Oh! Susannah! | Page 6

(looks
at picture) At least, of course I didn't go so far as you did with
Lieutenant Merry. You were--simply--(turns page)
Ruby. (looking at picture) Shocking! (shuts book and puts it back on
couch)
Pearl. Yes, you were! (laughs)
Ruby. How dare you! I never gave Andrew the slightest encouragement,
(sits on sofa)
Pearl. My dear Ruby. I judge by results. He proposed to you the second
day. (comes and sits by her on sofa)
Ruby. What about you? You let Waverly kiss you.
Pearl. Only once--just there; (touches her cheek) and that was after a
dance, which doesn't count. No, I've gone as far with Mr. Vane as any
girl, who isn't a born flirt, (pointedly looking at Ruby) can go, and he's
said nothing--yet So I'm going to get father to invite Doctor Sheppard
down to Southsea, and I'll flirt desperately with him.
(Ruby crosses C.)You see, I shall be obeying father--I shall get you out
of your difficulty, and it will force Waverly to say something--definite,
(sits on the word)
Ruby. Oh, Pearl! What a clever idea! (thinks) Andrew hasn't been quite
so attentive since I accepted him. And, as you say, dear papa must be
obeyed, so I'll flirt with Doctor Sheppard too, before Andrew--it'll do
him a world of good.
Pearl. Doctor Sheppard!
Ruby. No, Andrew, of course. Oh, Pearl. I wonder how they're getting
on without us? Do they ever talk about us, do you think?
Pearl. Of course they do--everybody talks about us--in Southsea.

Andrew. (heard off) Not in? P'raps he's got a patient. (laughs)
Ruby. It's Andrew! How do I look? (jumps up and looks in mirror)
(Pearl tries to pull her away from it--Enter Andrew. followed by
Waverly.)
Waverly. (looking at girls' backs and nudges Andrew) P'raps he's got
two patients.
Andrew. Oh, Susannah! (takes double stethoscope off table, aside to
Waverly) Let's have a lark. I'll pretend to be the doctor.
Waver. No, no, never joke about business, (scuffles to get stethoscope)
(Ruby looks round.)
Andrew. Ruby! (goes to her with outstretched arms)
(Pearl looks round.)
Waver. (aside) Pearl! Oh, lor! (goes down r.) Pearl. (coyly) Mr. Vane!
What attraction has brought you all the way from Southsea? (follows
him)
(Waverly looks confused.)
Andrew. (to Ruby) What's brought you? We called at Clarence Parade
this morning and found that you'd flown up to London by the
excurs--the early train, so we thought what a lark it'd be to run up on
the chance of meeting you.
Waver. We didn't expect to find you at the doctor's.
Andrew. No. (to Ruby. anxiously) Are you ill?
Ruby. (laughing) No.
Waver, (to Pearl. wearily) Don't say it's you.

Pearl. I'm never ill. What's the matter with you?
Waver. I've only come with Andrew, (tries to cross to Andrew)
(Pearl pulls him back.)
Ruby. (screams) Oh Andrew. then it's you!!! What's the matter with
you?
Andrew. (laughing) Nothing! Sound me if you like. (offers
stethoscope)
Ruby. But why have you come to see a doctor?
Andrew. (laughs) I haven't--I've brought Vane to introduce him to my
old school-fellow, dear old, serious, studious, short-sighted,
absent-minded Jack Sheppard.
Ruby and Pearl. (together) You know Jack?
Waver, and Andrew. (surprised) Jack?
Ruby. Cousin Jack! Didn't you know?
Andrew. No, you never told us you had any cousins. What a lark!
Jack's my greatest friend--because we're such opposites, I suppose. I
call him Dull Boy, because "all work and no play makes Jack------" see?
Rather smart for me, and he calls me "Merry Andrew"--Andrew
Merry--Merry Andrew--see? Oh, that was Jolly smart for Jack--only
joke he ever made.
(Ruby sits on couch--Andrew behind couch.)
Waver. Why have you never mentioned his name?
Ruby. We haven't seen him since he was a little boy in kilts.
Pearl. We saw lots of him then, we were both of us awfully in love with
him.

Ruby. And we're longing to see him again! (pointedly)
Andrew. (laughing) Oh, are you? Well, I shan't be jealous of serious
old Jack.
Ruby. (aside) Oh, won't you?
(Ruby and Pearl exchange looks, smiling.)
Waver. Where is he?
Ruby. (quickly) He won't be back till half-past--(coyly) How shall we
kill time?
Andrew. I know, come and shoot tin dickie-birds at the Aquarium--I
must have exercise.
Ruby. Oh, what fun! Come along!
(Exeunt Ruby and Andrew.)
Waver. (breaking away--aside) I shall never have the pluck to break it
to her that I've got engaged to another girl.
Pearl. (looking at door, then at Waverly, drops Tier eyes) Well!
Waver. (stands facing audience, back to writing table--to her) Miss
Plant. there's something I want to say to you--something--I--I--I don't
know how to say it.
Pearl. (coquettishly) Then don't say it. Write me a little note, (taps his
arm, goes to table, holds up note-paper and pen)
Waver. Thanks awfully! (sits and writes)