press your attentions further upon her at
this time, but after expressing the proper regret over her misfortune it
would be well to bow and retire.
{illustration caption = Every one knows that table manners betray one's
bringing-up mercilessly. The young man in the picture has good reason
to wish a meteorite would fall on him. His perpendicularity has just
been restored by a deft upward movement of Aunt Harriet's shoulder,
upon which he had inadvertently rested his head during a quiet snooze
while Cousin Edna was making her little speech at the Bridal Dinner.
PERFECT BEHAVIOR would have Pasteurized him against even
Bridal Dinners.}
{illustration caption = When a woman recognizes and nods to a man to
whom she has been formally introduced several times, or to whom she
has been married, is the man expected to accept the greeting and
politely lift his hat or should he lift both his hat and his toupee? Street
etiquette is disposed authoritatively and finally in PERFECT
BEHAVIOR.}
{illustration caption = You are, let us pretend, walking in the park. You
come upon two benches arranged as shown in the above diagram.
Would you know which bench it would be proper to sit on if you are (1)
a young man just out of college--(2) a rather homely young woman? To
avoid embarrassment look this up in PERFECT BEHAVIOR.}

{illustration caption = A jolly crowd is boarding the 4:56 for a
house-party in the suburbs. The gentleman at the right, having been
educated abroad, has never learned to play the ukelele, the banjo, the
jew's harp or the saxophone, and is, with the best intentions in the
world, attempting to contribute his share to the gaiety of the coming
evenings by bringing along his player-piano. Would you--be
honest!--have recognized his action as a serious social blunder without
having referred to PERFECT BEHAVIOR?}
{illustration caption = The young mother in the picture is traveling
from one point to another in a Pullman. In the effort to commit as great
a nuisance as possible, she has provided her child with a banana and a
hard boiled egg. Not having dipped into the chapter on travel in
PERFECT BEHAVIOR, she is ignorant of the fact that a peach would
have produced quite as much mess and far more permanent stains and a
folding cup for the water cooler would have spread the disturbance over
a wider area.}

CARDS AND FLOWERS
The next day, however, you should send flowers, enclosing another of
your cards. It might be well to write some message on the card
recalling the events of the preceding evening--nothing intimate, but
simply a reminder of your first meeting and a suggestion that you might
possibly desire to continue the acquaintanceship. Quotations from
poetry of the better sort are always appropriate; thus, on this occasion,
it might be nice to write on the card accompanying the flowers--" "This
is the forest primeval'--H. W. Longfellow," or "'Take, oh take, those
lips away'--W. Shakespeare." You will find there are hundreds of lines
equally appropriate for this and other occasions, and in this connection
it might be well to display a little originality at times by substituting
pertinent verses of your own in place of the conventional quotations.
For example--"This is the forest primeval, I regret your last evening's
upheaval," shows the young lady in question that not only are you
well-read in classic poetry, but also you have no mean talent of your
own. Too much originality, however, is dangerous, especially in polite

social intercourse, and I need hardly remind you that the floors of the
social