Perfect Behavior | Page 4

Formal Dinners in
America-Table Manners for Children--Removing Stains from Gray
Silk--A Child's Garden of Etiquette--Etiquette in the
School--Conversation at Dinner--What a New Jersey Lady Did with
Her Olive Seeds --Stewart's Lightning Calculator of Dinner Table
Conversation--"It Seems that Pat and Mike"--Balls and
Dances---Artificial Respiration--Mixed Dancing--Hints for Stags.
A Word of Warning and Encouragement
CHAPTER ONE
: THE ETIQUETTE OF COURTSHIP
A FEW WORDS ABOUT LOVE

Courtship is one of the oldest of social customs, even antedating in
some countries such long-established usages as marriage, or the
wearing of white neckties with full evening dress. The beginnings of
the etiquette of courtship were apparently connected in some way with
the custom of "love" between the sexes, and many of the old amatory
forms still survive in the modern courtship. It is generally agreed
among students of the history of etiquette that when "love" first began
to become popular among the better class of younger people they took
to it with such avidity that it was necessary to devise some sort of rules
for the conduct of formal or informal love-making. These rules,
together with various amendments, now constitute the etiquette of
courtship.
Suppose, for example, that you are a young gentleman named Richard
Roe desirous of entering upon a formal courtship with some refined
young girl of fashion. You are also, being a college graduate, engaged
in the bond business. One morning there comes into your financial
institution a young lady, named Dorothy Doe, who at once attracts your
attention by her genteel manners, as exemplified by the fact that she
calls the president of your company "father." So many young people
seem to think it "smart" to refer to their parents as "dad" or "my old
man"; you are certain, as soon as you hear her say "Hello, father" to
your employer, that she is undoubtedly a worthy object of courtship.
CORRECT INTRODUCTIONS; HOW TO MAKE THEM
Your first step should be, of course, the securing of an introduction.
Introductions still play an important part in social intercourse, and
many errors are often perpetrated by those ignorant of savoir faire
(correct form). When introducing a young lady to a stranger for
example, it is not au fait (correct form) to simply say, "Mr. Roe, I want
you to shake hands with my friend Dorothy." Under the rules of the
beau monde (correct form) this would probably be done as follows:
"Dorothy (or Miss Doe), shake hands with Mr. Roe." Always give the
name of the lady first, unless you are introducing some one to the
President of the United States, the Archbishop of Canterbury, a
member of the nobility above a baron, or a customer. The person who

is being "introduced" then extends his (or her) right ungloved hand and
says, "Shake." You "shake," saying at the same time, "It's warm (cool)
for November (May)," to which the other replies, "I'll say it is."
This brings up the interesting question of introducing two people to
each other, neither of whose names you can remember. This is
generally done by saying very quickly to one of the parties, "Of course
you know Miss Unkunkunk." Say the last "unk" very quickly, so that it
sounds like any name from Ab to Zinc. You might even sneeze
violently. Of course, in nine cases out of ten, one of the two people will
at once say, "I didn't get the name," at which you laugh, "Ha! Ha! Ha!"
in a carefree manner several times, saying at the same time, "Well,
well--so you didn't get the name--you didn't get the name --well, well."
If the man still persists in wishing to know who it is to whom he is
being introduced, the best procedure consists in simply braining him on
the spot with a club or convenient slab of paving stone.
The "introduction," in cases where you have no mutual friend to do the
introducing, is somewhat more difficult but can generally be arranged
as follows:
Procure a few feet of stout manila rope or clothes-line, from any of the
better-class hardware stores. Ascertain (from the Social Register,
preferably) the location of the young lady's residence, and go there on
some dark evening about nine o'clock. Fasten the rope across the
sidewalk in front of the residence about six inches or a foot from the
ground. Then, with the aid of a match and some kerosene, set fire to the
young lady's house in several places and retire behind a convenient tree.
After some time, if she is at home, she will probably be forced to run
out of her house to avoid being burned to death. In her excitement she
will fail to notice the rope which you have stretched across the
sidewalk and will fall. This is your opportunity to obtain an
introduction. Stepping up