People You Know | Page 4

Lightning
Rods to the Yaps and making jug-handled Contracts. Accordingly he
Dug.
"Bradford is making a great Mistake," said Otis, as he saw his Friend
tear from the Institution of Learning. "In order to get a few worldly
Chattels right at the jump, he sacrifices his Diploma. I shall be more
Foxy. I shall go right on through the High School and then I shall
attend College and get a Degree. When I have taken my Degree then I
will be the human It. My scholarly Attainments and polished Manner
will get me past the Door and into the Inner Circle of the Hot Potatoes.
As for Bradford, although it is possible that he shall have combed up a

little Currency he will be a mere ordinary, sordid Business Man--not
one-two-seven when he tries to stack up against one who has just been
delivered of a Thesis on the Correlated Phenomena of Unconscious
Cerebration."
While Brad was out in the back Townships short-changing the Farmers
and buying 8 per cent. Mortgages, Otis was working his way through
College and living on Oatmeal except on Holidays and then Prunes. He
was getting round-shouldered and wore Specs and was all gaunted up,
but he never weakened. He was pulling for the Laurel Wreath of
Scholarship, or in other words, the Degree. After humping it for 4 years
he passed his final Exam and the Faculty decided that he was a
Bachelor of Arts.
That was the Day when he had the Laugh on Brad.
In the meantime, Bradford had been choking various People and taking
it away from them. He had four Salesmen under him and had butted
into the Firm, but he was still shy on Botany.
Inasmuch as Otis had been one of the brightest Men in his Class he was
offered a position as Instructor in the College at a Salary of $55 a
Month with a promise of $5 raise at the end of five Years, if he lived.
Otis accepted, because the Outside World did not seem to be clamoring
for his Services, even though he was an Authority on the Mezozoic
Period and knew all the Diatomes by their First Names.
[Illustration: M.A.]
Often while he was burning the Midnight Oil and grinding out
Jaw-Breakers, so as to qualify for the Master's Degree, he reflected as
follows: "It is true that Brad is making it Hand over Fist and wears $6
Shirts and rides in a State-Room on the Pullman, but he is not a
Bachelor of Arts. And some day when he is a Multi-Millionaire I can
still look down on him, for then I shall be a Master of Arts. I have
known since Childhood that Education is more desirable than Paltry
Gold. Although the Newspapers and the General Public do not seem to
be with me to any Extent, it is better to hob-nob with the Binomial

Theorem than to dally with the Champagne Supper."
In due time the Faculty gave the Degree of M.A. to what was left of
Otis and still his Ambition was not satisfied. He wanted to land a
Doctor's Degree. He knew that any one who aspired to this Eminent
Honor had to be a Pippin. But he hoped that he could make some
Contribution to the World of Thought that would jar the whole
Educational System and help him to climb to the topmost Pinnacle of
Human Greatness.
Professor Otis did the Dig Act year after year. At the age of 49 he was
still M.A. and owned a House with a Mortgage on it. In the Meantime
there had been revolutionary Changes in the World of Finance.
Everything on Earth had been put into a Pool. Each Smooth Citizen
who had something that was of no particular use to him went to work
and Capitalized it. Brad closed out his Interests for so much Money that
any one else would have been ashamed to take it. Then he and some
other Buccaneers went down to Wall Street to have fun with several
dignified Gentlemen whom Brad described as Them Fly Eastern Mugs.
They succeeded in putting the Skids under a number of Persons who
did not care to meet them Socially.
When Brad walked around in his Million Dollar Hut he had to step
high to avoid stumbling over Bundles of the Long Green; but he never
had made any further headway with his Botany.
It happened one Day that Brad was out Moting and he dropped in at the
College where his Boyhood Friend was now the Professor of
Dipsicology and Plamazzus.
"This is a likely-looking Plant," said Brad, as he sized up the Campus.
"I like to encourage these Joints because they help to keep a lot of
Young Fellows away from Business Offices. I find