People You Know | Page 3

and exclaim: "Aha! The Head as clear as a Bell
this A.M. I'll bet I'm the cleanest and nicest Young Fellow in this Town.
Any Girl that picks out a Sober and Steady Man such as I am will
certainly be showing good Judgment."
As Narrated at the Beginning, for three weeks he worked hard at the
Job of being an Abstainer. And at last he accumulated a Sense of Virtue
that weighed over 200 Pounds. He knew that he was entitled to a
Reward, so he decided to buy himself a little Present. Just a wee
Reminder of by-gone Days and then back to Sarsaparilla. But he fell
into a Crowd. There was another State Convention. It had been
arranged for him so that he could get a Fresh Start.
* * * * *
MORAL: Life is a Series of Relapses and Recoveries.
* * * * *

THE KIND OF MUSIC THAT IS TOO GOOD FOR HOUSEHOLD
USE
One Evening a little Flock of Our Best People got together at the Home
of a Lady who invariably was first over the Fence in the Mad Pursuit of
Culture. She loved to fill her Front Rooms with Folks who wore 7¾
Hats and read Norwegian Novels that no one else ever heard anything
about.
On the Evening already mentioned she had a Cluster of Geniuses on

hand. They were expected to Talk for a couple of Hours, so as to work
up an Appetite for Neapolitan Ice-Cream and Lady-Fingers. In the
course of time they got around to the Topic of Modern Music. All
agreed that the Music which seemed to catch on with the low-browed
Public was exceedingly punk. They rather fancied "Parsifal" and were
willing to concede that Vogner made good in Spots, but Mascagni they
branded as a Crab. As for Victor Herbert and J.P. Sousa--back to the
Water-Tanks!
[Illustration: They Love It.]
A little later in the Game the Conversation began to Sag and it was
suggested that they have Something on the Piano. They gathered
around the Stack of Music and then Vogner went into the Discard and
Puccini fell to the Floor unnoticed and the Classics did not get a Hand.
But they gave a Yelp of Joy when they spotted a dear little Cantata
about a Coon who earned a Razor and had trouble with his Wife. They
sang the Chorus 38 times and the Young Lady wore out both Wrists
doing Rag-Time.
* * * * *
MORAL: It is proper to enjoy the Cheaper Grades of Art, but they
should not be formally Indorsed.
* * * * *

THE ONE OR TWO POINTS OF DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
LEARNING AND LEARNING HOW
In a Red School-House back in the Web-Foot District, it was the
Custom to have a Debate every Friday Afternoon. The much-mooted
Question as to which does the greater Damage, Fire or Water, had been
carefully gone over by the Squabs. Also who was the heftier
Proposition, Napoleon or Washington? But the original Stand-by was
as follows: "Resolved, that Education is better than Wealth."

The Corporate Interests got many a Whack here in the Knowledge
Works. Most of the Children wanted to grow up and be like Galileo.
They claimed that mere Wealth could not purchase Happiness. The
only genuine Peace of Mind came from being able to call off the
Geological Periods with the Eyes closed.
[Illustration: Otis and Bradford.]
Here in this little Brain Hatchery were two Kids who were not Mates.
One was named Otis and the other was Bradford, or Brad for Short.
Otis was the Boy who took the Affirmative side on Friday Afternoon.
Ote firmly believed that Learning was the most valuable Asset that a
Man could tuck away. Brad was for the Money End of the Game, but
when he got up to make his Talk his Vocabulary would become
jammed up and caught crossways in the Flue and teacher would motion
him back to his Seat. Otis, however, could tell in well-chosen Phrases
why the Scholar was a better and happier Man than the Millionaire and
so he always received the Vote of the Judges.
Now, Brad was done up but unconvinced. He could not stand up before
the District School and tell why it was good policy to corral the Coin,
but he had a secret Hunch that it would be no Disgrace for him to go
out and do the best he could. Brad had a bull-dog Jaw and large
blood-shot Hands and a Neck-Band somewhat larger than his Hat-Band.
He jumped the Stockade when they started to teach him Botany. He
weighed 180 and he thought he was too large to sit around and count
the Petals of the Ox-Eye Daisy when he might be out selling