People You Know | Page 7

opposed by a couple of living Gas Engines who could rare up
and down in front of a yap Jury for further Orders.
"I have the Law on my Side," said the Runt. "Now if I were only
Six-Feet-Two with a sole-leather Thorax, I could swing the Verdict."
While he was repining, in came a Friend of his Youth, named Jim.
This Jim was a Book-Agent. He was as big as the Side of a House. He
had a Voice that sounded as if it came up an Elevator Shaft. When he
folded his Arms and looked Solemn, he was a colossal Picture of
Power in Repose. He wore a Plug Hat and a large Black Coat. Nature

intended him for the U.S. Senate, but used up all the Material early in
the Job and failed to stock the Brain Cavity.
Jim had always been at the Foot of the Class in School. At the age of
40 he spelled Sure with an Sh and sank in a Heap when he tried to add
8 and 7. But he was a tall Success as a Book Pedler, because he learned
his Piece and the 218 pounds of Dignified Superiority did the Rest.
Wherever he went, he commanded Respect. He could go into a strange
Hotel and sit down at the Breakfast Table and say: "Please pass the
Syrup" in a Tone that had all the majestic Significance of an Official
Utterance. He would sit there in silent Meditation. Those who sized up
that elephantine Form and noted the Gravity of his Countenance and
the fluted Wrinkles on his high Brow, imagined that he was pondering
on the Immortality of the Soul. As a matter of fact, Jim was wondering
whether he would take Ham or Bacon with his Eggs.
Jim had the Bulk and the awe-inspiring Front. As long as he held to a
Napoleonic Silence he could carry out the Bluff. Little Boys tip-toed
when they came near him, and Maiden Ladies sighed for an
introduction. Nothing but a Post-Mortem Examination would have
shown Jim up in his True Light. The midget Lawyer looked up in Envy
at his mastodonic Acquaintance and sighed.
"If I could combine my Intellect with your Horse-Power, I would be the
largest Dandelion in the Legal Pasture," he said.
Then a Happy Idea struck him amidships.
"Jim, I want you to be my Associate Counsel," he said. "I understand,
of course, that you do not know the difference between a Caveat and a
Caviar Sandwich, but as long as you keep your Hair combed the way it
is now and wear that Thoughtful Expression, you're just as good as the
whole Choate Family. I will introduce you as an Eminent Attorney
from the East. I will guard the Law Points and you will sit there and
Dismay the Opposition by looking Wise."
So when the Case came up for Trial, the Runt led the august Jim into

the Court Room and introduced him as Associate Counsel. A Murmur
of Admiration ran throughout the Assemblage when Jim showed his
Commanding Figure, a Law Book under his Arm and a look of Heavy
Responsibility on his Face. Old Atlas, who carries the Globe on his
Shoulders, did not seem to be in it with this grand and gloomy
Stranger.
For two hours Jim had been rehearsing his Speech. He arose.
"Your Honor," he began.
At the Sound of that Voice, a scared Silence fell upon the Court Room.
It was like the Lower Octave of a Pipe Organ.
"Your Honor," said Jim, "we are ready for Trial."
The musical Rumble filled the Spacious Room and went echoing
through the Corridors. The Sound beat out through the Open Windows
and checked Traffic in the Street. It sang through the Telegraph Wires
and lifted every drooping Flag.
[Illustration: Learned Colleague.]
The Jurors turned Pale and began to quiver. Opposing Counsel were as
white as a Sheet. Their mute and frightened Faces seemed to ask,
"What are we up against?"
Jim sat down and the Trial got under way.
Whenever Jim got his Cue he arose and said, "Your Honor and
Gentlemen of the Jury, I quite agree with my learned Colleague."
Then he would relapse and throw on a Socrates Frown and the Other
Side would go all to Pieces. Every time Jim cleared his Throat, you
could hear a Pin drop. There was no getting away from the dominating
Influence of the Master Mind.
The Jury was out only 10 Minutes. When the Verdict was rendered, the
Runt, who had provided everything except the Air Pressure, was nearly

trampled under foot in the general Rush to Congratulate the
distinguished Attorney from the East. The Little Man gathered up his
Books and did the customary Slink, while the False Alarm stood