Oh! Susannah! | Page 2

my lady,
with diamond combs! I'll struggle with yer. (produces combs from her
pocket) Tenpence a pair--in the Strand, (going to put them on, stops)
No, I'll wait till 'e comes 'ome. They're all for 'im, the dear doctor--all
for 'im! (end of sofa)
(Enter Tupper, a fat little page.)
Tupper. I say, Aurora. the missus is a'goin' to do the thing in style this
afternoon, two fiddler blokes--an' a planner an' a programme o' the
dances pinned up over the mantelpiece over 'ead. (picks up cigarette
end off ash tray and smokes it)
Aurora (down C.) Lor, you don't say! An' printed invitations an' all.
(takes card from mirror) 'Ark at this! "Mrs. O'Hara requests the honor
of Doctor Sheppard'ss company--"
Tupper. 'E won't come back for that. I wish 'e would.
Aurora. Why not, Tupper? Where's 'e gone? (comes C.)
Tupper. Gie us a kiss, an' I'll tell yer.
Aurora. (moving away) A kiss! There's bloomin' cheek! I never did!

Tupper. (coming to her) Oh yes, you did--only larst Friday, an' it's
Friday agin, an' what's more, it's Lady Day.
Aurora. (innocently) Is it, Tupper? Well, as it's Lady Day. (puts her
cheek up, aside) It's all for 'im! (kiss Bus.) Now tell me.
Tupper. 'E's gorn to get married, (goes down r. puffing cigarette hard)
Aurora. (with concern) No, Tupper, don't say that! (changes her tone) I
mean, 'ow do you know?
Tupper. (turning round) Gie us another, an' I'll tell yer!
Aurora. Go hon!
Tupper. I will when I got summat to go hon with. (comes to her)
Aurora. (impatiently) Oh, there, then! (kissed him--aside) They're all
for 'im!
Tupper. Well, as you know, (gets on table) Aurora. the doctor's a
wonderful gentle gentleman, as gentle as--well, there 'e is gentle!
Aurora. (more impatiently) I know that. I give you them kisses to tell
me summat I don't know.
Tupper. Well, I'm goin' to. When 'e was packing to go away, 'e was that
excited 'e couldn't 'ardly strap the bag.
Aurora. Well, what o' that? A gentleman can get excited without gettin'
married, yer silly kid! (goes to steps)
Tupper. Ah, but 'e put on a new frock coat, an' a bran noo pair o'
trarsers----
Aurora. The dear doctor! I'll bet 'e looked a toff! (start on steps)
Tupper. An' then 'e 'ad a brandy and soda--wot for? (up to couch)

Aurora. 'Cos 'e was thirsty, o' course, yer silly kite.
Tupper. Thirsty! It was to bring 'im up to the scratch!
Aurora. (aside) The scratch! My 'eart! My 'eart! (top of ladder)
Tupper. I bet my buttons 'e's enj'ying 'is 'oneymoon in 'is noo clothes,
an' forgotten all abart me an' mine. (up stage R.)
Aurora. (curiously) Your noo clothes?
Tupper. Yes, I was loored into these under false pretences. When Mrs.
O'Hara engaged me, she says she'd let orf 'er ground floor to a very
risin' doctor.
Aurora. So 'e is! The day will come, 'e'll be the most
risin'--(gesticulates with feather-duster, on steps, nearly falls)
Tupper. Do you want to 'ear abart my trarsers, or do you not? (sits on
couch)
Aurora. Yes, Tupper, o' course I do--get 'em orf yer chest.
Tupper. Well, Mrs. O'Hara, she sez, 'e'll find yer in clothes, she sez, an'
think of all the gratooities----
Aurora. Great--who?
Tupper. Gratooities from grateful patients--shillins an' 'arf-crowns, she
sez. Well, we been at it three months to-day--
Aurora. (sadly) An' not a blessed patient 'as called yet. (comes down)
Tupper. No, but the tailor's called, lots o' times, an' larst time 'e was
very cross--said 'e'd 'ave these clothes orf me if they wasn't paid for
Lady Day. (crosses to R. of table)
Aurora. Oh! the person! Never mind; the day will come.

Tupper. The day 'as come! (takes up pile of letters)
Aurora. Well, never mind, look at all these--all from lady patients, (sits
in Doctor's chair, puts on his eye-glasses)
Tupper. (laughing) Lady patients! Why, they're bills. That's the butcher,
(puts it down) An' that's the chemist.
Aurora. Oh! 'e can read!
Tupper. (puts it down) I know 'em all! (reads) "Cummerbund and Co.,
Tailors." Oh lor! That's me! (drops the pack suddenly) I call it
downright selfish of the doctor to go away and never think of me.
(produces crumpled telegram from pocket) Oh, I forgot, this is for you!
(hands it to her)
Aurora. Silly kid!
Tupper. Who's it from? Your young man? (reads wire over Aurora's
shoulder)
Aurora. (opening it) 'Arf a mo'! It's from the dear Doctor. (aside) I'd
know 'is 'and writing anywheres, it's sich a sorft 'and. (reads word for
word) "Expect -- me -- back -- at -- half -- past -- four -- and --: please
-- have -- my -- tea -- ready."
Tupper. (counts words on his fingers--sadly) There's