Our Deportment | Page 6

who has this
quality in perfection, though a blockhead, is almost sure to succeed
where, without it, even men of good ability fail.
A good manner is the best letter of recommendation among strangers.
Civility, refinement and gentleness are passports to hearts and homes,
while awkwardness, coarseness and gruffness are met with locked
doors and closed hearts. Emerson says: "Give a boy address and
accomplishments, and you give him the mastery of palaces and
fortunes wherever he goes; he has not the trouble of earning or owning
them; they solicit him to enter and possess."
In every class of life, in all professions and occupations, good manners
are necessary to success. The business man has no stock-in-trade that
pays him better than a good address. If the retail dealer wears his hat on
his head in the presence of ladies who come to buy of him, if he does
not see that the heavy door of his shop is opened and closed for them, if
he seats himself in their presence, if he smokes a pipe or cigar, or has a
chew of tobacco in his mouth, while talking with them, or is guilty of
any of the small incivilities of life, they will not be apt to make his shop
a rendezvous, no matter how attractive the goods he displays.
A telling preacher in his opening remarks gains the good will of his
hearers, and makes them feel both that he has something to say, and
that he can say it, by his manner. The successful medical man inspires
in his patients belief in his sympathy, and confidence in his skill, by his

manner. The lawyer, in pleading a case before a jury, and remembering
that the passions and prejudices of the jurymen govern them to as great
an extent as pure reason, must not be forgetful of his manner, if he
would bring them to his own way of thinking. And how often does the
motto, "Manners make the man," govern both parties in matters of
courtship, the lady giving preference to him whose manners indicate a
true nobility of the soul, and the gentleman preferring her who displays
in her manner a gentleness of spirit.
MANNER AN INDEX OF CHARACTER.
A rude person, though well meaning, is avoided by all. Manners, in fact,
are minor morals; and a rude person is often assumed to be a bad
person. The manner in which a person says or does a thing, furnishes a
better index of his character than what he does or says, for it is by the
incidental expression given to his thoughts and feelings, by his looks,
tones and gestures, rather than by his words and deeds, that we prefer to
judge him, for the reason that the former are involuntary. The manner
in which a favor is granted or a kindness done, often affects us more
than the deed itself. The deed may have been prompted by vanity, pride,
or some selfish motive or interest; the warmth or coldness with which
the person who has done it speaks to you, or grasps your hand, is less
likely to deceive. The manner of doing any thing, it has been truly said,
is that which stamps its life and character on any action. A favor may
be performed so grudgingly as to prevent any feeling of obligation, or it
may be refused so courteously as to awaken more kindly feelings than
if it had been ungraciously granted.
THE TRUE GENTLEMAN.
Politeness is benevolence in small things. A true gentleman must
regard the rights and feelings of others, even in matters the most trivial.
He respects the individuality of others, just as he wishes others to
respect his own. In society he is quiet, easy, unobtrusive, putting on no
airs, nor hinting by word or manner that he deems himself better, or
wiser, or richer than any one about him. He never boasts of his
achievements, or fishes for compliments by affecting to underrate what
he has done. He is distinguished, above all things, by his deep insight

and sympathy, his quick perception of, and prompt attention to, those
small and apparently insignificant things that may cause pleasure or
pain to others. In giving his opinions he does not dogmatize; he listens
patiently and respectfully to other men, and, if compelled to dissent
from their opinions, acknowledges his fallibility and asserts his own
views in such a manner as to command the respect of all who hear him.
Frankness and cordiality mark all his intercourse with his fellows, and,
however high his station, the humblest man feels instantly at ease in his
presence.
THE TRUE LADY.
Calvert says: "Ladyhood is an emanation from the heart subtilized by
culture;" giving as two requisites for the highest breeding, transmitted
qualities and the