Oh! Susannah! | Page 5

his--his Buttons. The one thing the doctor wants is a wife.
Pearl. To look after his buttons?
Plant. Silence, miss! And you, my dear Ruby, my favourite, I mean my first-born, have all the qualifications for a doctor's wife.
Ruby. A doctor's wife? (looks at Pearl)
Plant. It has always been the dream of my life to see you united in matrimony to dear Jack.
Ruby. Cheap Jack! He hasn't a penny!
Plant. Oh hasn't he?--er--(aside) Nearly let it out that time, (to her) I mean should he be clever enough to win my Ruby. my Ruby mine--er--this afternoon, he will be rich beyond the dreams of avarice. Alas, I have no dowry to give you, save the blessing of your dear old--your dear fond, fond father, (kisses her forehead) But only obey me in this, and Lady Fortune will smile on us all--smile--smile.
Ruby. (bursts into tears) I can't smile--I won't! (turns to Pearl)
Pearl. (comes to meet her--aside to her) Of course you won't--I'll get you out of it.
Plant. (angrily) Stop that silly crying. He'll be in soon, and you look a perfect fright with your eyes all red. You've never obeyed me in your life--either of you--but I've made up my mind this time, and damme--I'll make you obey me. I swear that dear cousin Jack shall be my son-in-law. (crosses C.)
Pearl. (going quietly to him, standing between him and Ruby) If such is your determination, I will sacrifice myself.
Plant. (contemptuously) You!
Ruby. (rushing to Pearl) You shan't!
Pearl. I will--what is it after all? Marriages aren't made in heaven now-a-days.
Ruby. No, no, Pearl. you're too good. I'd rather marry him myself.
Pearl. You can't--you know you can't--you're engaged.
Ruby. Sneak! (pinches her arm)
(Pearl howls.)
Plant. (shouts) Stop quarrelling! Such rivalry between sisters is most unseemly. What do I dress you alike for?
Pearl. To save expense.
Plant. No, miss, to save jealousy, and I'll have no Jealousy about this. Settle it amicably between you, (aside, crosses to R.) Good idea! They'll go it faster without me. I'll leave 'em alone with him. (aloud) Dear, dear, I've forgotten something I particularly want to show Jack. I'll step over to our apartments----
Ruby. Pa, you can't leave us alone in a bachelor's room!
Plant. Hang it, you're cousins, and you're two to one. Now, remember, one of you two must marry Jack--that's my last word, and you know my word, like my profession, is law!
(Exit Plant.)
Pearl. We've got a nice thing in fathers, (looking out of window) He's brought us up to London to put us on the market
Ruby. Yes, and by a cheap excursion. (goes L.)
Pearl. Now we know why we've come to encamp just across the street--it's to lay siege to a penniless cousin. (picks up "Quayle on Muscles" off couch, takes it to table)
Ruby. (at small table up stage L., opens case, shrieks) Ach! knives!
Pearl. (looks up from book) You wouldn't do for a doctor's wife, whatever Pa says, (looks at picture) Besides, you're not free, but I am. (sadly)
Ruby. Pearl. there's Waverly! (coming to her, looking over her shoulder at picture)
Pearl. Yes, there's Waverly, but he's (turns to next picture) most disappointing. He's been staying at Southsea with Lieutenant Merry for a whole week, (turns page) and father's been away the whole time. (turns page) And I've given him every possible encouragement. (looks at picture) At least, of course I didn't go so far as you did with Lieutenant Merry. You were--simply--(turns page)
Ruby. (looking at picture) Shocking! (shuts book and puts it back on couch)
Pearl. Yes, you were! (laughs)
Ruby. How dare you! I never gave Andrew the slightest encouragement, (sits on sofa)
Pearl. My dear Ruby. I judge by results. He proposed to you the second day. (comes and sits by her on sofa)
Ruby. What about you? You let Waverly kiss you.
Pearl. Only once--just there; (touches her cheek) and that was after a dance, which doesn't count. No, I've gone as far with Mr. Vane as any girl, who isn't a born flirt, (pointedly looking at Ruby) can go, and he's said nothing--yet So I'm going to get father to invite Doctor Sheppard down to Southsea, and I'll flirt desperately with him.
(Ruby crosses C.)You see, I shall be obeying father--I shall get you out of your difficulty, and it will force Waverly to say something--definite, (sits on the word)
Ruby. Oh, Pearl! What a clever idea! (thinks) Andrew hasn't been quite so attentive since I accepted him. And, as you say, dear papa must be obeyed, so I'll flirt with Doctor Sheppard too, before Andrew--it'll do him a world of good.
Pearl. Doctor Sheppard!
Ruby. No, Andrew, of course. Oh, Pearl. I wonder how they're getting on without us? Do they ever talk about us, do you think?
Pearl. Of course they do--everybody talks about us--in Southsea.
Andrew. (heard off) Not in? P'raps he's got a patient. (laughs)
Ruby. It's Andrew! How do I look? (jumps up and