Oh! Susannah! | Page 6

looks in mirror)
(Pearl tries to pull her away from it--Enter Andrew. followed by Waverly.)
Waverly. (looking at girls' backs and nudges Andrew) P'raps he's got two patients.
Andrew. Oh, Susannah! (takes double stethoscope off table, aside to Waverly) Let's have a lark. I'll pretend to be the doctor.
Waver. No, no, never joke about business, (scuffles to get stethoscope)
(Ruby looks round.)
Andrew. Ruby! (goes to her with outstretched arms)
(Pearl looks round.)
Waver. (aside) Pearl! Oh, lor! (goes down r.) Pearl. (coyly) Mr. Vane! What attraction has brought you all the way from Southsea? (follows him)
(Waverly looks confused.)
Andrew. (to Ruby) What's brought you? We called at Clarence Parade this morning and found that you'd flown up to London by the excurs--the early train, so we thought what a lark it'd be to run up on the chance of meeting you.
Waver. We didn't expect to find you at the doctor's.
Andrew. No. (to Ruby. anxiously) Are you ill?
Ruby. (laughing) No.
Waver, (to Pearl. wearily) Don't say it's you.
Pearl. I'm never ill. What's the matter with you?
Waver. I've only come with Andrew, (tries to cross to Andrew)
(Pearl pulls him back.)
Ruby. (screams) Oh Andrew. then it's you!!! What's the matter with you?
Andrew. (laughing) Nothing! Sound me if you like. (offers stethoscope)
Ruby. But why have you come to see a doctor?
Andrew. (laughs) I haven't--I've brought Vane to introduce him to my old school-fellow, dear old, serious, studious, short-sighted, absent-minded Jack Sheppard.
Ruby and Pearl. (together) You know Jack?
Waver, and Andrew. (surprised) Jack?
Ruby. Cousin Jack! Didn't you know?
Andrew. No, you never told us you had any cousins. What a lark! Jack's my greatest friend--because we're such opposites, I suppose. I call him Dull Boy, because "all work and no play makes Jack------" see? Rather smart for me, and he calls me "Merry Andrew"--Andrew Merry--Merry Andrew--see? Oh, that was Jolly smart for Jack--only joke he ever made.
(Ruby sits on couch--Andrew behind couch.)
Waver. Why have you never mentioned his name?
Ruby. We haven't seen him since he was a little boy in kilts.
Pearl. We saw lots of him then, we were both of us awfully in love with him.
Ruby. And we're longing to see him again! (pointedly)
Andrew. (laughing) Oh, are you? Well, I shan't be jealous of serious old Jack.
Ruby. (aside) Oh, won't you?
(Ruby and Pearl exchange looks, smiling.)
Waver. Where is he?
Ruby. (quickly) He won't be back till half-past--(coyly) How shall we kill time?
Andrew. I know, come and shoot tin dickie-birds at the Aquarium--I must have exercise.
Ruby. Oh, what fun! Come along!
(Exeunt Ruby and Andrew.)
Waver. (breaking away--aside) I shall never have the pluck to break it to her that I've got engaged to another girl.
Pearl. (looking at door, then at Waverly, drops Tier eyes) Well!
Waver. (stands facing audience, back to writing table--to her) Miss Plant. there's something I want to say to you--something--I--I--I don't know how to say it.
Pearl. (coquettishly) Then don't say it. Write me a little note, (taps his arm, goes to table, holds up note-paper and pen)
Waver. Thanks awfully! (sits and writes)
(Pearl walks away.)
(Pauses, aside, alarmed) Does she mean business? She's not a lawyer's child for nothing. She might make a Breach of Promise out of this, (tears up letter and pockets the pieces) I'd better blurt it out. (goes to her) I say, it's not--er--it's not that.
Pearl. Not what?
Waver. I mean--er--(absently takes from his pocket a kodak made like a large turnip watch, and fumbling nervously with it) I mean I've been and got--er--I've been and got----
Pearl. A watch?
Waver. No. (aside) But it'll gain time, thank goodness.
Pearl. What is it? Do tell me.
Waver. A detective camera that defies detection.
Pearl. (rises) Oh, what fun! (takes it from him) Let's go and take snap-shots at Andrew and Ruby when they're not looking, then they shall take us--when we're not looking, (takes his arm)
(Enter Tupper.)
Waver. (aside) She does mean business.
(Exeunt Waverly and Pearl.)
Tupper. (looking after them) I don't like the look of those two gents, (takes cigarette end off ash-tray, lights it) They've gorn and eloped with the fust two customers we've 'ad. (lies on operating couch) Oh, well, I don't interfere with other people's business. I got enough to do to look after my own.
(Enter Doctor in high hat, frock coat, overcoat, carrying a Gladstone bag, looks as if he had something on his mind.)
(Jumping off couch) I am glad to see you back, sir.
Doctor. Thank you, Tupper--a kind boy--unpack these, (hands him bag)
Tupper. (finds bag very heavy, drops it down by bureau, opens bottom drawer, looks in, aside) Empty--must 'ave pawned the lot to buy the noo ones, (takes out pile of books and papers and one collar) I wonder if 'e's spliced, 'e looks un'appy enough. I'll arsk 'im. (chucks books, MSS., collar, etc., into drawer, anyhow, crosses on tiptoe to Doctor) 'Ave yer brought 'er with yer, sir?
Doctor. (swinging round on revolving chair facing Tupper, who has backed to bureau alarmed) Don't