Our Deportment | Page 4

laws to restrain the wicked; they
have agreed among themselves as to the duties of society, and have
annexed an honorable character to the practice of those duties. He is the
honest man who observes them with the most exactness, and the
instances of them multiply in proportion to the degree of nicety of a
person's honor."
Originally a gentleman was defined to be one who, without any title of
nobility, wore a coat of arms. And the descendants of many of the early
colonists preserve with much pride and care the old armorial bearings
which their ancestors brought with them from their homes in the
mother country. Although despising titles and ignoring the rights of
kings, they still clung to the "grand old name of gentleman." But race is
no longer the only requisite for a gentleman, nor will race united with
learning and wealth make a man a gentleman, unless there are present
the kind and gentle qualities of the heart, which find expression in the
principles of the Golden Rule. Nor will race, education and wealth
combined make a woman a true lady if she shows a want of refinement
and consideration of the feelings of others.
Good manners are only acquired by education and observation,
followed up by habitual practice at home and in society, and good
manners reveal to us the lady and the gentleman. He who does not
possess them, though he bear the highest title of nobility, cannot expect
to be called a gentleman; nor can a woman, without good manners,
aspire to be considered a lady by ladies. Manners and morals are
indissolubly allied, and no society can be good where they are bad. It is
the duty of American women to exercise their influence to form so high
a standard of morals and manners that the tendency of society will be
continually upwards, seeking to make it the best society of any nation.
As culture is the first requirement of good society, so self-improvement
should be the aim of each and all of its members. Manners will improve

with the cultivation of the mind, until the pleasure and harmony of
social intercourse are no longer marred by the introduction of
discordant elements, and they only will be excluded from the best
society whose lack of education and whose rude manners will totally
unfit them for its enjoyments and appreciation. Good manners are even
more essential to harmony in society than a good education, and may
be considered as valuable an acquisition as knowledge in any form.
The principles of the Golden Rule, "whatsoever ye would that men
should do to you, do ye even so to them," is the basis of all true
politeness--principles which teach us to forget ourselves, to be kind to
our neighbors, and to be civil even to our enemies. The appearance of
so being and doing is what society demands as good manners, and the
man or woman trained to this mode of life is regarded as well-bred. The
people, thus trained, are easy to get along with, for they are as quick to
make an apology when they have been at fault, as they are to accept
one when it is made. "The noble-hearted only understand the
noble-hearted."
In a society where the majority are rude from the thoughtfulness of
ignorance, or remiss from the insolence of bad breeding, the iron rule,
"Do unto others, as they do unto you," is more often put into practice
than the golden one. The savages know nothing of the virtues of
forgiveness, and regard those who are not revengeful as wanting in
spirit; so the ill-bred do not understand undeserved civilities extended
to promote the general interests of society, and to carry out the
injunction of the Scriptures to strive after the things that make for
peace.
Society is divided into sets, according to their breeding. One set may be
said to have no breeding at all, another to have a little, another more,
and another enough; and between the first and last of these, there are
more shades than in the rainbow. Good manners are the same in
essence everywhere--at courts, in fashionable society, in literary circles,
in domestic life--they never change, but social observances, customs
and points of etiquette, vary with the age and with the people.
A French writer has said: "To be truly polite, it is necessary to be, at the

same time, good, just, and generous. True politeness is the outward
visible sign of those inward spiritual graces called modesty,
unselfishness and generosity. The manners of a gentleman are the index
of his soul. His speech is innocent, because his life is pure; his thoughts
are right, because his actions are upright; his bearing is gentle, because
his feelings, his impulses, and his training are