Our Deportment | Page 5

John H. Young
gentle also. A gentleman
is entirely free from every kind of pretence. He avoids homage, instead
of exacting it. Mere ceremonies have no attraction for him. He seeks
not to say any civil things, but to do them. His hospitality, though
hearty and sincere, will be strictly regulated by his means. His friends
will be chosen for their good qualities and good manners; his servants
for their truthfulness and honesty; his occupations for their usefulness,
their gracefulness or their elevating tendencies, whether moral, mental
or political."
In the same general tone does Ruskin describe a gentleman, when he
says: "A gentleman's first characteristic is that fineness of structure in
the body which renders it capable of the most delicate sensation, and of
that structure in the mind which renders it capable of the most delicate
sympathies--one may say, simply, 'fineness of nature.' This is, of course,
compatible with the heroic bodily strength and mental firmness; in fact,
heroic strength is not conceivable without such delicacy. Elephantine
strength may drive its way through a forest and feel no touch of the
boughs, but the white skin of Homer's Atrides would have felt a bent
rose-leaf, yet subdue its feelings in the glow of battle and behave itself
like iron. I do not mean to call an elephant a vulgar animal; but if you
think about him carefully, you will find that his non-vulgarity consists
in such gentleness as is possible to elephantine nature--not in his
insensitive hide nor in his clumsy foot, but in the way he will lift his
foot if a child lies in his way, and in his sensitive trunk and still more
sensitive mind and capability of pique on points of honor. Hence it will
follow that one of the probable signs of high breeding in men generally,
will be their kindness and mercifulness, these always indicating more
or less firmness of make in the mind."
Can any one fancy what our society might be, if all its members were
perfect gentlemen and true ladies, if all the inhabitants of the earth were

kind-hearted; if, instead of contending with the faults of our fellows we
were each to wage war against our own faults? Every one needs to
guard constantly against the evil from within as well as from without,
for as has been truly said, "a man's greatest foe dwells in his own
heart."
A recent English writer says: "Etiquette may be defined as the minor
morality of life. No observances, however minute, that tend to spare the
feelings of others, can be classed under the head of trivialities; and
politeness, which is but another name for general amiability, will oil
the creaking wheels of life more effectually than any of those unguents
supplied by mere wealth and station." While the social observances,
customs and rules which have grown up are numerous, and some
perhaps considered trivial, they are all grounded upon principles of
kindness to one another, and spring from the impulses of a good heart
and from friendly feelings. The truly polite man acts from the highest
and noblest ideas of what is right.
Lord Chesterfield declared good breeding to be "the result of much
good sense, some good nature and a little self-denial for the sake of
others, and with a view to obtain the same indulgence from them."
Again he says: "Good sense and good nature suggest civility in general,
but in good breeding there are a thousand little delicacies which are
established only by custom."
[Illustration]
CHAPTER II.
Our Manners.
No one quality of the mind and heart is more important as an element
conducive to worldly success than civility--that feeling of kindness and
love for our fellow-beings which is expressed in pleasing manners. Yet
how many of our young men, with an affected contempt for the forms
and conventionalities of life, assume to despise those delicate attentions,
that exquisite tenderness of thought and manner, that mark the true
gentleman.

MANNERS AS AN ELEMENT OF SUCCESS.
History repeats, over and over again, examples showing that it is the
bearing of a man toward his fellow-men which, more than any other
one quality of his nature, promotes or retards his advancement in life.
The success or failure of one's plans have often turned upon the address
and manner of the man. Though there are a few people who can look
beyond the rough husk or shell of a fellow-being to the finer qualities
hidden within, yet the vast majority, not so keen-visaged nor tolerant,
judge a person by his appearance and demeanor, more than by his
substantial character. Experience of every day life teaches us, if we
would but learn, that civility is not only one of the essentials of high
success, but that it is almost a fortune of itself, and that he
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