Oh! Susannah! | Page 3

extravagance.
Blues a tenpence on a telegram, an' my clothes owin' for.
Aurora (aside) 'Ave 'is tea ready! That I will! As if I wouldn't 'ave it
ready whenever 'e comes, bless 'im! (stuffs telegram in bosom, then
fusses about room, putting things straight, starts scouring bureau)
Tupper. (watching her) I believe you're in love with the "Dear Doctor."
(picks another fag end off ash-tray and lies on couch smoking it)
Aubora. Oh, go smoke! Little boys should be seen and not heard!
Tupper. Well, any'ow yer always tidyin' up 'is things an' neglectin' the

missus, an' yer only 'arf 'is, yer know.
(Front door bell rings.)
Aurora. (snatches ladder quickly and goes to the door, saying to herself)
'Arf 'is, indeed! No! It's all for 'im--all for 'im!
(Exit Aurora. L. U. E.)
Tupper. (laughs) That's sure to be for the missus. She 'as lots o' callers.
She's a widder. If I was a woman, I'd be a widder. (jumps off couch) Oh
lor, if it's the tailor, (crosses to fire, stands back to it, legs apart) I
wouldn't mind so much, only I sold my old clothes to 'ave a bit on a
dead cert, wot didn't come orf--dead certs never do--I wish my clothes
was a dead cert.
(Enter Aurora. followed by Pearl. then Ruby. then Plant. in single file.
Tupper works behind arm-chair and gets up stage and puts out
cigarette)
Aurora. (aside) Our fust! (fussily shaking sofa cushions, standing
behind sofa) Take your seats, please! (motions girls to sit)
(Ruby sits r. of Pearl.)
Make yourselves quite at home--and don't be frightened.
(Girls turn round and stare at her.)
'E'll treat yer kindly--'e's got sich a sorft 'and! (soothingly to Ruby)
Would yer like a cup o' tea, miss, to buck yer up? Ruby. No, thank you.
Aurora. (to Ruby) Oh, the doctor allus gives 'is ladies tea.
(Tupper, sitting on couch, bursts out laughing and shoves his
handkerchief in his mouth.)
Pearl. No, thank you.

Plant. (looking round) Is the doctor out?
Aubora. (bustling about dusting) Yes, sir.
(Girls rise.)
--But 'e'll be back at 'arf past, if the ladies'll kindly wait.
(Girls sit.)
'E's been called orf to see a lady who couldn't wait.
(Tupper same Bus.--Aurora goes to him.)
Plant. (coughs.) Ahem! That will do. (aside) Fancy setting up for a
ladies' doctor in Pimlico! How can he earn bread and butter in
Marmalade Street. No. 13, too!
Aurora. (to Tupper) 'Old yer row! They're lady patients. 'Appy girls! I
wonder what they've got?
Tupper. Nuffiin'. They're a bit off all right! (laughs)
Aurora. (sadly) Are they, Tupper? Then why do they come 'ere?
Plant. (aside) What has he done to deserve a rich aunt who has
instructed me to draw up a deed settling a thousand a year on him? It's
disgusting! (sits, head on hand)
Tupper. (sees Plant. head on hand--aside to Aurora) Oh, p'raps it's 'im!
(comes to him) Anythin' wrong with yer 'ead? (touches his hair)
(Girls laugh--Plant looks dumbfounded.)
Aurora. The doctor's wonderful clever for 'eads. (same Bus.)
Plant. Don't do that!
Tupper. Yus, 'e cured mine in a jiffy. I rekkemmend 'im to all my

friends.
Plant. Ah, then I presume Doctor Sheppard has a large practice.
Aurora. (cheerily) Oh yes, sir, 'e's allus practisin'--'e practised all larst
week on the milkman's baby. It 'ad the direfearier, sir, in its throat, and
the doctor was afraid the cows'd catch it and spile the milk. 'E stopped
up all night for a week nussin' that baby. (goes on scouring bureau)
Tupper. Oh, he's a wonderful gentle gentleman, is the doctor.
Plant. (aside) A "Gentle Sheppard?" Just what his rich aunt hopes to
find him. I must get a word with Ruby.
Ruby. (to Tupper) Ah, you hear what his grateful patients think of him.
Tupper. (comes down) Grateful patients? (shakes head sadly) No, miss,
not yet.
Plant. You carry the medicine round, don't you?
Tupper. No, sir, not yet.
Pearl. But you're the doctor's boy, aren't you?
Tupper. No, miss, not yet--only 'arf of me, the other 'arf belongs
upstairs. You see, the doctor ends orf where the stair-carpets begin; 'e
shares me with the missus--an' 'e shares the gal too.
Plant. (rises, coughs) Ahem! That will do! Is the room always so full of
smoke?
Aurora. (coming to him quickly) Oh yes, sir, wuss generally, (flaps wet
flannel in his face) The doctor's a wonderful gentleman for smoke, 'e
lies on that couch smokin' all day long, an' read in' this 'ere book,
(fetches it) You look at it. (comes down C.)
(Girls go up to her,)

You can't make 'ead nor tail of it, 'cep' the pictures, an' they is--well,
there!
Plant. Ahem! That will do! (takes it from her before his daughters see it)
What are the doctor's